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I Am Hating Men More And More

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I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone's comments, but thanks for all the things people have said.

I need to do some more venting now, I've had such a shit day, just in general, nothing really bad day. I feel really ugly today and cried about it, I have had image problems ever since I was maybe 11 or 12. I dispise anyone commenting on my appearance, but one of my friends I guess has implied I'm not good looking, she goes on about everyone from highschool and how pretty they are now and how much they've changed, then she says to me 'oh you just look the same as you always have'. So now my image problems are beginning to resurface and I'm getting worked up about it all again.
Plus I have a bit of a man vent to myself today, I heard my neighbour (the one who was at my door in the middle of the night), well let me just say it wasn't HIM I was hearing but the woman he was with. I could hear her next door, I got really mad and thought about how it's probably some chick he's manipulated to get sexual gratification like he tried with me. Then 10 minutes later I heard someone jump in their car and drive off! So I started to get really infuriated about it and was ranting to myself about how he must have used her for a screw. I'm not going to be able to look at my neighbours without thinking they are pigs. I was reading a magazine and every time I came across a photo of a guy or an article about guys I got angry, plus the same while I was watching tv. Then I walked from my house to my mammas and I had a total of 7 cars drive past and beep their horn or yell something sleazy at me. I feel like I'm going insane with hatred, and it's getting worse and worse.
 
I have no idea what you look like or dress like so please don't think I am suggesting that their behaviour has anything to do with how you look. But, it might give you a sense of power if you start dressing like a 'ball breaker' and, IMHO, will certainly stop the creeps - they are usually cowards so they hate powerful women (scares them to death!!)

No I don't dress in any way to attract attention, as I said in my post just then, I dispise comments on my appearance and don't like the way I look so I would never feel comfortable wearing something that would intentionally attract male attention. But I know what you mean.

As for all men being like that, no they are not. If that were true, rapists would not get such a hard time in prison by other men. Most men believe to rape or terrorise a women is abhorrent.

I'm not just talking about rape, I mean everything, trying to pick up girls, trying to get sex, not backing of when someone says no, lying, cheating in relationships, power, any form of abuse, pretending to be decent to decieve me into thinking they are a nice guy, doing drugs, getting drugs, the list goes on. When that is all I've seen I can't help but think that's the way it is. I've tried to put some trust out orgive someone a chance or the benifit of the doubt, but as usual there is always a side they seem to hide.
Anyway, hope you don't have to experience anything like that again because no one should have to live like that. If they rent the house is it possible you can contact the landlord/owner to complain? I would take some legal advice because there may be things you can actually do about to prevent this happening again.
They actually own where they live so there is nothing a landlord can do. It has only happened once so I'm not going to do anything about it, maybe the cops coming that one time was enough. But if it happened again then I would probably do something.
 
If you lived in Italy this would be common place (the honking of horns I mean) ... men actually clap when they see a beautiful woman.

You sound so distraught but I don't know what to say to you... other than suggesting that you try to see your beauty and allure as a powerful, positive thing to be proud of rather than a negative issue that seems to be causing you shame.

Separate the bad behaviour (your neighbours) from the everyday stuff like honking horns, whistling and flirting - that type of behaviour may be triggering you but the intentions are probably just to appreciate your beauty rather than trying to intimidate you.

A lot of women complain about this type of behaviour so you're not alone in that but these issues need to be talked about with your TH when you feel safe and comfortable to do so.

Hugs

helena
 
If you lived in Italy this would be common place (the honking of horns I mean) ... men actually clap when they see a beautiful woman.

You sound so distraught but I don't know what to say to you... other than suggesting that you try to see your beauty and allure as a powerful, positive thing to be proud of rather than a negative issue that seems to be causing you shame.

Separate the bad behaviour (your neighbours) from the everyday stuff like honking horns, whistling and flirting - that type of behaviour may be triggering you but the intentions are probably just to appreciate your beauty rather than trying to intimidate you.

A lot of women complain about this type of behaviour so you're not alone in that but these issues need to be talked about with your TH when you feel safe and comfortable to do so.

Hugs

helena

What happened with my neighbours was only ONE little thing on top of a lot of other things, that wasn't even half as traumatic as the things that caused me to feel this way in the first place. And honking theirs horns, tonight in Australia is a Saturday, that's when all the sleazy guys come out. When they honk their horns and yell stuf out, it's not flattering at all. Especially when they call me a slut or make lude comments, or follow me home, or offer me money to 'hang out'. And a lot of the time it's a whole car load of guys, not just one.
 
I know, I am sorry.

You are going through such a bad time - this is awful for you. I wont say anymore now because I don't want to upset you.

Just post if you need to vent okay? Maybe you just need to get this stuff all out of you.

Take care and be safe

Helena
 
I know, I am sorry.

You are going through such a bad time - this is awful for you. I wont say anymore now because I don't want to upset you.

Just post if you need to vent okay? Maybe you just need to get this stuff all out of you.

Take care and be safe

Helena

You're not upsetting me at all, I have so much venting to do that's all. You won't be hearing anything positive from me in regards to this topic! I am at the resentment stage of my recoverinng so all I do is rant about everyone and everything I dispise. I (and probably everyone else as well) can't wait for it to be over. My issues with men are the one thing I can't easily talk about with anyone I know. Here is the only place (and my therapist) where I can't just say it without people trying to kill me. Everyone I know just has their 'advice', you know, the whole 'get out there and meet some guys' 'let me set you up with someone' 'you're so stone hearted and stubborn'. :wall:
 
I completely understand where you are at.

Men like that made my world miserable for decades. No sense of safety at all, felt like I couldn't even leave my house.

Vent away I say...........These guys seem to be multipling and they so much remind me of my abuser.........it's intolerable.

I will also say, I did give up on the idea of love, any kind of love between humans. My health detiorated quickly. It's almost like once we stop believing in our soul that love does exist, that kindness happens, that humans are good..........well........my body literally just started to die.

I was done. No love, no God, no kindness.........It's almost like my cells stopped functioning.

It was terrifing. I looked into becoming a call girl even. I just didn't care anymore. Wanted to get something back for all the hurt I'd suffered.

But I didn't. I layed low for a decade. Didn't even go out the door much cause I couldn't deal with getting it on by sleazes.

Then, thought I'd believe just a tiny bit.

And I found one. One year and he is the greatest healing force in my life.......a wonderful man. Respectful, kind, shows his feelings, never denigates me.......always appreciates me.

So........go through your stage. And I'm glad you realize it's a stage. Lay low, keep yourself protected and realize you aren't alone. Talk to us when your lonely or scared.........know that humans have the capacity for good.
 
:hello:Hi there
I am not sure if we have ever talked in any of the other threads or not, but I have read what you are dealing with right now and I really feel for you. A little back ground on me might be helpful. I have always had problems with unwanted male attention. ( I was a model years ago). When I was at my most vulnerable with my CPTSD I would do everything I could to look unattractive. I was terrified because I felt so powerless inside and I was afraid that the wolves could smell it on me. They probably could. The Hospital where I was treated also deals with drug addiction so you can imagine the type of men that were there. One day while I was sitting in the sunshine on a picnic table outside the Hospital, Two men saw me get up to go back inside and one yelled "Hey! Where do you think your going with my C*nt?" Like they owned me. That was a trigger for me.
I went inside and started shaking all over. I was overcome with only one emotion and it was the strongest I have ever felt it. It was raw rage.
I knew then that I had to wear a mask. No silly, not a real mask! I mean a figurative one. :rofl:
From then on I wore my rage in my walk, my body language and on my face. I held my head high and and looked every man directly in the eye when I walked by. If they smiled I smiled, but my smile was hungry, like I'd like to rip their throats out. NO ONE ever said anything to me again. Not one. New people would show up, and still no one. This is why: Men are terrified of Crazy. There was this friend I had in the Hospital. She had her head shaved and a huge tattoo of a skeleton ripping out of her skull. Her whole face was pierced, she wore only army fatigues and steel toed boots. She was terrified to go outside by her self at night because of all the men. I would take her with me . One night a group of men said something to her. I walked up to the loudest one and looked at him and smiled. I asked him to repeat himself. Then I said that I was going to count to three and that he better get the F*ck out of my face before I finished counting. I wasn't bluffing. I would have sunk my teeth into his neck. He and his friends walked away. Now I am definitely NOT telling you this so that you go GI Jane on anyone. That would be stupid, as I was looking back on it. There is no way I could have taken on a group of men. BUT I do think though that there is some value in body language. The girl I was with was trying her hardest to not attract attention. But the signal she was sending somehow gave the sense of fear and vulnerability to those men. They targeted her not me. When I had been triggered it gave me an opportunity to get in touch with all the anger I had in me. It was protecting me.
There is a fascinating book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It explains this better than I can, but it tells you how to deal with stalkers etc. How to use your instinct, body language and you environment to protect you etc. It also talks about the importance of your body language. Do you walk and act like Prey? Bullies love to see you shiver and shake. Don't let them see it. You are a smart and determined woman, I have no doubt. I suggest that you start getting in touch with the pissed off part of yourself, cuz sister I am not even there and I am pissed off for you! You cannot change those men, but you can change how you feel about it.
I think it might be helpful to speak to the police as well. Have it documented that you feel endangered. A journal of events is also helpful as further proof of what your dealing with. Tell then that you suffer from PTSD, they may have some helpful suggestions and maybe help you feel a little safer. Try not to walk alone-especially at night. Walk with purpose, like you know where you are headed. Do not respond to the honking and shouting. Wear head phones (they do not have to be working if you are hypervigilant) as it will be easier to look like you cannot hear them. If you are always seen alone it also makes you more of a target. Got any Male friends? Use their company as an escort if you have to go somewhere. Do not travel alone on quiet or lonely streets. If you are ever feeling really unsafe, walk in the middle of the road where it is better lit and more likely to attract other vehicles. Keep a cell phone with you. At home, music may help drown out the noises from outside. Having people come and go from your own home will also send the message that you are not shivering in your apartment but are busy getting on with your own life.
AGAIN, I am not saying in any way to go over and provoke your harassers. Just make yourself less easily provoked. I only told you my little story as an illustration of the value of body language. Self defense classes can be a good thing if you do not find them triggering. Is pepper spray legal there? Man, I have really ranted here. Sorry, I just really feel for you. I wish I was there with you. Now is a time for courage my sister. You are never alone here. Keep talking, I'll be here!:Hug_emoticon:
O
 
I certainly do get where you're coming from, I've been trying hard not to feel this way, but I don't know if it's possible. There is a deep-rooted feeling in me that men were put on this earth to hurt women. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. I keep hoping that some one will change my mind.
I have to say that I have had some good friendships with men, and now that I'm a middle-aged woman strange guys don't bother me on the street like they used to. One of the perks of getting old!
One of the problems with PTSD is that sometimes when a man gets too close to me on the street or waiting in a line up I panic. Last year a guy was walking behind me on the sidewalk and I didn't see him right away. When he was about to pass me I turned around and almost hit him, then realized that he was just walking down the sidewalk! He said "Take it easy, lady" I was kind of embarrassed and really in a panic.
 
I get like that too, I am so positive of men doing SOMETHING, that I live with this constant alert. But the thing is, almost every single time I am right. I was waiting for the bus a few weeks ago and there was this guy standing there staring at me, I thought he looked a bit nuts, but I could tell he was about to come up to me so I went to look at the timetable, but as I walked back I realised he had followed me. Then he proceeded to ask me if I had a boyfriend, how long have I been with my (imaginary) boyfriend, do I have Facebook, etc. I was really polite about it and finally had a chance to get away from him by tellnig him I had to make a phonecall. I called my grandpa and said I just needed to talk about random stuff while this guy was there, but of course my grandpa started paying me out and saying it's the downfall of being so good looking. I can't stand him commenting on my appearance. THEN, I saw this guy was walking past to see if I had actually gone to the phone! GRRR!
 
I need to get over my past, and all the abuse. There is a lot of resentments to get over, one in particular the fact my family took my grandfathers side after he beat me up when I was 15, and some of them even wouldn't talk to me. They made it out like it was okay for him to do what he did because 'he has a lot to deal with', dispite the fact that hal of what he was 'dealing with' was actually something I was dealing with and what I was in the middle of. They all made excuses for him, nobody did for me. That is, except for my mother because she saw what happeed, and she isn't caught up in my families need to act like a bunch of sheep and stick together on something purely because it's easier for them.
Then there is the fact that nobody really went out of their way to help me when they knew I was being abused, I was expected to just deal with it. My cousins were not allowed to put one foot through my front door, EVER, yet I was left there. They were that concerned for their kids that they banned them from my house for years, but I was left there. Nobody said to me 'Are you okay? Are you being abused? Do you need help? Do you need somewhere to go?'. They just expected ME to ask for help, then treated me like I was a hassle. The most welcoming comment I'd get was 'oh you know you can come here if you want to'. Well f*ck you. Look at the shit their kids are dealing with now, bloody drug addicts, whores, getting abused by their dad and boyfriends, and their dad pissing off to the other side of the country and taking 2 of them with him. It sucks doesn't it? It's not nice when all that shit comes down on you. Well it's not my God damn problem. Even when my cousin ran away from home and came to my house it was all my fault because they didn't know until the next day, why the hell didn't I do something? Well obviously because I MADE her run away! I put it in her head, I always have my 2 cents to put in. So then I couldn't even see her anymore, she ran away and they BANNED me from seeing her! Well if yall didn't f*ck up as parents then she wouldn't have run away in the first place, she wouldn't have tried to kill herself, she wouldn't have kept calling me in tears. But then that would have been my fault too of course.
Even when I was living with my auntie because my mum was living in a car doing drugs with her abusive boyfried, I was a hassle. At first when I was having break downs people cared, but then they started to think I was just looking for attention so my auntie just left me sitting in my room screaming while she bitched bout how I need to just be ignored because I'm faking it. Then she got mad at me once because of a mouse that my cousin and I had caught and called me at my grandparents telling me she is going to e going through all my belongings from now on to make sure I don't have anything to hide. The only reason she said that is because she knew I'd want to leave, and of course she knew exactly what I was going right back into.
I have had barely any support from half my family, even when I moved out of home when I was 17 and kept calling my grandma all the time because my mum didn't want anything to do with me, my grandfather answered one day and told me to stop calling all the time. Even my neighbour at the time wanted me to leave, this old lady, she would tell me I shouldn't be living alone I should be living with my grandparents. absolutely nobody wanted me anywhere.
I need to get over all of that somehow, but how can I when a lot of it is still going on?

And when I look at it, every problem that I've had has stemmed from at one point or anther, a man. My mum is an alcoholic and a drug addict and always gets in abusive reltionships. Why? Because my grandfather used to abuse her. My auntie wasn't letting me see my cousins, why? Because my uncle is a complete psycho.
Plus all the abuse that happened, it was men, other than my mother of course. Losing my home, losing everything but the clothes on my back and having to start all over again, sleeping in an empty house with no beds or clothes or furnature and all the fleas, that was caused by a man. Having to live with my auntie for 2 years, because of a man.
Of all the men that abused me, my mums ex is the one that truly destroyed my life. If I see someone that even vaugly resembles him I think of him. I have a box of his letters that he wrote to my mum while he was in jail, and even through his letters he was manipulating her, telling her not to fel bad for anything I'v been put through because it will teach me a lesson in life and make me learn to appreciate stuff.
When he pulled up out the front of someones house and went to their door with an axe in his hand, it was because he was 'trying to protect me'. Oh of course, and I thought it was because he was a complete lunatic, silly me.
I'm just talking random crap now...

I need to get over it all, I feel terrible for thinking this way, it all just goes through my head every day and makes me hate myself.
 
Hi, thanks for the message and sorry I missed you.

It seems like there were 3 significant people from your childhood that you write about who have caused you a lot of pain:

Your grandfather
Your stepfather
Your mother

But was there anyone else or do you think they may have been someone else?

It also might help to separate them out individually and look at each of their behaviour in turn. If you can try to be as objective as you can and just deal with the facts of what they did without the emotion (for now at least).

If you start with your grandfather, what were the circumstances leading up to beating you up -
 
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