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How's Your Xmas Cheer? PTSD and Christmas

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I just want to do something to make someone happy... and can't think what to do.

I want to spend christmas with God, but not have to die to do so.

I can't stand the thought that I am in a Unit with 4 empty rooms right now, and there are homeless people out there in the real world at christmas time, while the people who normally live here are overseas on hollidays, or mooching off their parents for free rent and food in nearby towns!

I want to give their rooms up for the Hollidays! But it isn't up to me!
 
Conflicting memories on the holidays

As I have said in my journal, Holidays are the worst part of the year. I use to love the holidays and was known in the family as the Christmas Queen. Then the PTSD emerged and that was that. For many years now I accept that they suck and just try to get through any way I can. For a while I tried to create new and different holidays by travelling to the beaches of Maine and staying in a hotel with a jacuzzi. I enjoyed that some what but I would rather do it alone then drag my Mom with me. The past few years have just been awful. I put off everything until the end and then its crunch time. Part of it is overcoming the challenges of flashbacks and nightmares from Mid November on every year.

I totally agree with that EMPTY feeling. It all just seems so fake on the outside. But such is the game we play for others, NOT ourselves. If we did not have people to play it up for I wonder what would be different?

Cindy
 
Two years ago I just wanted to die. I was in so much pain that I had to have morphine reguraly. Luckily it got better.

Last year both my parents had recently passed away - and the holidays was full of grief.

This year - Most of December we have spent at the hospital with my grandchild. - but now he is at home - and getting better every day. He will be with his grandma this Cristmas.

I so look forward to Cristmas dinner and spending time with my family this year.
 
I have lost the Christmas spirit and haven't been able to find it for the last few years. It's too bad because, growing up, that was the only time I could just about guarantee things would be good. The whole year could be filled with scathing contempt, unpredictable violence and rage but, that one day, I could pretty much count on it being good.

Although that's how I grew up, maybe it's no longer reasonable to expect so much from a single day, or even a (holiday) season.

When I'm depressed and hypervigilant, it's hard not to be self-absorbed and preoccupied with fixing that. I'm back on some homeopathic stuff that reduces hypervigilance, so, now that I'm able to think of something other than the consuming struggle of the hyperarousal, what I need is to think of others a bit and how I can give to others. I think that might help with getting into the Spirit of Christmas.

-Dylan
 
I absolutely hate Christmas. It's a major trigger for me, as one of my traumas happened on Christmas day, and the offender of that particular trauma is my "mothers" boyfriend, who's going to be at my nan's place for lunch! Coupled with the fact he's an alcoholic, and alcohol is another trigger, especially when it's older men who've been drinking. Along with that my alcoholic uncle will also be there.

It's just so fake and all that put a smile on your dile christmas spirit crap really enrages me. I can't believe people actually believe that other people give a crap about them, when they haven't seen or given a crap about them for the past year. Which re-inforces my unhelpful thinking of people not genuinely caring, but they just do it to get something out of you then leave.

Yep, i'm a total scrooge, but I think I have a good reason to be!
 
Ohhh, I'm with you, BassistKara. What bothers me most about the holidays is the hypocrisy - as you said, the fake part. Put on a happy face and pretend to be pleased to see people you don't talk to all year long (for a reason)...act like you enjoy making small talk with folks you don't give a fig about...give to charity when you don't even consider it the rest of the year...mail out cards and pictures to relatives you don't like, just because you're related to them...UGH. I just don't do it.

I've noticed that this year, I am getting very few Christmas cards. And that's actually rather nice! With one exception, those I'm getting are people I actually like and at least sort of stay in touch with.

T and I discussed Christmas. We have both noticed that the "Christmas spirit" just doesn't seem pervasive this year. Nobody either of us knows seems really "into" Christmas, even the people who traditionally are.

I'm having a tough time with it because the dogbite happened 10 days before Christmas last year. Christmas was awful. This year, I'm just not doing much, and not expecting much of myself. The most fun I've had so far was shopping for, wrapping, and shipping a box of stuff to a girlfriend stationed in Iraq. That made me feel good.

I've written more about Christmas in my blog, so as not to dominate this thread with a super-long post. :smile:
 
Christmas is the hardest part of the year for memories...usually. Since my EMDR...I have actually felt some calm and peace about these situations. It feels weird. I actually feel like a little bit of the weight I have been carrying on my shoulders is lessening and i am looking forward to the future......the christmas music is not bothering me as much and I find a calmness sitting with my tree on...a weird but good feeling.
 
I've been feeling excessively flat and empty about Christmas, was the same last year and the year before that. The kids and their partners will all be here for Christmas, as they are every year, I should be happy about that, at least they still want to come home, but then it would be so much easier if they didn't. I don't know.
I used to get right into the whole deal when the kids were younger, singing carols, making arty,crafty stuff, baking etc...just nothing at the moment though.
Part of my trouble is Christmas when I was a kid wasn't great, kids usually amused themselves while adults sat around gambling at cards and drinking.....I alsways made a big deal with my own kids because of that, now I'm feeling, they're grown up, why bother.
 
I understand that feeling, wattle.

I am trying to take the advice of others here and keep it simple. I do what feels right. I saw a holiday movie with a friend, and looked at tacky Christmas lights, which was fun. I'm wrapping presents, which I do enjoy. I'm doing a lot of stuff alone--instead of trying to have fun family time (which is an oxymoron!) So far this is going better than years past.
 
I hope everybody here has a relaxing and restful holiday. Remember, if things get stressful, it's ok, breathe! Maybe keep a list of coping methods in your pocket when you go to places you know you'll be uncomfortable.

I've got one Xmas party (already done) and a dinner to go to. Very laid back, no pressure, and only a couple people to think about gifts for. It'll be the first year I didn't overwhelm myself with a giant gift list and so on...
 
Salley, and the rest of you guys! We all have holidays issues to deal with and have turned into grinchs because of it.

Salley hit the nail on the head when she made one simple statement about this holiday season. She said she wanted to make someone else smile and be happy.

Well, excuse my language, but isn't that WHAT THE HELL IT IS ALL ABOUT? ? ?

We sit around all pissy and in bad moods and then wonder why we don't like the holiday season.

So get off your asses and go do something nice for someone else. Someone who is alone and has no family--good or bad---to spend time with.

My mother has an elderly friend who has limited sight and absolutely no family anywhere. I picked her up and took her for a ride to see what she could of the holiday lights around town. Then I brought her home to visit with mom and see our tree. The 2 ladies talked and laughed and really enjoyed themselves.

THAT MY FRIENDS is what this season is about. Doing nice for others. Sitting around and feeling sorry for ourselves is, IMHO, a very selfish act on our part.

I cost me nothing but a little time and some gas to make another human being happy.

So Salley, there is a suggestion for you.
 
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