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I Fell So Guilty Right Now - Avoided Counseling For Months

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by pookiespooka, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. pookiespooka

    pookiespooka Member

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    I'm feeling so guilty right now. I've avoided counseling for months because of expense and lack of insurance. We've had insurance now for over a month but I still put it off. I thought I could white knuckle it.
    Then the other day my dh and I had yet another fight about his new job. He keeps getting scheduled to work most of the weekends, the hours are crazy and I'm stuck in an old farm house in the country with no car. I feel chained to this house.
    I resent my husband for the job he chose even though as jobs go it could be worse. He snapped the other day and said "well, why don't we just split"? I was crushed. He said later he didn't mean it but it really hurt. Now I'm afraid he realy will want a divorce.
    He said he's been talking to a mutual friend at work about our problems and she thinks we need counseling. She'd know since she's been through her traumatic stuff.
    I've never been actually diagnosed with PTSD but I fit the profile. I've always taken pride in our marriage. We've always had a good relationship but ever since the car accident, my dh said it's like a cancer has been introduced into our home.
    I feel so guilty and defensive like I am the problem with our marriage. I feel like everyone that looks at me thinks I'm a bad wife. I'm afraid to go into counseling because I fear that the counselor will say I am a bad wife because I can't seem to get myself to clean house, or fix myself up much.
    I remember before we got married I made my husband promise that if we ever had trouble, we'd get help. I just never thought he'd have to be the one asking me to get help.
    I'm looking at a picture of us on our wedding day. We both look so proud, I don't want to lose my husband, he's my best friend as well as my mate. I feel so alone right now. :wall: :drugs:
     
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  3. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Ok.You recognize it........Now BE proactive. Continue to come here. reach out for help. Talk to someone, go to marriage counselling (if that is an option) The counsellor will help yoou put things inperspective. Be thankful that you have a husband, as long as he supports you. You made the promise to get help, follow through and yes I know that with PTSD it is hard to follow through on anything. just some advice. Take it or leave it. Talk to someone here. Pm someone when you feel too alone. I just read over this and I am not being cold, just forward. i also have amany of these issues as my own so these are things I tell myself. I am not trying to tell you what to do, just my input and i did not intend to offend you at all. i guess i am being a straight shooter with myself and I then forward it on to others when I can.
     
  4. pookiespooka

    pookiespooka Member

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    You weren't being cold Pandora. Just foward, nothing wrong with that. I'm in the process of trying to link up insurance information and couselors. It looks like we'll have to go to another town for counseling
    As soon as I go in to fill out paper work I can begin an assesment. Maybe tonight if the husband gets off work in enough time, or Friday at the latest since he's off then and we'd planned on being in that area then anyway.
     
  5. Monarch

    Monarch I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Pandora is right, you acknowledged it and now you have to do something about it. As long as you are working at fixing things you are moving forward, just try to do that and take it one step at a time. By the way, I went through meeting with about 4 therapists before I found one that I clicked with, you either feel it or you don't so don't beat yourself up if you don't like the 1st one you try, it like everything else is a process.

    I feel alone sometimes too and I have a husband and 2 kids, I think it is something internal that makes you feel lonely, not just your situation.
     
  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Hi Pookie,

    I'm going to ask an off question here.

    Why is your husband telling another woman about your marriage issues? That itself is a marriage issue.

    This points out to me, that it's not just you. Marriage counseling, yes! You both could use it. Some boundaries need to be looked at where your husband is concerned. Also the guilt, shame, anger, blaming etc.. over the changes in your marriage.

    However, for PTSD you will need a separate therapist. The marriage counselor can not double. It won't work.

    Good for you for taking this first big step! Keep it up!

    bec
     
  7. pookiespooka

    pookiespooka Member

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    I like the idea of knowing I can keep looking through counselors until I find the right one. I never realised that before. The woman who my husband talked to about or realtionship is a long time friend to both of us so it's not a fatal error. He has had boundry issues before. He kinda grew up in a family with boundry issues, but then haven't we all! We're going to the therapists office Friday to fill out paper work. My husband is going with me to the intial consultation and if the thereapist sees a need for marital counseling as well, perhaps they can recomend someone to help us.
     
  8. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Ohh good Pookie I'm glad to hear that.

    I'm glad it's a long time freind (my red flag went up!LOL)

    Yes shop around and don't settle for anything less than what you really need!

    Good for you!

    bec
     
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