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I hate being emotional

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EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
I hate being emotional.

It's so much easier to spew venom everywhere and hide behind anger because it keeps me safe.

It all just piles up though.

Family member threw me away. (It does feel slightly better that he threw others away, too. Slightly.)

Well, technically two family members threw me away. The second sided with the first (and also against the other family members thrown away.) f*cked up, I know.

Moving soon. Can't take my dog with me.

I broke things off with the guy. Things weren't good but it still hurts.

I start the day program today. Well IF I can sleep and stop feeling sick.

My head is killing me.

I want to puke.

(It's rare that I get this emotional and feel this sick.)

I'm sitting here crying. More like hysterical. Well, but can still type.

I just feel so overwhelmed.

:-(
 
I definatly feel for you! My go to emotion is anger as well. For the same reason, I think. Anxiety fueled normally so anxiety comes with that. So being angry/rageful I am familiar with. Anything else and I am like "what's the f*ck wrong with me?" And, if I allow myself to get too overwhelmed my body just shuts down. Done. Nothing I can do about it. Now that I know this I try my best to manage my stress but at times it just isn't possible. It just isn't.

DBT is my go to either way (if I can't think enough to think about it. I am at the wake of one of those times that I didnt think of it and I am like "come on, that was an easy one!") But DBT is the manual on emotional regulation. It works so well! So, diving into DBT (if you dont have the book and cant go to classes then just get some free worksheets off the internet). I try to go to ACCEPTS (self soothing) first and then distracting techniques but if I can I will start from page 1 and just work through it. If I can't then those 2 are the ones thats helped the most in an "emotional emergency situation".

Hope that helps! I know being overwhelmed isn't fun. Maybe find some stress management ideas as well. That should help the overwhelmed part of it.
 
So sorry that you are feeling all this. Just today I sat across the "screen" on skype with a therapist and felt stripped and "seen"....I can hide behind typing and not be as emotional, but when seen can't hold it all in.
DBT has also helped me in many ways....but there are still times that are overwhelming!
Hoping that the day program is helpful to you!
 
Well I've been having mini breakdowns throughout the day. My diet has been crap and I think that added to the stress.

Today was my last physical therapy appointment. :-( Sad because I really liked my PT. (He's hot!) Well, I did schedule a follow up in a month just to ensure my healing is on track. So at least I'll get to see him then! Lol.

I was a dumbass and messaged ex guy. Why idk as he doesn't have an empathetic molecule in his body. Stupid move, I know. He said some nasty things and called me scum. Yarr, I'm the scum when he's the one who only contacts me for sex? I'm not perfect but hey, only hitting someone up for sex but throwing in a few bs I love yous is just dangling that stupid carrot. Blah. I know he's not good for me but it still hurts!

I start my program tomorrow morning. For sure! Lol.

Tonight I'm going to just take it easy and go to bed early so I can be functional in the morning.

And I finally called my doc to refill my meds. I've been without them for a month or so now. Not good, I know. I just hate how they make me so tired.
 
How did it go, Eve?

I've finally left my anger in the dust. It's been replaced with overwhelming grief, loss, and longing. I cry and cry and then, just for the hell of it, I cry some more. I miss my anger... :'(
 
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