Kriamjolee
Learning
My wife and I are at one of our lowest points. We've been married for 11 years, together for 16. She was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by her father throughout her childhood. He was more physically aggressive with her mother than with the kids, and she always protected her mother from him. Taking weapons, hiding her Mom in her bedroom. It was ugly to say the least.
Her major point of trauma was the horrible December in 2000 when he shot her mother and them himself. We were living together at the time, and her brother called us in a panic hoping she would be able to stop the fight they were having. We got there too late. We missed the event by seconds and, unfortunately, saw the horrible aftermath.
I've been with her since. Things were a blur for a couple of years. But, she is such an incredibly strong woman. She really seemed to cope well until she had a break down about 3 years ago.
Since, she's been retraumatized more than once after witnessing a random shooting and separately a stabbing. The childhood abuse, the death of her parents and everything else has culminated in severe depression and complex / chronic PTSD.
We got her to see a psychologist after the break down and she has been put on a regiment of meds. Though they seem to do little to stabilize her mood, stave off the depression, or lessen her anxiety anymore. She stopped seeing her doc for a bit because it got too hard for her, but is now back with him. He did a great job ripping away the hard exterior she's built up throughout
her life, but holy hell... What a volatile situation this rebuilding process is.
Unfortunately, I have reach my own breaking point. Everything I've been attempting to do to help alleviate her pain and sadness just seems to blow up in my face. She accuses me of manipulating her for my benefit. She recently told me she is repulsed to even look at me because I've hurt her so much. I, honestly, have been questioning my own sanity. Her perception of the recent past is so far off from mine. I don't know who's right anymore.
I recently started talking to a therapist, too. I feel like I'm losing myself, let alone my marriage.
She's now moved to our basement. We've been avoiding each other as much as possible. She said that we're toxic.
Wow. I'm rambling on and on, and yet, I have barely scratched the surface.
I've been lurking on these forums for a few days and was relieved to read that I'm not the only one that struggles to be a supporter. It's been eye-opening, especially seeing how little self-care I've been allowing myself. I guess I feel selfish, or like my problems just aren't worthy of our time while she is struggling.
...
I'm going to just cut myself off, or this could go on forever.
Thank you for reading. Any questions, insight, guidance or criticism is welcome and greatly appreciated.
Peace,
--Kris
Her major point of trauma was the horrible December in 2000 when he shot her mother and them himself. We were living together at the time, and her brother called us in a panic hoping she would be able to stop the fight they were having. We got there too late. We missed the event by seconds and, unfortunately, saw the horrible aftermath.
I've been with her since. Things were a blur for a couple of years. But, she is such an incredibly strong woman. She really seemed to cope well until she had a break down about 3 years ago.
Since, she's been retraumatized more than once after witnessing a random shooting and separately a stabbing. The childhood abuse, the death of her parents and everything else has culminated in severe depression and complex / chronic PTSD.
We got her to see a psychologist after the break down and she has been put on a regiment of meds. Though they seem to do little to stabilize her mood, stave off the depression, or lessen her anxiety anymore. She stopped seeing her doc for a bit because it got too hard for her, but is now back with him. He did a great job ripping away the hard exterior she's built up throughout
her life, but holy hell... What a volatile situation this rebuilding process is.
Unfortunately, I have reach my own breaking point. Everything I've been attempting to do to help alleviate her pain and sadness just seems to blow up in my face. She accuses me of manipulating her for my benefit. She recently told me she is repulsed to even look at me because I've hurt her so much. I, honestly, have been questioning my own sanity. Her perception of the recent past is so far off from mine. I don't know who's right anymore.
I recently started talking to a therapist, too. I feel like I'm losing myself, let alone my marriage.
She's now moved to our basement. We've been avoiding each other as much as possible. She said that we're toxic.
Wow. I'm rambling on and on, and yet, I have barely scratched the surface.
I've been lurking on these forums for a few days and was relieved to read that I'm not the only one that struggles to be a supporter. It's been eye-opening, especially seeing how little self-care I've been allowing myself. I guess I feel selfish, or like my problems just aren't worthy of our time while she is struggling.
...
I'm going to just cut myself off, or this could go on forever.
Thank you for reading. Any questions, insight, guidance or criticism is welcome and greatly appreciated.
Peace,
--Kris