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Other Hypersexuality

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Despite the sexual abuse I have suffered, sex is the one thing that can distract me from a flash back and make me feel safe. It makes no sense! Having someone on top of me makes me feel safe and protected, how does that work? It messes with my mind pretty bad. it.

Sex is my hands down favorite grounding technique. It's the one time where I'm completely present, aware, & interacting. I'm wholly in the moment, and there is no future/no past. Masturbation is something like a distant 14th. (But simple snogging comes up to a distant 2nd or close 3rd). It's the interaction between other people that makes things click for me. Like tumblers in a lock, it's just the right combo of all senses needed and being used to pull me completely into the present. Orgasms can & are awesome resets (for me) and if I can catch a panic attack very early on, I can usually "hotwire", jump start, "and now for something completely different" my brain... But nowhere near as effectively as sex can & does. Sex nixes not only panic attacks -at any stage of them-, but full on flashbacks.

No childhood sexual abuse.

My libido & sexdrive were already wicked high before I got PTSD / there is little to no change in my before & after. It's just that after, it's a useful tool in addition to being one of my favorite things, ever. Yep, got a little compulsive about sex back when it was the only tool in my toolbox (when you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail), but once I added more tools? Sex is still as fun and as useful as ever. Adding tools didn't mean I lost out.

Yep. I feel safe tangled up with someone, half or wholly under them (honestly, whether I'm safe with them, or not). Love that feeling. Sex or no sex. ((Just like masturbation/orgasm can be a substitution for sex, there are substitutions for feeling protected & safe under. Which isn't automatically sexual. SPD kids/adults, ASD kids/adults, ADHD kids/adults (et cetera) often use weighted blankets, tight wrapping, and other substitutions to elicit a similar feeling of calm/ safe.))

Also hafta say I'm with your spouse on the BDSM as therapy thing. I can & have enjoyed some BDSM relationships... But it's a highly skilled area, that demands a lot of both skill & trust, and comes along with a high risk of doing more damage in unskilled hands, even "just" as play. That puts your spouse in a very, very dangerous position. Either in damaging your relationship by the inherent risk of one of you being hurt by the other, or you yourself becoming damaged outside the relationship by someone who doesn't know what they're doing... And your relationship suffering as a result of your new trauma. Plus the self harm issue. Plus the potential for pain to pleasure changeover and your own sexlife becoming boring... The list of risks inherent in exploring BDSM either inside or outside of your marriage stacked against potential gain? I would be exceptionally wary, as well. (Read full on balk.). And I enjoy it (even though it's not my "thing") / have nothing against it.
 
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I guess nobody has this problem due to sex abuse or rape and PTSD?
I really never thought hypersexuality is caused by sexual abuse.Sure PTSD depression and anxiety yes but hypersexuality is biological and chemical purelyl.Maybe abuse presupposes how you cope with your urges.
 
Sex is and should be fun. If it is ruining and interfering with your life, then it's a problem, but if not, then you just have a high sex drive.

I have a high sex drive; the most orgasms I've had was 35 (and I lost count) in 2 hours by masturbating. I'm turned on easily and very passionate and romantic. Sometimes I feel awkward or guilty before having sex but that goes away. Sometimes I even have intrusive thoughts and flashbacks but I ignore or acknowledge them and keep on going. If I do 3+, I can go a few weeks without needing to do anything and anything higher than 8 orgasms, I'm good for a few months, haha. I'm still working on not feeling guilty because it's too fun not to do. Intimacy with someone else is definitely a different story with me, though. Very hard to do.

Maybe masturbate and do 5+ orgasms in a row and then see how you feel. If still horny, keep on going!
 
Hey... uh

I suffer with this I have been Raped before and sexually assaulted.... ever since the Rape I have craved sex like a physcopath.... I have trouble masturbating I can't seem to get pleasure alone so I started sexting...
Messages pictures however things...
Well it's hard to find people to do it with I am not even sure if it's natural for me to be doing it all I know is it calms me down and relieves anxiety and depression.

My diagnosed things are : PTSD,Depression & social anxiety.

I am 20 years old...

I don't even know why I am writing this...
 
Hi J20. I'm glad you posted. I am new here and was actually wondering why there aren't more threads about this. Sex is what drove me to therapy last spring. Like you, I was raped and assaulted and that's when my libido took off. I am older and married now. I turned to sexting last year to fight off a huge depression. That's just not a good idea if you want to stay married.
I finally sought treatment to see if I was bipolar. I have a few family members who are. Anyway, that was ruled out and I was handed the PTSD diagnosis instead.
I am very fortunate that my husband is a wonderful, caring and supportive man. He knew about the rape before we married and he knew that I always struggled with this. If you ever find yourself trying to settle down, do everyone a favour and make sure you tell that special someone about your past so you can both build a future together.
 
My trauma was fire/ems. I just started a thread under pain...I think. Orgasm has always been to some degree a big stress reliever when dealing with other peoples trauma and my PTSD. Without it I am a bigger mess.
The really strange thing that stumps me is a recent urge, need to feel something like ??...humiliation, pain mixed with crazy pleasure.
I can't explain it or find words to describe it yet. Nothing in my past would suggest a cause to me. I don't know what to do with it. Not these strange, for me, needs, cravings , etc. ??
 
@donethat I was concerned when I developed the same desires. There are lots of reasons some one can develop the desire for sexual pain/humiliation. Some relates to trauma. Others not.

I just got back from therapy where we spent most of the time discussing sex and why I did what I did last year. I know that my first sexual experiences being absolute violations contributed the most. I know that I wanted to elevate my mood and numb out. I know that craving pain helps me feel something. There are other reasons too. The thing to take away is that sex and the brain are complicated. A desire may have dubious reasons behind it OR it may be pretty innocent. What matters is if the desire is interrupting your life or not.
 
Thanks, it is only interrupting mostly my thinking and internal feelings. As Freud said..."sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". Maybe the "why" is less complex than I know. But it is a powerful force.
 
@raven123 I totally understand what you are saying. For me, from the beginning sex has meant nothing to me emotionally-absolutely nothing. I disassociate a lot, do things that are painful or whatever because I feel like I have no control..I do feel that it is way easier for me to have a relationship based around sex than to connect emotionally-I actually told my last bf that I don't like emotional intimatcy. Sex eventually became a way to avoid intimacy which sex is supposed to enhance intimacy but..I feel like I become another person when I am in that "mode" and I say/do things that would probably shock people who know me...idk why it has become this way for me to gain control over a situation I often feel I have no control over...
 
I find myself zoning out (dissociating) quite a bit sometimes during sex. Pain helps bring me back. Also, I agree that often times sex is easier than intimacy. Which is why it was easier for me to seek out other men. There was no intimacy involved. I did however fear being abandoned by them which is a pain I will do anything to avoid.

I've been with one man for 17 years now. We have worked through a lot of this stuff. I can be intimate with him or I can struggle to stay connected. I can shock him with the latest way I want to get freaky or I can halt everything abruptly to reorient my brain when fear takes over. I have these freedoms because he is a trustworthy anchor who is not going anywhere. His consistent love/friendship has been my saving grace.
 
I can shock him with the latest way I want to get freaky or I can halt everything abruptly to reorient my brain when fear takes over.
This quote right here really hits home with me...I can be so hot and cold....I can appear pretty much addicted to sex and not just sex but sex anywhere/willing to do anything or I can become disgusted with myself and really feel like a sexual object and halt it but then he gets upset so I am back to being freaky again....there goes the pattern of my adult life
 
....there goes the pattern of my adult life
And mine too. Well with the exception that my man doesn't get that upset. Although, I fear he will and that keeps me trying to please him.

I also go through periods of intense attraction to other men. All men pretty much and that really pisses me off because I actually love and am attracted to my spouse and I don't want the temptation. I think its a fawn response. I haven't figured it out.
 
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