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How to Cope! Anger is Powerful in Controlling

Discussion in 'Dysregulation' started by Remnarc, Oct 11, 2006.

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  1. Remnarc

    Remnarc Member

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    Sitting at work I am trying to get a handle on how to deal with all these feelings. It is so hard to cope while at work. I got people all around me that just annoy the ever living sh** out of me. I hear a voice and it makes me cringe. One of my first loves in life was computers; it started with an old and outdated commodore. I now find myself dreading to do any thing relating to computers or the people around me. I can’t blame the people around me for my feelings and I kind of regret the fact now that I have always been a person that they could talk to. I just want to be left alone, How can I even start to tell or relate the feelings that I have with co-workers and employee’s. Do I even attempt to do a bare-all email or should I sit here and try to stomach the fact that they make me sick?

    There is also one person in particular that even the mention of her name or hearing her voice sends me right to the edge. I have had to deal with incompetent people before in my life but this one takes the cake. She has no clue in regards to her job yet they still keep her on. I hate to focus on one person but I just can’t help it. There has never been a single redeeming quality about this person that I have found yet. Voice is shrilly, thoughts border idiocy, body by Twinkie, blames other’s for her faults. I have had the personal pleasure of being a target of this stooge once before. I am a DBA, before my deployment I had initiated a backup of the database every night on separate media and also included off site storage. While I was gone they tried to upgrade the Server (with a whopping 200MHZ, That isn’t enough to see an increase in home computing but yet they thought it would help on a mission critical database) with a system they found in the warehouse. Well it was in storage because it wasn’t under warranty! It is also not compatible with the tape backup system. Needless to say it had a major blowout. One of the Drive Arrays went and corrupted the data across the whole server. If it wasn’t for luck of me backing up the database a week prior we would have lost ALL information spanning a period of 16 months. A day after that happened she had the Gaul to come up to me and say “so I heard you broke the database” I FLIPPED! I stood up, walked right over to her and got in her face and told her what I thought of her. I even remember being so enraged that I had spittle coming out of my mouth and landing on her. This happened early in the morning before work even opened. Is it normal to still harbor feelings of wanting to convey physically how much she set me off? It has been about 5 months since the incident.

    I hope that I don’t offend anyone here with my descriptions. I just worry that if I don’t write the complete truth that it is not going to help me or help you understand.
     
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  3. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

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    Hi Remnarc, it sounds like you may be fueling your own fire by giving permission to the negative influences around you.

    What are some tactics you can use to return the focus to yourself?

    ~Boo
     
  4. Remnarc

    Remnarc Member

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    I really dont know, the earliest appointment that I could get was in Novemeber. I am hoping that untill that time I can try and work through the forums and ideas. It helps so much to be able to just throw this stuff out there though.
     
  5. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

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    That is a great idea. Writing down things going on in your head is really helpful. Reading posts by others may give you some insight into tactics others have used.
    When all else fails today - give yourself some personal time and space by taking some extra work breaks to get outside for some fresh air!
    Keep us posted on how the week progresses!
    ~Boo
     
  6. DesertDweller

    DesertDweller Active Member

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    Hey Remnarc,

    I think you and I just might work at the same place! My work environment is the same. Certain people here make me go crazy, I seriously have trouble controlling not getting up and strangleing them. I dont think you will offend anyone by venting.

    I have some one just like that... its scary how you hit this right on the head.. I am amazed..

    god I have issues, lol
     
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    First, vent and get your feelings out. No one is your judge; you should be honest about the feelings because if you aren't we won't be able to do jack shit for support! Don't worry about offending. If we get offended we can get over it too. No point tippy toeing around here, we are all jacked in the head any way too and get it. If one person doesn't, it doesn't mean the next ten won't get it!

    The person at work. I think even the most normal, "sane", well put together people have one in the work place that drives them nuts. I know I have heard it from others about the one who has their head so far up their backside they would not know the sun is shining they have to work with. Extra fun for a PTSDer.

    Your reaction... some loss of control. Look at the bright side, you did not bean her and move on! And yeah, it is pretty typical to want to still bean them. I have people I have worked with almost 10 years ago I wish I could beat sense into them, and I haven't seen them in that long! Not healthy but reality. Not as bad as I used to so it gets better. But you will start to do what you need to and be able to control it. You have controlled yourself for 5 months, right? Now you have to work on not obsessing over it.

    I am pretty certain she probably tries to avoid you at this point? Or is she that stupid not to after that? You are certainly going to have people in the work place that grind your nerves and especially so with PTSD. I know that with it I think the general public seriously lacks common sense and it drives me insane. I think that is a pretty common way to feel with PTSD. As with PTSD what we see as common sense doesn't seem to really be to the rest of the world.

    What you should do, or try to, is see that you cannot change people around you or mold them. No amount of getting pissed is going to help, just add even more stress to an already stressed mind. Since you can't change others, you work at changing your perspective. Lot of work and easier said than done. Amuse yourself in your head over this person and their idiocy if need be. But don't give them the power to control you and how you feel. It does control how you feel when you obsess over it too. It takes a lot of practice and it doesn't happen over night, but one of the things you have to accept. You know the whole accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

    You can't change she is an annoying dim-wit. You can't :boxem: So all you have left is accept it, accept how you feel about her. Then you work on your real issues, since she isn't one. You are just full of rage and she is a good target since you already can't stand her. As annoying as she is, she isn't what is making you feel like this to this extreme. You get to what is and accept reality of people are annoying and that is life and you will be feeling better and not want to harm as much. We have a bad habit of going after an easy target the rubs us the wrong way rather than facing our demons that made us this way.

    Have you started a trauma diary yet? It is a good way to get started and get the demons out.
    Sorry for being long winded, bad habit.
     
  8. Remnarc

    Remnarc Member

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    On other forums for some reason I myself will only post one to two sentences. If I find a post there that is close to a paragraph I just hit the back button and look for something smaller lol.

    I am happy to say that HERE I have the time and temperament to read the longest posts. Almost everything that is written is what I am feeling also. It goes a long way to be able to feel the OP's POV!

    Right now I feel drained though beyond belief. Like I have been running all day when in fact I've sat behind a computer. Hate days like this one, where I dwell on the negative. It takes such a toll on me.
     
  9. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    Identify with Anger as powerful and controlling

    Feeling like I can’t stomach another moment in my own skin and going right out of my f’n mind. Too much pressure. It all feels too too too f’n much! Too much f’n noise piercing through me head, itching everywhere, like you wouldn’t believe, especially my face and neck and eeeehhhh. I must be allergic to something as this is driving me nuts. Constant interruptions are provoking a lot of my irritability and anger. :angry-fla Feeling just plain hateful right now, and did not wake up this way. No cigg. in site to inhale and suck up. This sucks! Husb. threatened to argue with me again last night, over nothing, so I’m pissed off at him still, even though I’m pretending all is forgiven, for the most part. Sick of his argumentativeness. I’ve blocked and avoided about 9 arguments in the last four days. Keep hearing myself saying and thinking, ‘that’s right, I need to keep a safe distance, a safe distance.’ Torn in 3 different directions right now, other than the one I’m choosing at this moment. Suppose to be someplace…expected, almost demanded that I come outside this instant…want to be doing something else that needs to get done, and here I am, so f’n pissed off. If another person interrupts me I think I’ll lose it. Feel like I’m about ready to give up on this no cigg. shit, hope to hell I make it through this day.

    Also, have to say as much as I want to join in on the group chat today. I have no compreh. of how it works, yet. It’s not from a lack of info., rather a lack of my compreh.either, I’m simply unable and unfit to understand. Will see, I might give it try.

    Just lost my temper, :angry-fla slammed the front door and told the kids and husb. now they can stay outside and locked it. 100th interruption and f’n fed up. They want to know why they have to play outside for more than 5 min., told them every kid in this nation goes outside to play. We have a beautiful yard, it’s a nice day, and they’d rather be inside, or else to threaten to make life miserable.

    ……said the hell with everything and left the house. Just arrived back 1 ½ hr. later. Have calmed down much. Did not smoke. Came across someone I know and we had convers. Will soon attempt to apoligize and get along with family, for the rest of this day. Still truly disappointed that chances are I will not be able to participate in group chat.

    Last few day dealing with much insecurities, in addition to everything. Plus fears to continue in this forum for fear others will get to know me, reject me and validate every shi*#y thing I’ve ever thought about myself.

    Identify with Anger as powerful and controlling …and how the f*#&! do I cope.
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Get to the root of the anger is only way to fix it. But hostility IMO is common territory when quitting smoking. So you just may have to wait until it passes and work on exercise to burn energy. Every failed attempt I made I turned in to Satan's lil sis...

    My new machine is up and running now to put it in there and hopefully get in shape. (And not take a bat to my house again)

    And how could you get rejected by a group like us??? We are all a bit whacked and go up and down in extremes... I think you need to work on fearing letting people in on here. We all have weaknesses and bad choices. You do not get judged. What you will get is advice how to move past it questions asked and work through it and accept it. None of us are angels and I think we have done more than our own fair share of bad shit... (really bad)

    And honestly I think the Holidays like Thanksgiving and Chriatmas about to be here do not help. Holidays are a bit of a downer.
     
  11. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I understand the anger at idiots at work. Especially when they do nothing but suck the air out of the room. Remnarc, you getting into a jerk-wad's face and 'expressing' yourself is something I've wanted to do more times in the last few months that I can count!

    Actually, my tolerance for idiots in general is in the dumper. The other day some guy was walking in the middle of the parking lot (talking on *&%$# cell phone) and was blocking traffic. The window was down and I yelled out 'Get the f*uck out of the way!' I've never done anything like that before in my life. I thought my hubby's eyes were going to pop. LOL My fuse is pretty short these days.

    The temper goes hand in hand with my stress level. This isn't like me (or wasn't, anyway). When I'm feeling particularly mean, I want to put up a sign to just leave me the hell alone.
     
  12. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Oh Marlene, I think many of us "ladies" have hit that point and had stuff like that fly across our lips... And shock us as bad as we did those around us when it happened! I remember a few times... LOL.

    That fuse getting shorter please keep this in mind.
     
  13. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    That's what I'm afraid of the very same thing happening, no sh*#, abruptly losing my mind and behaving as if pals with Satan.

    What new machine do you have veiled? Is it a treadmill?

    And, you know my world and life has been rather small, and those I've known family and others have generally thought in 'All or Nothing' thinking. So when you say I think we have done more than a fair share of bad shit, this happens to be true of me too, however, it's awfully hard for me to get past my fear that if I own any of it, others are going to quite naturally go to and think at the other extreme that I must be no f'n good, rotten, useless, and wicked. FOO fck'd with my head, so badly, daily (and motiv. in a great deal out of jealousy). Never could figure out what the heck they were jealous of. Not the way I felt and all. And others whom I've got to know, they were not necess. healthy minded people, I was stripped of self-esteem and kind'a depend. on them to tell me who I was.
     
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