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How To Talk To Kids About What's Wrong With Me?

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Thizette

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My partner's kids have been visiting us for the past two weeks.They're funny, smart, and thoughtful, and also loud (trigger). Mostly it's been good, and my partner has been understanding about when I need to just go hide somewhere quiet for a while. Something came up in the car the other day, the nine-year-old mentioned the thing I have a phobia of, and we told him not to talk about it, but he's nine and you know how kids push that stuff, and it ended with serious-dad-voice telling him to drop it. And I felt bad, because the kid has no idea what's really going on. The oldest (12) has talked to me about her anxiety, and knows about mine and that I have PTSD, but not why--she doesn't need to know why at this point in her life.

I love kids, but they can also be hard to be around because I've had three failed pregnancies. I don't ever want to be pregnant again, and I'm absolutely fine with not having natural children (there are plenty of people to love in the world, I don't need kids for that). It's just hard sometimes. I don't like to hold people's babies.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I don't know how to be with these kids. I don't know how to step-parent with PTSD and I don't know how to talk to them about my issue when there's something wrong.

Yesterday I dissociated for over an hour. I was in the shower the whole time, so it's not like they saw me being weird, but what if something like that happens when I'm the only one at home with them? How do I explain it if something like that happens in front of them? How do you talk to them about this stuff?
 
Maybe talk to their parents first and if they don't do anything to settle the kids down, go to the children and the parents in a group setting.
 
Maybe talk to their parents first and if they don't do anything to settle the kids down, go to th...
Oh the noise isn't the issue so much as it is being able to talk to them in a real way. When the noise is too much I step out, or if it's a designated together time I ask them to lower their volumes. Usually it works. Occasionally Dad steps in with a "stop yelling or go to your room," but that's about it. I'm more worried about how to talk to them about random crying and blank stares, so they don't freak out when it happens. Like, how do you talk to a kid about the panic attack you just had? It hasn't happened yet, but I'm willing to bet that it will at some point.
 
You said the kids are 9 and 12? Your right they don't need to know why you have PTSD. But you can tell them you have it and point out some things they may see you do. Tell them what to expect to see and what to do if they see it. It's always the unknown that scares us the most. Then sit and watch Inside out.
 
Kids are funny things, they accept people at face value and yet they can be as perceptive as hell. I subscribe to the K.I.S.S. (keep it sweet & simple) method for everything and it works out really well with kids. Just be yourself and talk to them with respect (I'm not saying you're not, just saying a lot of people tend to talk down to kids). Usually if you show a genuine interest in them they will be more than happy to talk to you... I tend to ask a ton of questions about whatever they are doing or what they are interested in. Let them lead and if they ask questions about you or your private self, just the simplest most straight forward answer is the best, without details. All they really want to know is that you are OK and they are OK too. And you dont have to be a step/parent - you get to be a friend - no pressure. Just relax with them and remember to breathe...
 
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