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How to prepare for upcoming terrible emotional event?

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Iyllsa

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I was initially unsure where to put this. I thought I'd put it under relationships, then depression, but I concluded anxiety may be better as I am really concerned that I will legitimately lose my mind and I don't know if that's part of one of my anxieties.. I believe it to be true and I believe it will happen in due time if things go the way they do.

Long story short, I'll possibly be losing physical contact with my friend. It's possible we may be able to hang out, but right now it seems unlikely. It may not be until a great time of deal passed.. Just like anyone else I do not handle loneliness well.

Last time I lost physical contact with my friend for a few months I freaked out. My depression took a terrible dip, I became more suicidal, I dissociated a lot more, more night mares, inability to sleep, and that, I'm sure, did not help me think clearly. I already have difficulty thinking when stressed, even with my friend physically keeping contact once in a while, but I feel like I really go off the rail..

I think I typed up a few messages and comments while in that state. It wasn't that bad at the time, yet it felt terrible and I know it looked bad. I realized that I wasn't thinking clearly, but at the same time I couldn't quite.. fix it. I guess. I don't know. I didn't really know what was happening and why.

I don't have many other friends, my best friend is really my only friend. I feel most comfortable with her and we are close. I don't handle change well and it makes my anxiety shoot through the roof.

I also want to add that although I am worried for this, I do not have negative feelings toward my friend or toward the event. This is for the better of her. She is moving away to a place she will have a very good chance of feeling happy and better (which has been proven in the past) and she'll possibly have her dream job. Seeing her happy makes me happy, but I fear the same thing will happen last time and possible worse. I'd rather see her happy than suffer. I realize the high possibility that our relationship is unhealthy, but right now I am more concerned about how I can prepare for this upcoming event.

What would be some suggestions for this?

I'm already thinking I'll try to write down stuff I consider pleasant or that helps me when I'm feeling a little lonely... but I don't know if I'll be able to remember it. I mentioned it to my therapist, but at the moment I am unable to contact her due to me constantly being around people. Speaking of being around all of these people... I feel terrible. A few people think it's because I'm an introvert and I'm being "overstimulated." Anyways, that's another thread or discussion...
 
Instead of thinking of it as a terrible emotional event, I wonder if you could think of it as part of the changes that come with life, which will feel hard for you but - in the same way as it will open up opportunities for your friend - it may open up opportunities for you too. I'm not generally a "think positive" kind of person but starting out with the mindset that it's a terrible thing will make you look for the terrible parts.
 
Instead of thinking of it as a terrible emotional event, I wonder if you could think of it as part of t...
You make a good point, Suzetig. Iyllsa, if you try to encourage your brain to think of this as something positive, that may help your situation. I know you can't magically think away your anxiety, but a soft reminder to yourself that this is for the best and will offer you as well as your friend a chance for new (comfortable, nonoverwhelming) experiences- that would not hurt.

I think the best preparation you can have is reminding yourself that this will not be the end of you or your friendship, merely a new way to experience your friendship.
 
@Iyllsa - I would suggest you reframe this as an opportunity for you. With all that you've posted about concerning this friend, it's very likely that you will have a different reaction this time than the one you had in the past.

But, as @Suzetig said - if you expect to have a profoundly negative reaction, you increase those odds.

You do not have to be social in order to find ways to interact with people. Is there a type of hobby or sport you've been vaguely interested in, that you could pursue learning/taking classes in?

Shifting your attention now will go a long way towards helping you navigate this transition.
 
@Iyllsa - I would suggest you reframe this as an opportunity for you. With all...

I'm not always social in the sense of talking to them. I can't do that anyways because I get overwhelmed by talking to too many people or spending so much time with people. I need my time alone and I enjoy it, but I'm really worried about the lack of physical interaction with my friend mainly because of how I reacted last time. I know the possibilities of it not happening again is there, but right now it doesn't seem likely. I am currently working in a field of great interest and I do love it, but I've seen how loneliness affects me. It really does mess me up and I'm not sure if I'm even thinking about it correctly. I don't know what to think about it and I'm not sure if I'm ready to really hunker down and organize my thoughts on the matter. I know I'm avoiding it, but I don't feel ready to think about it as I know it'll just make me even more anxious about it. I know that when it happens it'll hit me like a train.
 
I'm really worried about the lack of physical interaction with my friend mainly because of how I reacted last time. I know the possibilities of it not happening again is there, but right now it doesn't seem likely.
You need to make the decision to act differently. As long as you think of it as a reaction, you will not be able to have much cognitive influence over it. But you know this is coming, and you can handle it differently.

I am currently working in a field of great interest and I do love it, but I've seen how loneliness affects me.
Im a little bit the pot talking to the kettle here...but you can find ways to be around people without having to interact directly. One of my go-tos is simply going to a coffee shop to sit and do work on my computer instead of sitting at home. I don't have to interact with people but I am among them. It makes a difference.

Art classes are great - especially drawing - in that every one is engaged in their own task, you are just all doing it in a room together.

I believe you have a dog - is that right? Can you expand your routine with your dog?

I know that when it happens it'll hit me like a train.
This is not a fact. You cannot predict the future. It's a very common cognitive distortion to believe that you can...and so is catastrophizing. Which this also is.

I strongly suggest you look around your community for a 'complete' DBT program. One that is set up to run for 6-9 months, with the three pronged approach of group therapy, individual therapy, and phone support. You would benefit enormously from it, just in terms of managing/changing your own thoughts and feelings. And it would also give you a good structure for navigating this change coming up.
 
You need to make the decision to act differently. As long as you think of it as a reaction, you will not be able to have much cognitive influence over it. But you know this is coming, and you can handle it differently.

I agree with @joeylittle. I am in the process of learning to manage my anger, particularly when I'm driving. When I choose to drive slowly and carefully, that's exactly what happens 99% of the time. When I just default to whatever I do habitually, I end up screaming my throat raw at the idiocy of other drivers - and ignore the insanity of my own maneuvers - 100% of the time.

A conscious choice can go a long way. Maybe not instantaneously. Maybe not as far as you'd like. Maybe the end result is not what you expect. Maybe anxiety or depression or suicidal ideation - or any other symptom listed in the DSM - will flare up and try to overwhelm you.

Hold your ground.

If making this sort of choice is not something you're used to, consider preparing yourself to give in. It's a reality that - let's face it - could happen, even when deciding, with full conviction, that you are going to respond differently to your friend moving away.

@Iyllsa, if I were in your shoes (I'm not, so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn't fit), and I felt unable to maintain my choice to make this upcoming separation different from last time, I'd make another choice to be compassionate, rather than shaming, with myself.

I could think something like, "Darn it, I'm such an idiot! I should've known it would be the same as last time. I can't do anything right, can I? Ugh, I hate my life!"

Or I could tell myself, "Deal with this situation differently is hard! And I knew it would be. But I did try. That counts for something, right? Failing sucks, but I'm gonna stick with it. I'm too proud of myself for putting up a fight to surrender. And who knows, maybe success will come a little easier tomorrow."

You can go with the paragraph above or the one above that. But it's your choice. And that, unlike your last sentence in your last post ("I know that when it happens it'll hit me like a train"), is a fact.
 
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