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Husband Has PTSD - Neither Off Us Recognise Him

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by hannah, Dec 2, 2006.

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  1. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    Hi I'm Hannah- have already contibuted to some threads - overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil our family has suffered the last 3 years I was calmed by the knowledge this web site shows I am not alone - Ill explain......


    "darling" husband did 22 years in Forces ending up 18 months in Iraq.....Don't recognise him - he doesnt recognise him - he has a thousand yard distant stare , cold, grey eyes replace the sparkling blue and he doesnt care if I wear my wedding ring or not ! He doesnt sleep well , he sweats profusley and he withdraws from human contact. He is aggressive admits he is selfish but proclaims he loves his family dearly. He is damaged by our arguing as I just did'nt understand what the heck was going on.......

    I am not a physician but I recognise most if not all the symptoms of this awful thing - he wont talk - no check - he is starting to talk but I feel it is too late he has moved out and says he needs "solitude". He is a hard worker and is putting all his effort into his job. I am trying to care from afar as I want my best friend back and my kids albeit grown up kids dad back..... what does life have in store for us..... this is our silver wedding anniversary year and it has been the darkest hell. Sorry this a downer.

    over the last few days I have saturated myself with knowledge as he wouldnt talk I have explored PTSD MLC and just plain soul searched, calmer now the arguing has ceased we both are but what the hell to do for the best ? We miss him dreadfully.
     
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  3. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Hannah it must be a Silver wedding anniversary thing my husband has PTSD and has for a few years but this year our 25 years of marriage was the worse. he is getting help now but not before he took me through the wringer.
    Is your hubby getting any help at all?
    Jen
     
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hi Hannah, welcome to the forum. I will catchup with you over the coming days / weeks, just busy with family matters at present. Welcome aboard and glad you found us.
     
  5. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    Hannah, hello. I have ptsd and have had for 10 years or better. Probanly a good part of why I'm on my second marrage. I can tell you from being there that your hubs does mean it when he says he loves you and your kids but the turmoil that his head is in doesn't allow him to think like you would like. He really needs to get some help from the V.A. You can start that ball but he must be willing to receive help or it wont do any good. PTSD is a very complicated thing. It has many complex symtoms and not the least is anger and depresion. It can be very hard to accept help becayse of thoughts of being percieved as crazy. PTSD is actualy a physical disorder not mental. It starts out mental and then develops into physical. Probably the best thing you can do is learn, love and encourage.
    Best of luck.
    This is the right place for ypu to gain support and help.
    We're her for each other.
     
  6. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Hi Hannah, your description of your husband sounds eerily like my dad when he came home from his last deployment. I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say you're definitely not alone and this is a really great forum for support and information.
     
  7. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    hello Hannah...welcome aboard. You will find tons of support here and understanding spouses too! I hope that things will get sorted out. He does need to acknowledge that he needs help and seek it out. I think he needs someone (therapist) that will push him to talk. Is there anyway that you can let him know that this website exists? He is welcome to talk and vent here...we all understand ptsd even if we got this disorder from different traumas. I wish you the best of luck and take care.
     
  8. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    Thanks guys...... what a find this web site was thought I was going crazy.

    Met him last night for an hour - that seems to be his limit - he has met our daughter as well and seems itching to get away!!!

    He looked awful really drawn - hes pleased with his new abode - says its really peaceful needs solitude......

    He is glad peace has been restored in our family home--- he doesnt realise the void hes left and the peace here is now excruciating silence in his absence sad I know...


    At the point of pressurising him I asked him if I should still wear his wedding ring ? he replied it was up to me arghhhh and upon recieving my hurt look he
    told me to wear it if it made me happy??!!!!! He told me I had to do what I wanted to do as he doesnt see any chance for us at the moment and hes living day by day !!!!

    I said I loved him sooooo much and would wait ... he said he might heal ina few days months or years..... what is going on in his head ???

    He needs some documents so he said he would ring and come to the house to pick them up I have discouraged him coming here cause I dont want him walking in and out of our lives at his convenience hard you might think but we are in emotional turmoil at the minute still raw any advice on this one.

    He also have told all other family members he is staying put locally but keeps telling me he Might work abroad who knows with xmas looming it is such a worry.
     
  9. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    I would be inclined to say that he is staying distant in an atempt to stop hurting the ones he loves. Doesn't make sence and it only makes things worse but to him if he isn't there he cant hurt you. Just a guess cause I have these same feelings sometimes.

    Christmas wow, that's a hard one, probably going to be a painful confusing time for him and all concerned.
    I'm not trying to cast doom and gloom, just a guess.
     
  10. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    welcome to the forum, hannah. i hope your husband will find some help like this, too.
    cathy
     
  11. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    Hi both, thanks Ranger can I ask you ?- I know I can be lets say "determined" but thats who he used to love confidence and my wife ad motherly duties that carried out with control.

    But everything I say suggest or try to do for him...... Give him Laundered shirts sugeest I help in any way he contantly refers to is as pestering... i see it as caring what do I do ? stop caring for him altogether or continue to throw little gestures in and hope he will look back and appreciate.

    dilemma mmmmm dont want to keep making him angry but am reluctant to back of f altogether help from a male whos been there would be good.. cheers mates
     
  12. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    What I can say for now is that I believe he love the way you do things "with controle" because he loved being in the military, and the way you do things fits the millitary way. Now he may be feeling that he is regreting or angry that he was in service because of thing things that he did or saw due to his service. That would resonably mean that your mannerisms may remind him of his service. I still have trouble with that one on ocasion, it ate me up inside for longtime. I'm not saying that you need to condem your self or your actions he loves you for who you are, hes haveing a personal problem with his past and unfortunately you get to be a part of that. PLEASE HEAR ME, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT OR SOMETHING TO BLAME YOURSELF FOR!! You have to REMEMBER YOU DIDN'T DO THIS and YOU CAN'T FIX IT. I understand that that sucks. I truely am sorry.
     
  13. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    thank you ranger for your wisdom and experience I hope this is not too difficult for you I dont want to upset you thats the last thing i would want



    ---- so are you saying the only one is me that sets him OFF because that is how it is looking at the moment I am the only person he is angry with --- he is civil to everybody else - he loves my mother also very much and is aware of her ill health and yet told our son that he would recieve a phone call from her but will not get in touch with her !!!!????? doesnt make sense to any one here ????


    Ive thought of trying to get him to talk to me by email----- perhaps
    i could use a pseudonym and dupe him is that ethical???? exsapserated sorry
     
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