adriftatsea
Learning
I'm just at a loss at what to do, where to turn, or how to help my sufferer.
He's been not functioning well for a while. We moved to get him to a better area, to get him to somewhere where he would be triggered less and hopefully have more help. Really wanted to move to a medical marijuana state (please don't judge), but at the time my sufferer wasn't able to move as far as we would have had to have moved. So instead we moved a few hours away where I was able to get a better job and have the ability to transfer us.
My sufferer had a bad nightmare on Sunday and has been triggered all week, in a hopeless, flight type response. He tells me he needs help and says he doesn't know what kind of help he needs, but knows he needs help. He's confided in me he's not sure if I'm the right person to get him the help he needs, because he's gotten nowhere with his help over the past 3 years.
He has trust issues with therapy because as a child, while he was being sexually abused, nobody ever seemed to catch on and the therapist never came out and asked if something bad or like that was going on at home, and him being only 6-7 didn't breathe a word of it. Fast forward to the past 10 years, again he hasn't found a therapist that could really help him with the 20+ years of trauma he's had. So I understand his frustration with continuing to press forward with therapy or try to find a new therapist in our area. He's also given up on pharmaceuticals as no antidepressant has worked, he's very sensitive to medications and has had some not so good reactions to other meds they've tried to put him on, and doesn't want to be on benzo's for any type of anxiety relief because of the last time, he got sick and had the hardest time getting weaned from them.
But I'm just at a loss at where else to turn or how else to help him. I'm in the process of contacting a lawyer to help him get disability so hopefully some of the 'financial burden' he feels he's putting on us by seeking treatment will be relieved. But at the same time he tells me he doesn't want to get disability because his pride is the only thing he has left and he feels like there's more deserving people out there. I try to explain, there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, and you don't have to keep it forever if you don't want it long-term, and he is deserving. The man has suffered 30+ years and has not known peace.
But, I feel like my hands are tied. He's kind of house bound and I don't know how to get him to do things when his anxiety/PTSD take hold. I feel all I can do is ask and encourage. I can't force a grown man to do anything he doesn't want to do. I encourage him to consider pharma for now until we can get him to a medical marijuana state (pot is the only thing that's brought him any type of relief, but with our recent move, that has been taken away because we know no one here) to where he can try different strains to help at night and during the day. But again my hands are kind of tied in getting us anywhere in the very immediate future as I just started this new job in June. I know he's stuck in the present and the past and can't imagine having to wait another 6 months to a year. I understand that as he hasn't worked and has been stuck in the house for 3 years now. I try to encourage him to go out during the day for even just a drive, but no such luck because there's always an excuse and he admits it.
I don't know how else to help. When he's like this I try not to cry or wear my heart on the sleeve, but he knows me and knows how it makes me feel to see him like this. He has a long-time friend and ex-gf who has been through similar things, but has somehow found a way to function and get through it and he, not really threatens, but says he should just go up there, as the last time they spoke she asked the question, "who is helping you?" He stopped talking to her after that as he took it as an attack on the few people trying to help him, but is now wondering what else she meant by that. If she knows a special way to help him get through this. I know she is much, much more better financially than I ever will be, but I don't know how she could help him any better than I suppose understanding what he went through. Sometimes I want to tell him to just go if there's a chance he can find some help and get some peace in his life, but he's my husband and I love him and that's hard, too.
But I don't know how else to help, how else to support him than what I'm already providing and encouraging. I'm starting to feel helpless and hopeless. But I keep telling myself, if we can just get him some access and he knows he needs something to help with therapy (this being pot) to keep him a little calmer/'medically stable' between sessions.
Sorry for the long post......
He's been not functioning well for a while. We moved to get him to a better area, to get him to somewhere where he would be triggered less and hopefully have more help. Really wanted to move to a medical marijuana state (please don't judge), but at the time my sufferer wasn't able to move as far as we would have had to have moved. So instead we moved a few hours away where I was able to get a better job and have the ability to transfer us.
My sufferer had a bad nightmare on Sunday and has been triggered all week, in a hopeless, flight type response. He tells me he needs help and says he doesn't know what kind of help he needs, but knows he needs help. He's confided in me he's not sure if I'm the right person to get him the help he needs, because he's gotten nowhere with his help over the past 3 years.
He has trust issues with therapy because as a child, while he was being sexually abused, nobody ever seemed to catch on and the therapist never came out and asked if something bad or like that was going on at home, and him being only 6-7 didn't breathe a word of it. Fast forward to the past 10 years, again he hasn't found a therapist that could really help him with the 20+ years of trauma he's had. So I understand his frustration with continuing to press forward with therapy or try to find a new therapist in our area. He's also given up on pharmaceuticals as no antidepressant has worked, he's very sensitive to medications and has had some not so good reactions to other meds they've tried to put him on, and doesn't want to be on benzo's for any type of anxiety relief because of the last time, he got sick and had the hardest time getting weaned from them.
But I'm just at a loss at where else to turn or how else to help him. I'm in the process of contacting a lawyer to help him get disability so hopefully some of the 'financial burden' he feels he's putting on us by seeking treatment will be relieved. But at the same time he tells me he doesn't want to get disability because his pride is the only thing he has left and he feels like there's more deserving people out there. I try to explain, there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, and you don't have to keep it forever if you don't want it long-term, and he is deserving. The man has suffered 30+ years and has not known peace.
But, I feel like my hands are tied. He's kind of house bound and I don't know how to get him to do things when his anxiety/PTSD take hold. I feel all I can do is ask and encourage. I can't force a grown man to do anything he doesn't want to do. I encourage him to consider pharma for now until we can get him to a medical marijuana state (pot is the only thing that's brought him any type of relief, but with our recent move, that has been taken away because we know no one here) to where he can try different strains to help at night and during the day. But again my hands are kind of tied in getting us anywhere in the very immediate future as I just started this new job in June. I know he's stuck in the present and the past and can't imagine having to wait another 6 months to a year. I understand that as he hasn't worked and has been stuck in the house for 3 years now. I try to encourage him to go out during the day for even just a drive, but no such luck because there's always an excuse and he admits it.
I don't know how else to help. When he's like this I try not to cry or wear my heart on the sleeve, but he knows me and knows how it makes me feel to see him like this. He has a long-time friend and ex-gf who has been through similar things, but has somehow found a way to function and get through it and he, not really threatens, but says he should just go up there, as the last time they spoke she asked the question, "who is helping you?" He stopped talking to her after that as he took it as an attack on the few people trying to help him, but is now wondering what else she meant by that. If she knows a special way to help him get through this. I know she is much, much more better financially than I ever will be, but I don't know how she could help him any better than I suppose understanding what he went through. Sometimes I want to tell him to just go if there's a chance he can find some help and get some peace in his life, but he's my husband and I love him and that's hard, too.
But I don't know how else to help, how else to support him than what I'm already providing and encouraging. I'm starting to feel helpless and hopeless. But I keep telling myself, if we can just get him some access and he knows he needs something to help with therapy (this being pot) to keep him a little calmer/'medically stable' between sessions.
Sorry for the long post......