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I Can Never Get Better...

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maelstrom

Confident
I feel like I could never get over it...Never

I have tried so hard, for so many years. I've been seeing a therapist and she is very nice. We worked out plans. We talked about how to distract my thoughts and how to avoid the anxiety. She listened to me so patiently and gave me such convincing plans. We thought we figured it out. I thought I was finally in control. I thought I would finally be strong and be able to face it. When I watch the sun comes up in the morning I thought I was healed, or at least getting better. I thought there was hope. But I forgot about the night, the darkness, the despair, the doom.

Everything fails, over and over again. Imagination keeps running wild, and the images keep coming back. I try to tell myself what to think, but I don't think, I see and I feel. It is so powerful I can't resist it. I can't get over it. Nobody understands. My family starts to blame me for not being strong enough. I know I'm not strong enough. But I just can't do it....It is so scary and so dreadful and so painful. I can't face it. I can't be there again and go through all that again. I can't take medication because my family doesn't approve it and I feel uncomfortable taking it. I feel that there is no hope left for me in the whole world. I will never get well again.

How do you get over it? I have been trying so hard but I can't do it. It's ruining my life and it's making my family upset. I hate myself for being so weak, but I can't get over it....I'm sorry...This is my first post here. I should probably say something nicer. But I just feel so hopeless I don't know where to go or what to do. How do you get better? How, when it looks so impossible? I'm so tired...and in complete despair. I want to give up the fight, but I don't even know how to do that...

<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs by Amethist.>
 
maelstrom-welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your family is not supportive. My family is not either. It does hurt to feel so powerless and weak, and it hurts even more to have those around you not understand and expect you to pick yourself up, when it can feel so impossible to do so. I think the most important thing for me is to believe that it will get better because it has before and to hope that each time it will be that way longer.
 
Maelstrom,

It can get better and this is a great place to work on getting better. It is really, really hard for people who do not have PTSD to really understand why everything comes back to haunt us. That is the great part about this forum, as there is support here from people who really understand and can help you work on healing.

Unfortunately PTSD is not curable, but symptoms can be managed or even eradicated for substantial periods of time, and for some even permanently. Take care and continue to post as it really does help in the healing.

Debbie
 
Thank you so much...It's really great to find someone who could understand. When I talk to my family I really don't know how much I should say. If I tell them everything, they will worry too much and freak out and blame themselves, and I really don't want them to. But if I don't tell them how bad it actually is, they blame me for being weak and can't get over it. When I talk to them, they are like, "Common, don't be such a coward". But of course I would tell them I just can't stop being a "coward". I'm so frustrated that they don't understand how hard it is, and sometimes I get really mad. But then they'd be like, "So then what do you want us to say? You've got to get over this, or you will be forever miserable. We are just trying to help." Basically, their point is that if I don't need help, then I should just shut up and stop acting like I do. If I do need help, then I should just listen to them and get over it. There's no way but to get over it, and the only person who could do that is me. Yes, they are completely right, and I completely agree with them. But what they don't understand is how impossible it feels. "Get over it"...They don't understand...

But thank you, I should perhaps keep trying...even though I don't see any hope.
 
Your family doesn't sound very supportive. Those kinds of comments are extremely wounding, which is the last thing you need.
Can you explain to them that trauma actually changes the brain? Can you give them articles, show them some of Anthony's work here on the forum? Trying to explain that your entire limbic system and stress chemicals are completely out of whack and makes life unbearable is hard, I know. However, if they can't be supportive, then you simply can't rely on them for comfort. I've had to cut many 'friends,' out of my life because of this....family were the abusers, so of course they are gone, for a long time now.
But my point is, you can't continue to allow yourself to be treated like this any longer. It will only make it worse.

ps. I don't agree with them! PTSD is a chemical and physcial alternation of the brain caused by unbelievable trauma. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, work to distract myself, think happy thoughts, rewire my reactions, etc etc..........well, eventually around enough triggers, I crashed and almost died several times.

Things can get significantly better with support, therapy, medication and management of exposure to triggers....but not just by saying to yourself, 'get over it.'

Stop that immediately! What you have is no different that diabetes or cancer. Would you say that to someone with cancer!
I'm am actually personally offended that you buy into your family's unempathetic bull crap.
 
Oh yeah I've been trying for years now to better myself. And I've tried so many things. All with the optimism it would work. Then I get to hear things about the nature of forgiveness... as if that's my problem. It's not even about that. I've said it before and I'll say it again....people only project onto you what they know for themselves to be true. It's annoying as f*ck when they think they know what they are talking about and it's damaging to you.

I think we already feel bad enough that we can't heal ourselves. No need to make it feel like it's our fault.
 
I'm not sure about getting 100% better, as if nothing had ever happened, but I definitely believe that things can improve. With the work I've done on healing over the last two years, I'm better than I was, and I'm glad of that because I'm going to be here on this planet anyway, so the more times I can have the good feeling of the sun coming up, the more bearable that gets.

I've also spent years trying many different things, but it was only two years ago that I finally found the right thing and was in the right place to follow it. What works for each of us might be different but personally I believe there's hope for all of us, even after years of not getting anywhere.

I'm sorry your family are so unsupportive. My family know nothing about what I'm going through other than I'm depressed, withdrawn and coping poorly. They'd like to help but aren't able to. Their only ideas are to suggest looking on the bright side and that going on holiday would help... Yeah....

So I've had to find ways to support myself, and I find journalling really helps me do that. At first it was a way to understand and express my feelings inbetween therapy sessions, and that was a great relief, but it has actually helped me to build a relationship with myself that wasn't there before. I never imagined I'd say this, but I feel less alone because I've learnt how to be there for myself.

And I'm still healing. I don't expect to ever get to that 100%, but I do expect to heal more and that even though my life may never be wonderful , it can get better.
 
Maelstrom-I am not sure if others would agree with this, but if your family is so unsupportive I would not share things with them. Their invalidation is secondary wounding to your condition. I would come here and also find others who are supportive and compassionate, because you need that. We all need that very much. I hope you find comfort here. But, I would just not say anything to your family, it sounds like they are doing more harm than good with your condition. Then you won't be ridiculed and they can imagine what they want to believe. And we will be here to help you and therapist are great too:)
 
But if I don't tell them how bad it actually is, they blame me for being weak and can't get over it. When I talk to them, they are like, "Common, don't be such a coward". "So then what do you want us to say? You've got to get over this, or you will be forever miserable. We are just trying to help." Basically, their point is that if I don't need help, then I should just shut up and stop acting like I do. If I do need help, then I should just listen to them and get over it. .
This is horrible what they say to you. I would avoid them as much as possible. Look on the thread of how to appear less vulnerable and apply those tactics and coping mechanisms when you must deal with them.

TLight is correct in that if you show them proof it may help. But, some people just do not want to believe what is right in front of them! It's crazy! Oh! and I absolutely hate the, "Get over it" phrase. I have heard that so many times and it hurts so bad. When I was 18 and my bf passed away everyone told me to get over it, move on! And this was not even a couple weeks after! Because I tried to take their advice I went back to school and work and marred my transcript, ruined my confidence, and just buried it until it practically killed me! It has just been trauma after trauma and people don't understand that it compounds or it just shakes your reality so hard that it changes you. Please don't let them say these things to you and don't listen to them if they don't listen to you. A relationship is a 2 way street.
 
Hi lost4awhile: Thank you so much....I'm so sorry you had to go through such hard times...Hope you are doing better nowadays. I've taken the advice and now I don't tell my family much anymore. I know they love me though...but you know, some people don't change and they don't want to step out of ignorance when it comes to certain things--which is fine, and I'm glad I'm getting support from my therapist and doctor and kind strangers who share the same experience, such as you. Best wishes.
 
Maelstrom-Most definately!:) We are so here for you! I am glad to hear you are with a therapist and at least have some validation:) Yes, it's very obvious your family loves you, but like you said ignorance and also not being open-minded is an awful discredit to oneself. I am glad you are seeking safer avenues for the fragile part of you that needs to heal. It's a painful road to learn how to protect that part of ourselves. I am good now, fixing my transcript!:) And surrounded by supportive individuals. I hope one day you can have that too:) Best wishes to you also:)
 
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