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I Am Not Me Today - Confused and Angry

Discussion in 'General' started by Portabella, Mar 8, 2007.

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  1. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

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    I really want to break something, I am just in a horrible rut today. I have a belly full of anger and I am just hoping that this day ends soon, if I can sleep I may be better tomorrow. I hope so. I am just so frustrated, confused and down right deviously angry.

    I feel so bad for my family as I am totally unsuitable to be around them when I get like this. I used to go out for walks late at night in bad neighborhoods when i felt like this, just so that some moron would take a jab at me and allow me to emotionally and physically vomit all my hate in their direction. I will not allow myself to do this now. So.....I am going to bed. I will watch american idol and try to sleep it off. I feel down right volitile at the moment.

    Anyone ever get this way. Have pent up aggression and no one to relieve it on? I hope someone can make heads or tails of what I am speaking here.
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Someone told me once here to dig deeper. What is fueling it. The anger has something feeding into it. Look at the list of emotions in information. It was hard to do. Once I was able to look at it like that and do it my anger eases and now when I get angry I am more able to step back and think OK what am I really feeling that is making it anger? Did wonders. I used to get that way a lot.
     
  4. madjon

    madjon Active Member

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    anger in some ways is the symptom of something else, the anger is because there is something which hurts but we react to it with anger, find the thing deep down which causes the anger and you find the thing which you are having the anger reaction to, when you have found it then you can deal with the source of the anger and not just the effects, theres more than one crackpot junkie in my past whos regretted having a go but it doesnt solve the question of what causes the anger it only skims your knuckles and deals with the release of the symptoms expressed as anger, it doesnt deal with the problem it only masks it, make any sense?
     
  5. minceymeatpie

    minceymeatpie Member

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    I can relate. I used to do martial arts because I loved taking it all out on the mat and fighting someone. All the violence and anger and hate laid out. And they even gave you medals for it. I quit because I started to be afraid of how much I liked it. I haven't been back in years and years. But now and then I feel the overwhelming urge to hurt someone, something, anything. All that anger and no place to go with it.

    One of the things my therapist told me once was that if you take it out though sometimes that simply feeds more fuel into it. Kinda like violence begetting violence and it is never enough. But if you let yourself take the emotion, feel it and then let it pass, you find that eventually the emotion does go... it probably will come back at some point but you learn the here and now is not forever.

    Hope that makes sense...
     
  6. Lisa

    Lisa Well-Known Member

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    I totally relate. I used to do the EXACT same thing, walking in dangerous neighbourhoods at 2am, which I lived in anyway. I also used to do martial arts like mincemeatypie, as a form of outlet. But that is all it is, an outlet, and it's important to know what you are so angry about so that it doesn't get directed at the wrong people ie. yourself, or the people around you who haven't caused it. When you are venting it in whatever way you decide, identifying why can mean you are connected to it too, logically as well as emotionally. Anger can be circular, and difficult to truly resolve, if you don't know why you are angry.

    I have recently been very angry at a past professional who has only caused me more problems. I confronted him in an e-mail, to be fobbed off and told if I had a problem to complain to the NHS. So I skipped the NHS and complained to his medical board because t he procedure requires he formally addresses my issues, and now he has to explain himself to me. It is horrific for me to go through right now, but I know that in the end, it will be the best thing I have done for myself in years, and am hoping that it will resolve the anger, and put it in it's place, so that I can move on.

    It is worth thinking about ways to put your anger into place, as well as finding a healthy way to express it. Though I am somewhat a hypocrite for this, because most of the time I turn my anger inwards.

    Take care,

    Lisa.
     
  7. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

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    watching to view today they are talking about deppression, therapy and meds help but reaching out like in this forum is great. what your feeling is oh so normal. for people who are depressed going on med's is hard becouse there are so many differnt med''s out there sometimes you just have to try differnt ones. or give the meds time to adjust to you. i know how you feel i have felt like im not me off and on for 28 years. there are times when all is great and then i dont know whats going on is the whole world gone wild, im learning so much from this place. finding to source of the anger, dealing with that going with the emotion then letting it pass. finding a place that i can be alone with the cause and affect. togeather we can get better..:think: take care of you, you are a wonderful person. give yourself a break..
     
  8. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

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    I am still pissy, that is actually why I am taking my sleeping pill right after I write these few words, watching some dumb show and trying to fall asleep. I will probably be up at 3 a.m. and be on again, as it is ultra lonely at my house at the wee hours of the morning. I am going to hold on to the good feeling I had in finding that pooch is mom and dad. That was a feat and it made a difference in this world. At least to two old folks, me and one little dog. Whom I might add I was going to be stuck sleeping with tonight if we had not located his folks. If he was going to become aggressive and try and remove a piece of face, it would have been mine. Never my kids. Call me an animal hoe, I sleep with animals I rescue, nothing worse than being afraid and placed in a dark room alone with no one. I want them to know that there is someone there who cares. I am a real animal loving freak, to the extreme.
     
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