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Sufferer I am not my illnesses. childhood-present day trauma.

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by turkishfrankk7, Oct 6, 2017.

  1. turkishfrankk7

    turkishfrankk7 New Member

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    It was at the fresh age of 3 that the sexual abuse began, it wasn't until 5 that I was completely taken, up until just over 7. After exposing the events to my mother, it was then the verbal and physical abuse started from her and my stepfather. Until I moved out at the age of 18. It was a year after that I got into a toxic relationship for over a year and a half. It was a hostage type relationship. Multiple daily threats to end my life. Verbal, Emotional, Mental, Physical abuse. I couldn't speak full sentences until about 6 months after I left. (2013) Though my childhood was horrifying, that relationship was the worst of the trauma. After these events I found myself in a horrible trance of escaping and substance abuse. To the point where I overdosed and almost lost my life, twice. With having the drinking and drugging problem I found myself surrounded by bad people and have been beaten and raped. It was in late 2011 when that relationship began and in early 2013 I was diagnosed with my mental illnesses. PTSD, GAD, Panic Disorder, and Depression. Since, I have stayed out of long term relationships in hopes to grow and lessen the triggers and the daily symptoms. My tactics have helped tremendously to where I have only about 15-25 panic attacks a year. I am here in hopes to bring guidance and also receive guidance. Though this year has been profound for me, recently (the last 2 months) I have found it being rather difficult to juggle reality with my illnesses. Especially because for the first time in over 4 years I have lived with a man, and in a serious relationship. I need more support and understanding friends. My boyfriend is great but he has issues as well and is constantly thinking he did something wrong, that he has upset me, that I am upset in general or even sometimes that I am punishing him with my being. More so when i am hyper vigilant, dissociated. Help?

    I should mention, he was in a past abusive relationship directed towards him and that is why he believes I could possibly be punishing him because his ex girlfriend used to.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2017
    Paradox and AnD like this.
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  3. Tornadic Thoughts

    Tornadic Thoughts I'm a VIP

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    Welcome to the community. You've found a space to absorb support and release worries. I hope you find some helpful support, ideas, and experiences to assist you in seeking relief. You're definitely not alone.
     
  4. turkishfrankk7

    turkishfrankk7 New Member

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    i should reiterate, I no longer abuse any substances and haven't in 3 years, I still drink on occasion but its triggering the following days so I don't typically do it as often. I discovered myself and worth and ended that cycle.
     
    +littlebird likes this.
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Welcome to myptsd! :)
     
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