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Howdy - Mother Traumatized Me

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Victorya, Sep 7, 2007.

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  1. Victorya

    Victorya New Member

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    I think I'll nose around a bit more before delving in, or more likely to see if I feel like delving in, but thought I'd do a quick intro.

    Also PTSD *raises hand* from abuse described by therapists as 'extreme torture' for most of my life. Basically, my mother had her own issues and decided to take them out on her children and wanted complete and utter control to the point of mindf*cking when physical violence stopped working.

    It's beleived she was bi-polar, my brother (her little accomplice) as well.

    Anyway, I've done interpersonal therapy and am doing CBT now, recognizing triggers, the spirals into depression, anxiety behaviours, etc. and for the most part am doing better than before, well, for a much greater part as I recognize WTH is going on now when before I was just scared of how my emotions shifted and felt I had BP too.

    It's a long process, there's hope, always hope. I do write about it (started a blog) part of the therapy - as I write better than I speak - and to remember (while learning to deal with the holes).

    I guess what prompted me to intro myself is that an x-ray for another problem showed a couple of broken bones (well, a fracture and a break) that the doc said happened in childhood. I have no memory of this at all, I was always told I never broke any bones. It was an ARGH moment for sure. I just need to ARGH, lol.
     
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Welcome to the forum Vic!

    I have lot's of those ARGH moments too. LOL

    bec
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Welcome to the forum.
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Welcome to the forum... sounds all quite positive in your attitude and approach, well done. Nothing like fighting for our own life, as such.
     
  6. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    Hi :hello:, and Welcome Vic, to the forum !
     
  7. Victorya

    Victorya New Member

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    Thanks for the welcomes.

    Yeah Anthony, I try and keep positive. I've had my moments of doom for sure, but I am out of it - at least - haven't spoken to my mother in years now just trying to get the last remaining echo of her voice out of my head. There are times it comes on strong (like when I WANT to connect with another person and I hear my mother and all the talking and screaming about how they just want to hurt me and abuse me and blah blah blah)

    It's funny (not in the ha-ha) way. But the conversation at lunch today was about human trafficking within the US and how people can't escape, they don't realize how these brain control things work. I am lucky in that I can talk freely about it, to mention that it just takes well-placed threats. My mother used the threat of rape to keep me from 'talking'. When I went to the school psychiatrist she threatened to have me sent to my father so he could rape me, or to send me elsewhere to be raped. Since an early age. And that really creeps into the mind. The escape is hard.

    Anyway, long-winded again, but that all goes to the hope. I escaped and that's behind me now, now it's picking up the peices and moving forward. (and realizing which peices to leave behind).

    And yeah bec, those ARGH moments, lol. Sometimes I don't mind just screaming it out :)
     
  8. susane99

    susane99 Member

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    Welcome Victorya. By getting away from your abuser and getting on the way to healing, you are winning. It can be a bumpy road to victory but it will be worth it.

    Susanne
     
  9. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    Welcome

    Hi Vic,
    welcome here. Just joined myself, so I'm all new here too!

    X
     
  10. nov_silence

    nov_silence Well-Known Member

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    Great job on the work you have so far.

    Best, Nov
     
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