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General Hypervigalance 101

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LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
J walked me through his thought process about hypervigalance last night. We were watching tv and he had to use the restroom. When he came back into the living room he was panicked.

He's told me about shadows and dark corners so I know his concern about those. The house is never completely dark.

When he came back in the living room with me he explained his panic and literally walked me through it. He had me walk behind him down the hall in the dark.

Clear office. (a slow assessment)
Clear spare bedroom. (same)
Hit bathroom and turn on light while turning to check backdoor (across from bathroom).

He explained a few triggers. A blanket thrown on the couch. A stuffed animal. A pile of clothes. Nightstands. Backpacks.
All of these things were /are dangerous. They cause explosions and death.

He went on to say it's always like that. On good days. Stressful days. Sunny days. All the time. He mentioned how they've discussed it in group. But no one knows how to stop it.

I said we can get some night lights for the hallway. Ha. " I don't need a fu*king nightlight"!

I drive him crazy because I was raised to turn off the lights when you leave a room. Sometimes I don't even turn them on and fumble around in the dark looking for something.

Im so glad he shared this with me. It all makes perfect sense! Now I will use lights all the time. Not a problem.

Just wondering if anyone has any ideas how to minimize it. I know it's his training and his brain is always in protection mode.

Thanks for reading! XO
 
oh...I wish!

I'm not quite as bad as him as far as clearing all the rooms but I always have every light on, sleep with a nightlight and jump at shadows in the corner. Hubby learned fast that if he catches me on my feet in the middle of the night to never touch me or I'll punch him in the head LOL

Plus I have a huge issue with closed doors -- they are never closed in my house if I can help it. My dog is trained to go inside first and that about undid me because it meant he would get shot before I do. Guru finally got me on board when he explained that no one is expecting a dog when you open a door so if there was a shooter he would be aiming for my head and dog would alert me someone was there. That settled me down a bit on that topic but I still worry about it sometimes

fumble around in the dark looking for something.
Just reading this made my heart race! fumbling in a dark room? are you kidding me?

He went on to say it's always like that. On good days. Stressful days. Sunny days. All the time.

yep -- it becomes a habit you don't even know you are doing until someone points it out

Here's the good news.....
I think its interesting he has such a clear understanding of both his triggers and why he is behaving like he is. That makes me think he would be an excellent candidate for EMDR because that works on miss aligned beliefs rather than trying to talk it out. I can't remember - has he tried that?

I'm also really encouraged that he is sharing this with you, I still don't tell hubby the "whys" of how I behave sometimes so him walking you through his thought process is a big deal. And it was good for you too because it lessened the possibility that you are accidentally triggering him.

I wonder if he would be willing to do that with other triggers? If he can make you more aware of the "danger" he sees, he won't have to work so hard at protecting you and that might take some of the pressure off him?

hmmm...along those lines -- what if he taught you self defense? I'm thinking the house should be a place he can let his guard down but he's in protect mode so he can't. Maybe if he taught you how he wants you to react to what he fears it might lessen that? Does that make any sense at all?
 
Just wondering if anyone has any ideas how to minimize it.
I don't know that you CAN minimize it, but maybe you don't mean "minimize" the way I usually think of it.

First, I'd like to recommend a really good book. "Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior". It's my personal favorite PTSD book. It's geared towards people with a military background, but the author has a great, down to earth manner that I think a lot of people would find useful. He also has a section aimed at family members and a section on dealing with the VA.

Now, to your actual question. Situational awareness is a valuable skill. Nothing wrong with it. What's a problem is when it takes over in ways that are NOT useful. For me, the first step, and the biggest thing, is noticing what's useful and what's not, and when I'm doing something that fits one category or the other. It sounds like he's got a handle on that. Noting that there's a blanket on the couch is a perfectly good first step. The next step is something like asking yourself when the last time was that there was an IED in your living room. Seriously. And I'm not making light of that, because I do the same kinds of things, about other things. My T says to consider possibilities, for sure, but also probabilities. Some of this is habit. At least to a point. Yes, it's the amygdala, but that part of your brain can learn to tone things down, if you help it along. Exposure therapy, of a sort.

I find humor helps too. Like, after I peel myself off the ceiling because of the sudden loud noise, I tend to go with self deprecation humor. (Which doesn't work as well when I punch someone who sneaked up behind me. Fortunately, I haven't done that in awhile.) If you take yourself too seriously, if you beat yourself up for being a moron, what ever negative energy you might want to apply, it just makes things worse.
 
I said we can get some night lights for the hallway. Ha.

In my home there is not a room at night that is completely dark. I installed a combination of dimmers and motion detectors inside and photocell for all the lighting outside. I also have simple plug in timers for floor lamps so in the evening their very low wattage bulbs illuminate those spots. The motion detectors are in the garage, laundry room and pantry. I put them in not thinking this but for piece of mind you know if the light is dark nobody has passed that point for a time.

I didn't master plan this scheme it just sorts turned out that way
 
I need a lot of light at night time for myself along with white noise as well.

I always keep at least two lights on at night when I go to sleep. I keep a light in my bedroom so that it is always on at night time. I keep a nightlight in my bathroom and a light on in my kitchen. I need light.
 
I knew I could count on you guys!

@Freida. I told you J was different. He shares pretty much everything. Even some of the gory sh*t. And I'm totally fine with it.

As for EMDR. Nope he hasn't done that (yet). I'm kinda concerned about that though because of the quantity of trauma he's had. My niece (who is married to my nephew) has PTSD from childhood abuse. Not sure of what "type" of abuse. Saw her at Christmas and spoke a bit with her. I'm the only one she talks with about it. She's down to 95 pounds. After EMDR. She's right back where she started. His physical is on Monday, I'll have him ask about it

Ahh danger. He worries about me all the time. Even mentioned it last night when we talked. I was in a fender bender a couple weeks ago and this probably made it worse. Probably? Lol. It did make it worse. He's taught me some self defense. I can always know more that's for sure. He'd be up for that anytime. Good idea!

And you're right. He should be able to let his guard down at home. I can only imagine what he goes through when we go downtown. Lord have mercy!

Didn't mean to trigger you with my "fumbling around in the dark". Lol
Everything you said made perfect sense. Thanks so much! You're a Godsend!

Thanks for your reply scout86. Gonna get that book asap. I wish he would deal with it with humor. But he just gets pissed. Years ago he was on leave at his brothers. After a night of partying he was asleep on the couch. His brother dared someone to wake him up. Guess how that turned out? Broken nose and a face full of carpet. (his brother is such a di*k!!!)

Situational awareness. Never heard of it. He did mention that he knows nobody is in the house. No one came through the back door. (it's pretty much booby trapped to make a huge noise if anyone even tries). Thanks again for sharing your experience!

And @MrMoinlight. J has alot of different lighting gadgets. I better start putting them to use! Those are all great ideas! Thanks!!

And @Rain. What can I say? I'm sorry you have to go through this too. You're definitely NOT alone! Hugs to you.

Thanks everyone. You gave me alot to think about and some great ideas. Love you bunches!


Boo!! Lol. XO
 
This thread is so interesting. My fiancé always makes me sleep on the right hand side of the bed or so he is closest to the door. It is not that comfy for me because I am left handed so I toss and turn but he is so uncomfortable if he is not by the door so he can protect us if there is an intruder. He has also taught me some self defence but like you @leehalf he worries about me. While he has been isolating that has gone missing a bit and while he was away at war he didn’t get concerned about me out late or by myself, but when he came back and we were planning where to live he wanted it to be somewhere safe that he knew I would be safe when he was away. Sorry this is a bit rambley but I just had the thought and wanted to get it down somewhere and here seemed the obvious place. Thanks!!
 
I feel safe in my apartment. It helps a lot that it’s a studio, so I can see the whole place from pretty much any position, all the time. But the second I step outside, even just to check the mail, and it starts. And it’s exactly like your hubby described (and I haven’t been anywhere near a combat zone - this is just one of those quintessential ptsd things).

Ot made me agoraphobic for a long time. Leaving the apartment was too stressful, so I stopped leaving the apartment. And then after a while, it became that i couldn’t leave the apartment. If it’s left to its own devices and you don’t tackle the issue at all? That’s where it ends up.

Working through that for me? Was just a case of slow and steady. I started with getting myself to the letterbox and back, and I had to do that over and over, and each time make a point of congratulating myself. It slowly eased up, but it was a very slow process, and it hasn’t gone away.

You asked if maybe medicinal marijuana might help? I have no idea. But I can tell you that getting a dog, and keeping my dog with me always? Helped immensely. My dog is watching, and I understand the changes in his behaviour and what they mean about potential threats, but also when he decides that things are safe enough for a bit of a frolic or a snooze.

The best way I can describe it is - it’s as if my hypervigilence is able to simply settle on my dog (which is a trained Assistance Dog, but I don’t think that would be completely necessary to help), and I naturally zero in and focus entirely on him, instead of on everything around me.

So, I don’t know if you have a dog? But of you don’t? Give it serious thought. If you do? Consider teaching the dog to follow your hubby everywhere. Simple treats are enough. When hubby gets up to go to the bathroom? Dog gets up and we go together. Literally, dog and hubby go everywhere together.

Buddy waits outside my bathroom door for me, and even that? Helps me wind back the hyperarousal a lot - I know he’s sitting there waiting for me, I know he’ll let me know the second something is up. He sleeps either on my bed (he’s small) or where I can see him on the floor. If I get up during the night? I’ve trained him to get up and follow me around till I go back to bed. And it’s not a big magic dog-training thing: just telling doggo to come with me, and periodically rewarding him with treats.

Just a suggestion. There’s a lot of combat vets in particular who will attest to the value of having a dog with them 24/7.
 
I always forget he tells you stuff! LOL It's cause he's weird!:p

I think EMDR might be something to look into because it forces you to understand what you believe and where it comes from. Then it helps you rework your thoughts so it doesn't bother you as much. It's intense and terrible and awful! But it's amazingly effective. The childhood stuff will probably come up but that could be a good thing. A good therapist goes really slowly and works on alot of grounding techniques before you get into anything tough. Not sure what happened with your niece but it has an 85% rate with ptsd.

And you already know I'm gonna agree with @Ragdoll Circus on the dog! :)

Here's a random thought. How does a ranger give up his hyper vigilance and still feel he can keep his family safe? Does he thinks (even unconsciously) that therapy is going to effect his ability to do his job? He is trained to protect his unit and his family at all costs. If something goes wrong its on him. So if he thinks therapy is going to take that away wouldn't it kind of fry his brain? Does he understand that he can let go of the worst of his ptsd habits and still keep enough awareness to do his job - which is keeping those around him safe? Or does he think it's an either/or?
 
Maybe this is an annoyingly off base question, but has there been any research in terms of the overlap between hypervigilant checking behaviors in PTSD and OCD checking? Neurologically, therapeutically?

I’m just asking because some of my SO’s behavior can mirror what would usually be termed OCD. I often think that the only reason it isn’t OCD is because the origin and purpose is very clear. He’s not a combat, but a CSA vet. Personal safety and double checking is high on the list, but within a different threat context of course.
 
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