saraemerald
MyPTSD Pro
I feel overwhelmed and emotions are strong causing me tension and anxiety and fear. I am scared. I am tired. I want to wrap myself up in a blanket and hide myself from life and this world and people unless they are loving. I am having an extremely strong existential fear for this world. My religion/cult I grew up in taught me about this wonderful paradise that God was going to turn the earth into after He gets rid of all that's bad in the world and all we have to do is trust in Him. I felt like i was in a nice protective bubble and everything would be Ok and as long as I continue to have faith in Him and "survive this awful world controlled by Satan", then i will make it into this wonderful paradise where the whole earth is peaceful and nature is bountiful.
Now that I have left the cult, this fantasy that I once thought was reality, is gone. And now I am left to be in fear of global warming, what us humans are doing to each other (war, crime, shady politics, abuse, etc). I am also left with the insane task of healing from childhood abuse, and growing up in an isolated cult after the fact that I have already from my teenage years on, did everything I could for many years, to heal from PTSD and the abuse I endured, so that I could function in this world and contribute to it and be happy. I have since sabotaged that happiness i created for myself, left a protective, isolating cult and hurt myself including my once good self esteem and now from here, I just want to sit and cry. And I don't know what else to do. I already spent years healing and practicing self care, establishing healthy relationships, ect and no I am shunned by the very community in which I thought was a good, healing environment. I'm just so confused. Now I have to heal myself all over again and I don't want to
Now that I have left the cult, this fantasy that I once thought was reality, is gone. And now I am left to be in fear of global warming, what us humans are doing to each other (war, crime, shady politics, abuse, etc). I am also left with the insane task of healing from childhood abuse, and growing up in an isolated cult after the fact that I have already from my teenage years on, did everything I could for many years, to heal from PTSD and the abuse I endured, so that I could function in this world and contribute to it and be happy. I have since sabotaged that happiness i created for myself, left a protective, isolating cult and hurt myself including my once good self esteem and now from here, I just want to sit and cry. And I don't know what else to do. I already spent years healing and practicing self care, establishing healthy relationships, ect and no I am shunned by the very community in which I thought was a good, healing environment. I'm just so confused. Now I have to heal myself all over again and I don't want to