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How Would You Describe How Depression Feels?

Discussion in 'Depression & Suicidal Ideation' started by Hashi, May 26, 2012.

  1. Hashi

    Hashi VIP Member

    I sometimes see depression described as a grey fog or grey blanket over everything.

    For me it seems like a thick glass wall between me and everyone else. I can see another kind of experience of life but I'm kept completely apart from it. Sometimes I feel like a ghost, trapped and forced to haunt the earth, different from the humans here.

    Physically I feel like I have no strength to do anything, like I'm a rag doll. Mentally, I feel like my mind's weighted down. It's as if there are guy ropes (the sort you secure a tent with) pinning it down on all sides, so if it tries to move it can't.

    I wondered how depression feels for other people?
  2. krikkit

    krikkit New Member

    It feels like lead around my chest. It's impenetrable. Nothing nice can get in, and I feel heavy and weighted. All I want to do is sleep or avoid others, and nothing can lift that weight. My brain moves slowly, but most of the sensation comes from my chest. My body is pinned, trapped, and isolated from my interests or happiness.
    Girl3, Srain, ^^FlyingSolo^^ and 4 others like this.
  3. Helliepig

    Helliepig VIP Member

    I'm not sure I can really answer the question What I was told was depression turned out to be the mix of feelings that comes from fear, loneliness, dissociation, grief, all the weird preverbal feelings and unresolved issues all morphed into a horrible feeling. it's like the way you are not allowed to feel your real feelings so they get lumped together into something "treatable" as opposed to people looking at the real situation...replaying what happens in an abusive household.

    "Depression" is like the price you pay for not feeling that stuff in it's real sense. Does anyone actually have "pure" depression if they have PTSD?? I'm not sure. I'm not sure that I ever have.
    Girl3, Srain, ^^FlyingSolo^^ and 5 others like this.
  4. Ted Moen

    Ted Moen New Member

    Depression feels angry and stupid to me. Depression is just anger turned inward and PTSD is all about anger, so I guess it's pretty natural for PTSD depression to feel angry. And when the anger is turned inward its all about letting yourself be so stupid and naive over and over and knowing you're either doing it again or about to do it again. And it feels so futile. So angry and stupid and futile. That's how depression feels to me.

    Ted (notdepressednowbutrememberinghowitfeels)
    gizmo, Junebug and Hashi like this.
  5. Nadia

    Nadia Wish I could say all the things that I should say Premium Member

    It feels like a black hole.
    Srain, ^^FlyingSolo^^, gizmo and 4 others like this.
  6. shell

    shell Guest

    Depression for me felt like I could never feel good again, there was no hope, despair that was never ending.

    Depression was the feeling that I had all the joy in life sucked out me, and would rather die than continue to feel the way I felt, because feeling nothing was preferable to feeling the depth of pain I felt.
  7. Ayesha

    Ayesha Beautiful Disaster Staff Member Premium Member

    Like I will never be happy again. Everything is a fog. Everything slows down. When I am in a crowed place, it feels like I am separate and alone. Everything is magnified.

    I'll add more later.
    ^^FlyingSolo^^, Kaii, gizmo and 3 others like this.
  8. Sammy

    Sammy dog mom Premium Member

    Depression feels like a heavy, cold blanket wrapped around my chest making it difficult to breathe or move. It feels like my mind is lost in a deep, dark cave with no way out. It feels hopeless and lifeless. There are no colors and everything is shades of black and gray. Depression feels as though the life has been removed from my body and I can't move. Depression is a despair that weighs so heavily on my chest and shoulders, it paralyzes every aspect of my being. For me it is beyond anger when there is no more energy to be angry.
    ^^FlyingSolo^^, Kaii, Hashi and 2 others like this.
  9. Jen93

    Jen93 VIP Member

    For me- PTSD is like a glass box, everything around me is happening as usual, but nobody reacts to me as they see me banging in the box.

    Depression for me is like being locked in a dark closet- like someone's pushed you into it, and you can't see what's happening around you. Nobody tries to get you out of that closet either, and you're forgotten. There's sometimes no point in trying to get out, because nobody is even in the room that the closet is in anyway.

    So yeah... That's my take on it. You're just stuck in that closet until somebody finally remembers "Ooops! It's raining-I think I need an umbrella!" then they open the closet and they're like "Oh I forgot you were in there! Come on out and let's have lunch! By the way, can you pass me the umbrella behind you? Thanks."

    Helpful, but oblivious to what you've gone through in that closet, embarrassed, and wanting to deny it happened.
  10. Meadowsweet

    Meadowsweet VIP Member Premium Member

    When I was a teenager I had a kind of depression that felt like a black fog came down and would go on and on. That was like a blanket that covered up all other emotions. It felt numb and dead, nothing moved me.

    Now I have a different type of depression, it feels like I don't have any energy physically, but my mind is tortured with things I ought to do and ways I could be better, but feeling hopeless and unable to get up. I think now it's more of a mental exhaustion to heavy periods of anxiety.
  11. SketchyPaddy

    SketchyPaddy New Member

    Everything is meaningless. I long for death to come because life feels painfully long. There isn't any point in doing anything. Why should I get dressed and go to work? Why should I talk to people? Why should I exist at all?
    ^^FlyingSolo^^, Hashi, heidi and 3 others like this.
  12. piratelady

    piratelady Be the Duck Premium Member

    I feel like there is a fog in my head. I interact with people, I work but my brain has trouble comprehending what is going on in my life. I am always tired, but unable to sleep. My body always feels so much heavier. I just want to sit and be alone with my thoughts.
    ^^FlyingSolo^^, Hashi and gizmo like this.
  13. gizmo

    gizmo Follow a rainbow trail. Premium Member

    Like in the fairy story where the girl is put in a room full of straw by the king and being told to spin it into gold or else.
  14. Spiderallis

    Spiderallis VIP Member

    Remember that old movie 'The Blob'? I think of depression as being stuck in that black goo, slowed down, heavy, and when my head is submerged I can't hear or see anything else. It's quite sticky and hard to crawl out of too.
    ^^FlyingSolo^^, Hashi, heidi and 2 others like this.
  15. Chincho

    Chincho VIP Member Premium Member

    I feel empty inside. I go about my day, talk to people, and do what must be done. Nobody seems to notice that there's a big black hole inside of me that sucks all my feelings, and that no matter what I do, nothing fills that hole, nothing makes me whole.
  16. renee-des

    renee-des New Member

    It feels like complete emptiness. Like something is missing. Like a hole in your heart or your chest or your stomach. It's just complete emptiness and the worst part of it is it feels like you can never escape it. It feels like you will always be empty. The missing piece will never be found.
  17. miss_isolated

    miss_isolated New Member

    It feels like I'm not a part of the grand world that everybody seems to live in all together. Sometimes it's like I've got no purpose and I'm here on earth by accident with many others who are also here by accident. It's a sense of complete separation.
  18. Lapislazuli

    Lapislazuli New Member

    My depression feels similar to yours, Hashi. I feel like there is this gray wall around me, with a sense of disconnect from everyone else. I feel rather numbed and detached (to the point I feel I'm completely alone, though realistically that isn't the case) when I am feeling depressed from PTSD. I have learned how to snap myself out of the gray wall with meditation, assuming I have the proper space/environment to meditate in.
    ^^FlyingSolo^^ and Hashi like this.
  19. kdblossom

    kdblossom New Member

    Depression feel like I am sitting in a bottomless pit with no way out.
  20. Christian Price

    Christian Price New Member

    It feels like a gangster initiation beat down and I'm the wanna be gangster and depression is stomping on my guts and kicking my face in. Then add PTSD from a decade of child abuse, a prior attempt with a firearm and the stigma surrounding what I did. Its an all out savage street war sometimes.
    ^^FlyingSolo^^ likes this.
  21. fairywings

    fairywings New Member

    Depression feels like love lost.
    Helliepig, ^^FlyingSolo^^ and Chincho like this.
  22. frozen

    frozen New Member

    Profound darkness. Empty, and completely hopeless.
    Am not "living", crippled and frozen.
    The only thing I'm able to accomplish is living another day.
    The grief from losing myself consumes me.
    Helliepig, Chincho and ^^FlyingSolo^^ like this.
  23. feelingok

    feelingok New Member

    I am having another episode of depression now, and I used to have a serious one some 8-9 years ago and it lasted for about 3-4 years. Not only did I feel life was hopeless and meaningless, like some people said, I also felt complete emptiness, like a hole in my heart, but it was more than that. In those 3-4 years, I felt like playing pirate ship ride every minute of the day, like my heart was flung thousands times in a day, dropping from the very high to the very low constantly. A friend who didn't see me for some time those years was surprised to see me still alive when we met again. I don't have ptsd, but my ex does. It seems depression from ptsd is a bit different ... or as I read the symptoms of depression for men (more anger issues?) and women are different.
  24. Helliepig

    Helliepig VIP Member

    This really struck me today because this is how i feel. I have reached a point in my therapy where I have suddenly got in touch with my absolute yearning for mum, for the connecion I never had and in so doing it has plonked me squarely back into what I used to feel as my depression.

    What I feel right now is exactly how you describe, exactly how I have felt over and over, but I have never been able to "see" it with the clarity I have now. I have known the theory, I have thought it, I have wondered, I have tried to figure it, a million times, but only now have I moved into the space that occupies this emptiness and can feel where it comes from.

    Abandonment, shivery fear, the aloneness of forever, death. Nothing and noone to help..The first time I've seen clearly, rather than just understood intellectually, that this "depression" is the deep abandonment tragedy of my little child.

    I have read what people have written, how they describe this, but until I was ready to move into these layers deep down, it was just noise. Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah. As this will be to those who read what I'm writing and aren't quite in their right place yet either.

    I'd like to tell you what is the other side of this place, how it feels to grieve it, how you can live without this insane deep wound and for it to be ok, but I don't know. Yet?
    Hashi, renee-des, gizmo and 2 others like this.
  25. Helliepig

    Helliepig VIP Member

    PS "depression" can be desolate hurt, rage at abandonment, terror and aloneness, deep hopelessness and warm swollen tears that can never be shed. It can be the dreadful long existence of a child waiting for someone to come, "love lost", forever in nothing. It can be any number of these things and more, mixed up in an individual concoction, that is your personal tragedy, your personal grief. It can be different between men and women and between women and women and between depression and PTSD and between depression of PTSD because our wounds and traumas and tragedies were unique..

    It's a bit like taking a palate of deep frightening colours and mixing them up- everyone's streaks and patterns will be different. Some might have a unified colour, others unmixed... some with bigger splodges of paint than others. Some with one layer of paint, others with new layers inflicted over and over....

    The secret to understanding is in your own history, your own trauma, your own pain. Then the colours of your symptoms give way and you start to see the colours and brush strokes that started it all off..
    gizmo, maddog, Lizio and 1 other person like this.

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