My partner's kids have been visiting us for the past two weeks.They're funny, smart, and thoughtful, and also loud (trigger). Mostly it's been good, and my partner has been understanding about when I need to just go hide somewhere quiet for a while. Something came up in the car the other day, the nine-year-old mentioned the thing I have a phobia of, and we told him not to talk about it, but he's nine and you know how kids push that stuff, and it ended with serious-dad-voice telling him to drop it. And I felt bad, because the kid has no idea what's really going on. The oldest (12) has talked to me about her anxiety, and knows about mine and that I have PTSD, but not why--she doesn't need to know why at this point in her life.
I love kids, but they can also be hard to be around because I've had three failed pregnancies. I don't ever want to be pregnant again, and I'm absolutely fine with not having natural children (there are plenty of people to love in the world, I don't need kids for that). It's just hard sometimes. I don't like to hold people's babies.
Anyway, all of this is to say that I don't know how to be with these kids. I don't know how to step-parent with PTSD and I don't know how to talk to them about my issue when there's something wrong.
Yesterday I dissociated for over an hour. I was in the shower the whole time, so it's not like they saw me being weird, but what if something like that happens when I'm the only one at home with them? How do I explain it if something like that happens in front of them? How do you talk to them about this stuff?
I love kids, but they can also be hard to be around because I've had three failed pregnancies. I don't ever want to be pregnant again, and I'm absolutely fine with not having natural children (there are plenty of people to love in the world, I don't need kids for that). It's just hard sometimes. I don't like to hold people's babies.
Anyway, all of this is to say that I don't know how to be with these kids. I don't know how to step-parent with PTSD and I don't know how to talk to them about my issue when there's something wrong.
Yesterday I dissociated for over an hour. I was in the shower the whole time, so it's not like they saw me being weird, but what if something like that happens when I'm the only one at home with them? How do I explain it if something like that happens in front of them? How do you talk to them about this stuff?