tiredmomma
New Here
Hello all,
First of all I want to say that I would not be able to post this if I had not already experienced a wash of love and support from the people of this forum. I have yet to read an unkind, inconsiderate word. Thanks to all who make this such a wonderful place.
I need to know how you feel about the behaviour my husband exhibits. Is it normal because I push him into it? Is it my fault, should I absorb some of the blame for his cruelty?
First of all, our relationship is such that if I do not say anything (bad) or complain, he will be silent. If I do complain - he lets loose a litany of angry, extremely hurtful things - such as, bad mother, lazy, incapable of working, this is his house, he pays for everything, so he’s going to take it away, etc. Over the years, I have complained less and less - it’s too costly to me. His parents say to just disregard his statements. I have learned to seek their advice less and less as well.
I can’t even mention wanting to talk about things anymore, he blows up. His parents think he's depressed - they expect me to try and help him - give him omega three everyday, like a child...they even mentioned jokingly slipping anti-depressants in his food.
2 years ago I was suicidal. He told me he did not care if I went through with it, and after refusing to talk to me for a day, my friend called and I guess my husband told him exactly how he felt, because my friend told me I had to get out of the house and away from him. So I ended up locked out of the house for a couple days, until he had to go back to work and needed childcare... We never resolved this, and I'm certain he would react the same if it happened again.
I'm certain he (unintentionally or not) sabotages my healing - like interrupting my sleep hygiene, I feel he is such a barrier to my healing! And it's not as if I haven't talked to him, had conversations with him about the importance of my healing behaviours to him where he has listened and acknowledged what I'm saying. At first (about a year ago) I asked him for help, but then I just started asking him not to interfere - but he continues to do so, and now I’ve just started to live around him.
I just don't feel any emotional connection to him anymore. I'm frustrated I've done so much to change and better myself, he has no interest in developing emotionally, I'm certain he wants a Stepford Wife, as long as I behave as such, he seems content.
Erin
First of all I want to say that I would not be able to post this if I had not already experienced a wash of love and support from the people of this forum. I have yet to read an unkind, inconsiderate word. Thanks to all who make this such a wonderful place.
I need to know how you feel about the behaviour my husband exhibits. Is it normal because I push him into it? Is it my fault, should I absorb some of the blame for his cruelty?
First of all, our relationship is such that if I do not say anything (bad) or complain, he will be silent. If I do complain - he lets loose a litany of angry, extremely hurtful things - such as, bad mother, lazy, incapable of working, this is his house, he pays for everything, so he’s going to take it away, etc. Over the years, I have complained less and less - it’s too costly to me. His parents say to just disregard his statements. I have learned to seek their advice less and less as well.
I can’t even mention wanting to talk about things anymore, he blows up. His parents think he's depressed - they expect me to try and help him - give him omega three everyday, like a child...they even mentioned jokingly slipping anti-depressants in his food.
2 years ago I was suicidal. He told me he did not care if I went through with it, and after refusing to talk to me for a day, my friend called and I guess my husband told him exactly how he felt, because my friend told me I had to get out of the house and away from him. So I ended up locked out of the house for a couple days, until he had to go back to work and needed childcare... We never resolved this, and I'm certain he would react the same if it happened again.
I'm certain he (unintentionally or not) sabotages my healing - like interrupting my sleep hygiene, I feel he is such a barrier to my healing! And it's not as if I haven't talked to him, had conversations with him about the importance of my healing behaviours to him where he has listened and acknowledged what I'm saying. At first (about a year ago) I asked him for help, but then I just started asking him not to interfere - but he continues to do so, and now I’ve just started to live around him.
I just don't feel any emotional connection to him anymore. I'm frustrated I've done so much to change and better myself, he has no interest in developing emotionally, I'm certain he wants a Stepford Wife, as long as I behave as such, he seems content.
Erin