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I am learning i need newer definitions. does this ever happen to you? i need understanding.

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I just realized again, that some of the definitions of some of my words are not correct again. I want to take this into therapy on my next session.

I just went through something that I saw as a verbal attack but in truth it was harrassment and I did not realize my error at the time and have been thinking about this for awhile.

I have been speaking english as my only language all of my life but I am realizing my use of some words are so oppossed to each other that it does affect some of my perceptions.

I am hoping that this makes sense. I am feeling confused and bewildered at the stark difference between the two words that are so different from each other and need a dictionary more now than ever.

Has this every happened to you and how did you cope with the realization? Is this a rare occurance or a very common thing? I was physically attacked as a child so it is a very loaded word for me. I have felt verbally attacked as well in my life.

The feeling is being caught off guard and overexposed and defensefess and powerless so it is a triggering event for me. I can trace it back to my abusive parents and I have not yet been able to discover where I confused the two words.

Your thoughts? Thank you.
 
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Yes. This has happened to me. I noticed it in my communication first. I noticed how I was communicating wasn't accurately representing what I was perceiving, and the words I chose seemed judgmental to me. I decided to spend a little more time working to discover what I really meant. I tried to simplify my communication and strip down to simpler words. I did spend a lot of time looking up word definitions and trying to understand subtle differences between words. One thing I found fascinating was an online dictionary called etymology online. You can see the root meanings of words and how they've evolved. It was frustrating because in some ways I wanted to just download and replace the old way of doing it (and I also wasn't exactly sure what/where the 'problem' was), but it took and still does take time and compassion and patience with myself. We'll always be improving in this, I think.
 
Hi Rain,
Do you tend to describe these situations according to the subjective feelings you experience in response rather than an objective description of the action? Am I understanding that correctly. Are you saying that you use the terms harassment and verbal attack when what someone says brings up certain emotions for you? If you look at it objectively what would you call them? Or are you saying that something you thought was a verbal attack was harassment? Both those are describing someone taking actions that are intentionally harmful. I could see why some types of harassment would be thought of as a verbal attack.
 
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I noticed how I was communicating wasn't accurately representing what I was perceiving, and the words I chose seemed judgmental to me.

I agree NinjaWolf that I think the words I have been using in some instances have been judgemental and because of that I realize it is the only kind of communication I had heard in my formative years of being abused as a child. I think you taking a look at the roots of words is going to be very useful for me. If I can just have the dictionary with me all of the time for a while until I learn to communicate less judgementally.

Do you tend to describe these situations according to the subjective feelings you experience in response rather than an objective description of the action? Am I understanding that correctly

I feel it, Abstract in reaction, and then the word comes to the fore of what I think is going on at the time so perhaps my feelings are subjective. Great question because I never thought of this before.

Or are you saying that something you thought was a verbal attack was harassment? Both those are describing someone taking actions that are intentionally harmful. I could see why some types of harassment would be thought of as a verbal attack.

It does describe harrassment but appears to me as a form of verbal attack. What exactually is a verbal attack in the proper use? It is a matter of how I am percieving it and what kinds of memories I have attached to the words.

Thank you both for weighing in because I found what you both had to share was very useful to me.
 
I could be wrong Rain but I think a verbal attack would be if someone used words to try to cause distress or harm in some way. Harassment could involve a verbal attack as part of the harrassment as far as I understand it. I don't see a difference between them in terms of judgement (in the way Ninja mentioned).

I would say that if something didn't involve intent at harm and was described in terms that described intent then that would be big error in terms of language use. "I feel upset and therefore this is an attack" when there was no intent and someone is rather triggered would be something to be concerned about. You don't seem to be describing that but I may not be understanding all of this. Sometimes it can be helpful to describe peoples actions rather than using emotive (emotionally intense) words which I think is what Ninja was referring to,
 
I could be wrong Rain but I think a verbal attack would be if someone used words to try to cause distress or harm in some way. Harassment could involve a verbal attack as part of the harrassment

Wow!! That is exactly what happened. Thank you so much for explaining this to me. I realized later on that this persons projecting on me unresolved issues so it was more understandable but nevertheless still very vindictive and cruel. Thanks again so much Abstract. I think I will still have the dicitionary for me in future use of my words. What you said makes everything very clear. Much appreciation
 
so it was more understandable but nevertheless still very vindictive and cruel.
This is important to me in some situations. Sometimes the person has said something with no intent of being harmful. But it is.

Just as we aren’t always able to be particularly objective of ourselves, sometimes? The person may not have realised how blatantly harmful their words may have been, through issues of their own.

So I think, if you’re considering “did they intend harm?”, that’s incredibly noble and awesome. Giving them a pass because they didn’t mean harm? Is great.

But people still need to be reasonable. If a person says something obviously harmful, but completely lacks insight into how nasty they’re being? That doesn’t make it ok, you know?

If they’re saying offensive things, not realising how out of line they are because of their own muddy headspace, lack of intentional harm isn’t going to count for much on the receiving end, you know?
 
But people still need to be reasonable. If a person says something obviously harmful, but completely lacks insight into how nasty they’re being? That doesn’t make it ok, you know?

Thank you so much. I so appreciate you sharing this perspective. I kind of needed to hear this very much and I will be thinking about this today and think back on several situations I have had because I never once thought that would be ignorant of the effects on me.

It has been a rough year last year and I now have so much more to incorporate in my line of thinking.

Thank you again so much, @Sideways.:hug:
 
verbal attack but in truth it was harassment

I like the idea of using the explanation of what was happening rather than trying to tie a specific word to it. Yes, it's wordier and makes for a longer sentence, but it takes out the ambiguity of my definition of harassment vs someone else's.

Another thought -- -picture the event you are thinking of and then stand aside and put someone else in your place. What would you call it if you saw it happening to me for instance?
 
Hi Rain,
A couple of things to think about:
language and words can be powerful and either express or intensify our experiences. They can also help us break things down into components and see things from different perspectives.
Depending on our habits and past using a strong emotional word to describe something we experience can validate our emotions or it can intensify them rather than helping to calm us and help us to see things more clearly, Sometimes it is about timing. Usually that means language that is open and descriptive rather than being intense to start and then later more intense if we feel it is helpful. We are all individual and these things differ from person to person. Validation isn't always the most helpful to us.

It can be very helpful to describe things in terms of how we feel to start rather than others intent, if in doubt. If in a strong emotional state it can be hard to look at intent. I felt this (emotion) and that (emotion) and as if ----- and ----.

For some people who have had a long history of doing that and never just allowing themselves to react it can be good to do so, whilst respecting others and not attacking (and relative to what has happened).

But language choice can calm and break things down or do the opposite.
 
What would you call it if you saw it happening to me for instance?

A harrassing verbal attack Freida. Thank you for putting it in a way that I could visualize. I think If I can take a step back and visualize this for someone else first and I can catch myself in time, I think it would buy me enough time to reduce the intensity of what ever I may be feeling and then start fresher. I hope that this makes some sense.:confused::confused::confused:

But language choice can calm and break things down or do the opposite.

Abstract I never before saw things in this light and I find this so very helpful to me and very useful. I never saw this before and it makes so much sense now. I really do not want to escallate a situation no matter what kind it is. Thank you so very much.
 
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