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General How To Help My Partner With Fear Of Abandonment?

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Silvi

New Here
Hi all,
finally I find the strenght to write here, hoping someone can help me.
My partners state of health is getting very serious. A major depression episode since 10 months, cutting, daily suicidal thoughts, crying breakdowns every night and day and his fear of abandonment seems to get out of control. Our nights are short, because everytime I need to sleep he gets panic attacks. Its a common thing that he needs to drive to hospital in the middle of the night to get an injection because he cant manage depression and fear of abandonment. I loose my strenght every day more. I try to stand by him, but he absorbs all my energy and I dont know what to do anymore.
Doctors and therapists suggest him urgently to get a treatment in a clinic. But he refuses it. His argument is, to be locked in a clinic will trigger his fear of abandonment so bad, that he probably would kill himself there. On the other side, his situation gets worse daily. We tried a clinic treatment some months ago, and his abandonment phobia literally exploded. He cut, cried and wasnt even able to make therapy. At the same time a local therapy treatment at his therapist isnt enough and he drifts away every day more.
I am at my edge. I have no solution. And I am close to give up.
Please can someone help me? Is someone outthere who has an idea how to survive a fear of abandonment in a clinic?

Thanks a lot
 
And a mix of inpatient and outpatient treatment, or a frequent outpatient / daily basis but outpatient, isn't an option?

(I don't know the medical system where you are, hence asking if that's even an option).

Something where he wouldn't be committed, but would be under medical supervision enough.

Also, can something convey your presence to him, that he could take with himself? Would texting him daily help any, staying in touch, help at all?
 
its nearly impossible to get such a mix of treatment here. Its something I had already hoped for. It would really had been a chance.

We already text daily. We are in constant contact via email and whatsapp. A break of more than an hour makes him already panic.
 
@Silvi I have learned that when my sufferer is having an episode, there is nothing I can do or say that gets through. About a year ago, out of desperation, I took a chance and told her (as I was walking out the door because I couldn't take it anymore) to call a trusted family friend. She did and although it has been, and still is, a difficult road, she would listen to that friend and take their advice even if I was saying the same thing.

She went into the hospital and we were fortunate to have staff that, with the proper meds and therapy, started her on the road back. Is she cured? No but we are walking the path back together.

I wish you and your partner well.
 
Is someone outthere who has an idea how to survive a fear of abandonment in a clinic?
He has to try and think of the clinic as going towards something, rather than away from something. Going towards people who are going to be able to give him round the clock support. Which he needs. It sounds like things are pretty bad, which will likely mean he will need to be put onto medication. It's infinitely easier to do that in a controlled environment of a hospital; they can do it faster, and he can get relief sooner.

I would just emphasize as much as you can that it's not going away, it's going towards. He's not being abandoned, nor is he losing people; he's actually gaining a whole treatment team.

I know logical reasoning with him isn't going to work too well; he's in the land of emotional reasoning now. But if he can feel that it's not very different from going to the hospital in the middle of the night to get help - it's simply a longer version of that. He still will come home, after having gotten help.

We tried a clinic treatment some months ago, and his abandonment phobia literally exploded. He cut, cried and wasnt even able to make therapy.
Do you have an option of treatment at a location where his current therapist or any other doctor works?

I don't know your country's system well enough...from what you describe, above, it sounds like it was not at the level of care that he needed. He should be somewhere where cutting isn't going to be an option, nor is missing therapy or group sessions. Here in the states we have many different kinds of inpatient centers. The ones that deal with serious treatable mental illnesses, that a person would seek out treatment at, are generally very safe and well-staffed. The ones that are more generalized and designed for low-prognosis patients are really unhelpful to anyone who needs a well-monitored combination of drug and cognitive therapy.

He sounds like he's in a very rough place, but PTSD is treatable, as is depression and anxiety.

How are you doing? Do you have enough support?
 
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