SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
I'm in an environment that is toxic for me right now, but I just need to wait a bit more(doesn't help that everything feels so much far from my control now). I'm trying, I am, but then there are days like this. It wasn't a bad week although I had one trigger. There were some nice steps forwards too.
So I don't know why I still feel so low. Except that I'm here still and I've been depressed and it's hard not to have the instinct to run from any situation that makes me feel so negative. But I am trying. I almost have a new job, I'm working on myself...I guess with everything going on I should have taken a day off, but I didn't. So today I woke up weak and feverish and anxious and depressed all at once, and I only managed to push through one task.
And now my brain is in panic for losing a day, and in panic because I have to put so much effort to get myself to do anything. I need to take care of myself, but some days I feel so guilty for needing anything, and so lost that I don't know if I know my needs anymore.
I wish I knew what to do or say, anything instead of this stupid numb feeling, like I'm just pushing through the days to get out of here and until I do I'm incapable of being healthy...I wish I was somewhere where I feel home.
So I don't know why I still feel so low. Except that I'm here still and I've been depressed and it's hard not to have the instinct to run from any situation that makes me feel so negative. But I am trying. I almost have a new job, I'm working on myself...I guess with everything going on I should have taken a day off, but I didn't. So today I woke up weak and feverish and anxious and depressed all at once, and I only managed to push through one task.
And now my brain is in panic for losing a day, and in panic because I have to put so much effort to get myself to do anything. I need to take care of myself, but some days I feel so guilty for needing anything, and so lost that I don't know if I know my needs anymore.
I wish I knew what to do or say, anything instead of this stupid numb feeling, like I'm just pushing through the days to get out of here and until I do I'm incapable of being healthy...I wish I was somewhere where I feel home.