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Husband using heroin...

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hurtandlonely

so my husband was using heroin behind my back for some time. i found out from his roommate. he called me and told me that my husband was using. i was in shock about it but it made sense. so i confronted him and he denied it for a while. then finally admitted that he had done it, but minimized his use.

he last used a few days ago after he promised me he would never use again. it was crushing. i felt so let down and so disappointed and hurt. it was a bunch of emotions. all bad. i fear that he will die every time he uses. but he doesn't get scared by the thought of dying. and that scares me even more.

i love him so incredibly much, but i'm also growing angry. i'm angry that he could do this to himself and also to me. it hurts.

right now we are fighting because he was given pain pills (vicodin) from the doctor and he took it. he's acting angry and not himself. it hurts so much. he's mad at me because i don't want him taking them. he just used 5 days ago. and now he has a full bottle of pain pills. that scares the shit out of me so much. i'm mad because i know i'm powerless over any of it. i know that i can't stop him from doing anything. i can only HOPE that he doesn't. and i trusted in the fact that he wouldn't use again. but then friday, my heart was crushed when he used.

i see the long road ahead of us and it scares me so much. it scares me because i see how sick he really is and i know that i love him with all my heart but i also know that i can't stop him and i can't save him. and that is like a knife in my heart. i want so badly to save him, but it's slowly dawning on me that i can't. now i'm covering up for him. i covered for him to my family. i made up a story to tell them so they wouldn't know that he used. and now i feel like crap for it.

it hurts because i'd do anything for him, but i feel like he won't stop using for me. like i'm not enough for him to stop using for. it hurts more than i can even say. the last few days i've cried so much, and it's all been because of him. i never thought i'd hurt like this and it sucks so much. now it's an every day thing that happens. i hate that. tonight was hard because he was actually mean to me, and he never was before. but now he is and it hurts because i don't like who he is becoming. and i don't know how to stop it any more. so i don't know what to do and tonight i am feeling hopeless. it just sucks so much. i wonder if anyone else can relate...
 
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If he's using heroin, he can't just stop. He's addicted and needs to get help to quit. It's about a 3-4 day detox but he will most likely need therapy and a strong will to not use again. I know of someone that was using, has been in and out of jail because of it. She used for several yrs and finally got herself clean. Went back to school and became a voice against heroin use. She also got a rally great job working with addicts to help them get clean, helped them with getting therapy, and became a voice for them in the courts.

She relapsed and went back to using again and for 2 yrs LOST EVERYTHING That she had gained. Her home, job, everything. She recently went in for help and sh starting to put her life back together again. This isn't an easy drug to stay away from and it's a life long fight...

Your husband needs help way beyond you asking him to stop. It just doesn't work that way!!!!
 
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