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I Am Confused By My Psychiatrist Reaction To A Questions. Please Help Me Understand

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Jewels

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My Psychiatrist has been treating me for the past six years. I said something to him that I feel changed the dynamics of our therapeutic relationship. I explained to him that I had a tough week with nightmares every night for the last seven days, struggled with suicide idealization and self harm behaviors, which I didn't act on. I then said I feel like I have taken steps backward and I don't want to disappoint him. I asked him is it wrong for me to worry about disappointing him.

The reaction was not what I expected. He looked away, said that was a loaded question and seem to get uncomfortable. His body language changed from relaxed to guarded. He was biting his bottom lip which I have never seen him do before and he sat in a position that was very guarded.

I am confused! From my chair it was a simple question. I highly respect him. He has been very committed. We both have. I don't have any "feelings" towards him. It's like I step in a wrong spot and now there is a big rock in between us.

Please, if anyone know why this is a "loaded question" can you explain it to me.

I am not one of those people that can process conversations quickly and respond. I have to process the session for a couple of days, which causes me to have a lot of questions in between.

I plan on expressing my observation of his body language to explain his behavior. It would help me out in the conversation if I knew why this question was so alarming.

Thanks for any input.
 
He's scared. That could be taken as you asking him about the status of your relationship, about the same in the dating world as asking a boyfriend "where is our relationship headed" He may be thinking if he answers yes he will be saying that there is a relationship (which could cost him his license) and if he says no he could set back your therapy. He wasn't sure what you meant.
 
You're probably best off asking HIM what he meant by a "loaded question", It just seems like a question, to me. It sounds like HE finds it to be complicated. Did he give you any kind of answer? Have you seen him since this happened?

My first thought was to wonder about the word "wrong", and the word "worry". I can't quite see it as "wrong" for one person to care what another thinks. At the same time, you can care so MUCH what someone else thinks that it can lead to denying what you truly think yourself. And, while it might be ok to CARE, "worrying" about what someone else thinks might not be the best thing. After all, you can't control what anyone else thinks or feels. Not wanting to disappoint someone can be a motivation for positive change. Carried too far, or in the wrong direction, it can be a problem. If he's the kind of person who tends to make things complicated, I can see where it might be hard to just give a straight "yes or no" answer to the question. But, I can see any reason not to talk about it.

Is it possible that his reaction was more significant to you than it was to him?
 
I am really surprised to hear this sort of reaction from a professional. Even if there werre transference happening, he should be (?) trained to deal with that in a professional and healthy manner.

I think this is one of those situations where the professional is failing to deliver the very highest quality service, and I would encourage you to start a conversation with him about this. There's really nothing wrong with the question you asked at all. I would confront him about this before it gets any bigger in your head.
 
Can I just say with reading your thread that what it sounds like is a set back you have crashed into. Meaning that old stuff is finally coming up and your mind and body are ready to deal with it, which means you just have to allow these feelings to blow through and pass in their own time! This happened to me in January. . .it lasted for me for the whole month and it was brutal. Now the thing with PTSD sufferers, we don't see the progress we are making because we are in a heightened state of anxiety and negativity all the time. . .even when the trauma we relive is less intense than before. . .we see it as a disappointment, thinking that we did something wrong and it feels like we in some way let ourselves down. You didn't. You have hit your setback during your recovery. This is nothing to be ashamed about, worried about or even concerned about. It happens and it could happen again, but they always blow through - if you let it.
Okay. . .concerning your T. That was appalling how he dealt with your question and I would urge you to discuss this with him the next time you see him. It's your right to hear his explanation on what he meant. This is a copy and pasted definition of what he replied to you:
  1. A loaded question or complex question fallacy is a question which contains a controversial or unjustified assumption (e.g., a presumption of guilt).
you can jot this down and show him and ask, " What did you mean by this?". He is in a powerful position and has gained your trust and there to help you. . .not add to your trauma and start quizzing yourself all over again! So, I urge you to discuss it with him and hopefully get this cleared up for you!

Do not feel disappointed with your progress. When things are coming up, even how awful and horrendous they feel, it's a release, it's now leaving you. . .but the problem with some of us we end up interpret it as something bad, something wrong, something so terrible, analyse it, try to fix it. . .and get nowhere. Why? Because there is nothing to analyse or fix.
That is what healing is, to be left alone and the rest will work out itself. Think of when you fall off your bike and skin your knee. What happens? It's cut, it's bleeding and sore after impact (trauma), then it gets cleaned (recovery and sore), then it scabs over (healing), but we pick at it, prod at it (part of recovery and over analysing, trying to fix) but this sometimes can make the scar bigger and taking longer to heal. . .so, we leave it, forget about the scab and what happens? A little mark/scar you show off to your friends, your battle wound to show you survived your bike accident! Okay, it's a crap metaphor, but the gist of it means we have to let things happen inside of us and not question it. Everything passes, including trauma, bad feelings, hurt, fear, panic, scared, anger, helplessness, suicidal feelings, etc. . .they all pass, trust the process!

Hope you are okay and :hug: if you accept! Please take care and do speak with you T again and get this cleared up, try not to dwell on his mistake!
 
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Thank you all for you input! It was helpful. I will be asking him next week. These conversations will help me get my thoughts organized and figure out how to approach the subject. This is going to be hard for me to discuss this with him. I usually apologize and accept any consequences as my fault.

I realize that I try to read other peoples reactions, so his response could be bothering me more. I was so confused by his reaction that I may have missed something he said or misunderstood what he was trying to say.

Autumn76, I truly hope he didn't think it was a relationship question. I have the up most respect for him and have appreciated the strict boundaries that we have in place. I have no feelings other than respect. I can't believe that this one simple question, at least from my chair, created such a reaction.

Thanks again!
 
this one simple question, at least from my chair, created such a reaction.
Don't be hard on yourself (easier said than done - I know!) But it maybe caused a reaction for you to learn something about yourself, as you said yourself:
I realize that I try to read other peoples reactions, so his response could be bothering me more.
That is huge progress. . .you are learning more about yourself and yes, you should discuss it with him, if it's still bothering you the next time you see him.
Hope coming here did help though, it's definitely helping me! Keep ranting and venting, it's such a healthy and positive way to get it all out and release! :happy:
 
@Jewels. It sounds like he couldn't handle whatever your question brought up for him. I'd imagine since the two of you are established that you could ask him about counter-transference or, as I've done with my therapist in the past, just tell him you felt he was being weird.

It's so interesting how we work with these folks and even though we feel, and generally are, more out there, vulnerable, and involved- they are too. Like you said, you know his body language to the point that you know he doesn't usually bite his lip, and that his position became guarded. It's definitely worth bringining up to say that you noticed. If he's actually as capable as you've found him in the past, it'll show in his ability to navigate a difficult conversation.

Those conversations with both my therapist and the teacher I get bodywork from have been some of the most bonding one's because they're getting real and it reassures me that they can handle whatever I bring to the room.
 
Please let us know what his response is when you see him next week, I'm curious to know why he said what he said to you :hug:
 
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