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Relationship I Feel Like I'm Abandoning Him

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Glara

MyPTSD Pro
I know my suffer is very depressed right now over the holidays. He hasn't been texting me and I'm leaving him alone. The last time I heard for him was Monday and that's because I texted him that I was still here. He answered that he's here, he's ok he's just busy with work. I answered ok. No contact since. He posted 2 disturbing pics on Facebook, but took one down immediately. I know he's depressed. Is it better for me to leave him alone or send a text. If I should send a text is there anything I should or shouldn't say? I feel like not contacting him at all is abandoning him, or that he may feel that way.
 
Glara, You are doing enough to make sure you are there for him. Now it's upto him.

If you had abandoned him truly, you wouldn't send messages to him previous Monday. You are doing what you can and what you need to.

Has he ever told you that he needs more alone time or something like that before?
 
No, he's never said anything like that. He just told me he gets sad this time of year and his job depresses him. When he first started withdrawing he didn't tell me anything he just started barely calling or texting. I sent an email breaking it off and he freaked. A few days later he told me he had cycles of depression and later he told me about the ptsd. That's about it. Everything I know now I either read about it or learned on here. This is the longest that he hasn't initiated contact.
 
His depression sounds very strong. That's why he must be isolating himself.

Little clarification on when to leave him alone will help you to feel some relief. What do you think? Can you ask him for this clarification?
 
I feel you, I really really do. I'm a giver and I am learning fast about how our instincts to help/give/offer kick into overdrive when in a relationship with someone with PTSD. Like me, you sent a little note saying you were there. That is beautiful and enough. He is busy or isolating, I can't tell because he rolls and unrolls the red carpet faster than Beyoncé changes her hairweave. Stay strong, stay BUSY and take care of yourself. That is what I am doing - turning to my girlfriends, pampering myself and staying healthy (exercising, eating well, sleeping). I hope this helps. Message me if you want to talk. Hug to you.xo
 
Yes he just started texting me now. He's very depressed. Saying he's gonna snap. I'm worried. What do I say or do. He lives in another state
 
I hope I said the right things. I told him there's no pressure to talk but I'm here if he wants to anytime, I mean it anytime. I also said to please try to call or text if he thinks he's gonna snap, to contact me first. He said ok. When he first texted he just said hi. I asked how he was and he answered very depressed. I answered that I know, and he won't always feel this way and I'm always here. He answered he feels like he's going to reach a point where he's going to snap. Suicide reference? Then the the conversation went on like I explained above. I'm just not sure what I should say or do
 
Hi Glara. I feel like there is a tremendous trend in your posts wherein you take inordinate responsibility for this man's reactions, his feelings, and his general well being. It concerns me to see this trend. I wonder if you are ever burdened by seeing yourself as the supporter of your loved one in a way you wouldn't think to be with someone who is undiagnosed.

I hope you have a lot of self-care tactics and solid boundaries to combat that feeling if I am picking up on a real feeling here.
 
That is scary @Glara... but hon, YOU are gonna snap soon if this keeps up. I can't remember, is he in treatment?

I can't really give you any practical advice, because I wouldn't know what to do either. Just tossing out ideas here, but if you are worried, maybe you should call a suicide hotline or a family member of his that lives closer. Isn't he close with his sister?

Suicide is scary. You are absolutely in no way responsible for his actions. You cannot keep him from doing or not doing anything.
 
@Simply Simon in not exactly sure what you mean?

@Sweetpea76 he is in therapy. His sister lives in town near me, he lives in another state. She is supposed to be spending the holidays with him. She was supposed to visit for his birthday, but canceled, so I hope she goes for Christmas. He has another sister that lives by him but they aren't as close. I'm not sure what his sisters know about him. He told me that he doesn't tell anyone anything. When I'm with him in person he seems and acts perfectly healthy, so I honestly don't know if they know about his ptsd and his therapy.
 
@Glara Simply Simon is asking do you do self care? So many female posters have suggested you that. May be you are not able to see it here.

You are trying to take responsibilities of your boyfriend's actions. Are you able to see this pattern?
 
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