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I Am Afraid Of Death, Not Mine

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Deleted member 28403

I don't know what to say.

It's 4 AM, I'm crying, and can't calm down. I am scared, so f*cking scared. I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to die. Why am I so afraid... ARGH

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know anything anymore... I just want to be there and make sure she is okay now. But it's 4 AM. I don't know what to do.

She said it herself, she could die easily if she had another seizure like that. The chance of survival is 50%. She had a 20 minute seizure, and she could still have them, the medications don't help, someone needs to be awake to prevent the seizures. She said it herself... She doesn't think she will live up to 25 or 30. I don't know what to do.

No other triggers to epilepsy, no photosensitivity, no signs of epilepsy when awake. Just central apneas of unknown source, not found after many many search. Not a heart problem, no area of brain found to be more activated or similar during the seizures. No source found. How to prevent that. Only f*cking thing that works to stop the sizure is to say "pssst" as soon as a central apnea is starting, otherwise, a few seconds more, and it could turn into a seizure.

She had a clinical death, and she survived, but the chance of surviving twice is lower, and every other time, it gets exponentially smaller. If another seizure like that happens, she could easily die. I don't want her to die.

Why can't I stop crying already. Whats up with me... ARGH

She thinks the 3 year old parrot she has is going to outlive her.

I don't know what to do.
 
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She needs to find out what triggers her seizures. There can be a multitude of causes. I have witnessed what a tonic seizure (grand mal) is like for someone, and it is very frightening. Her illness has triggered you to have a panic episode. Hopefully, a diagnosis and some treatment(s) will be available for her soon. Do what you can, when you can for her. It helps to realize that some things in life--both fair and unfair--are simply out of your control. Chances are, she will survive if the doctors find what is causing her episodes. The mini breakdown you are experiencing will pass. If you are a person of faith, prayer helps. If not, know that science has progressed a long way in helping people with that issue. I wish the best for her.
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Other thoughts...

If it's way late / early in the morning, you're in a bad shape, and the situation is something you cannot help by staying up?

It's better to sleep on it, because you can't think straight & be useful to people that way anyway, and would spiral yourself down worse.

I understand the fear for the loss of life, though unless she injures herself lethally during a seizure spell, the seizure itself probably won't kill her. They DO feel awful, like the world doesn't make sense and is collapsing and nothing in one's body bloody listens... but that's about it. If she has no compounding conditions, is not in unsafe situations during the seizure, and is not in danger of other injury physically, it's not all that likely she'd die.

Also? People survive their deaths.

So think of all the chances she HAS instead of those she doesn't, please. At least consider them; don't give up on her that way to buy into the 'no chance' perspective.
 
Well, the death because of a lack of oxygen is a danger.
 
It sounds to me what it is, and how your fear magnifies it, is quite disproportionate, though.

That's alright, fears do that, but she's not dying, and not 'so soon'.
 
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