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I hate sex and t wants to talk about it :(

Discussion in 'Anonymous' started by Peni, Aug 12, 2017.

  1. Hafoki

    Hafoki Anonymous

    I was treated inappropriately by my step father growing up and have memory gaps. I don't know what happened. What I do know is I HATE sex. I go completely numb when touched by a man. Like physically numb. I just don't feel a thing. I'm married but we rarely have sex. I like to snuggle, but beyond that..nope. T wants to talk about it. I told her that my husband and I have intimacy issues and she wants to talk about it. How do I talk about this? I'm ashamed, scared, embarrassed.
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  3. Bihe

    Bihe Anonymous

    Can you tell her everything you've told us?
  4. Ajale

    Ajale Anonymous

    She knows everything except the going numb part. And i assume she knows im embarrassed.
  5. Huliw

    Huliw Anonymous

    Could you tell her how it's very difficult for you to talk about it and that you don't know where to start?
  6. Ujap

    Ujap Anonymous

    I dont know if i CAN talk about it at all. Without knowing what happened to me, it seems like it is so stupid. I so scared.
  7. Ujap

    Ujap Anonymous

    She also doesn't know i hate sex. She knows hubs and i have intamacy issues and she knows everything about my step father.
  8. Huliw

    Huliw Anonymous

    Could you write it down? Send it to her in an email or give her a note at the beginning of the session?
    Ronin likes this.
  9. Hilafu

    Hilafu Anonymous

    Yah that topic sucks. I guess just try and get it over with if you can.
  10. Ucodu

    Ucodu Anonymous

    If you can work on this with your T, at a safe place, it might lead to some real breakthroughs for both you and your partner. So there's reason to have a go.

    But working through an issue doesn't have to always involve saying it out loud, and it sometimes helps to talk about "how to talk about it". With my T, some topics just weren't stuff I could sit there and have a meaningful conversation about (good sign it's stuff that needs to be dealt with!). So I'd approach the issue with my T, she'd raise a few points for me to consider, and I'd go away and write about it. Mostly I would feel comfortable enough to let her read what I'd written at the next appointment.

    Oftentimes, I'd end my homework with "And I don't want to talk about this today." So we were always on the same page. And then the control of my therapy was with me. When I was ready to come back to it? I'd raise it, she'd talk, and I'd give her the heads up "I'll need to go away and write about that" when I'd reached my threshold. Rinse and repeat.

    I've found that writing about stuff works for me, doesn't work for everyone though. But maybe worth a try. Maybe float a question like, "Where do you think the conversation about sex would start?" and as soon as you reach your threshold, simply "I'd like to go away and think about that..."

    The point isn't necessarily to make you comfortable with sex. The point is to help you become comfortable knowing about your confort zone, how your trauma is impacting that, what thoughts and beliefs and body sensations are causing you the distress, and hopefully making it easier for you to communicate with your partner in a way that strengthens the relationship.

    No need to rush this:)
    zoie33 and illusionist like this.
  11. Ovuvu

    Ovuvu Anonymous

    I do the same thing with writing about stuff. I've also learned that some of those sessions when I turn in what I wrote are the best sessions because I don't have to talk he just reads what I wrote and responses back on different points. I then feel comfortable enough to respond a little bit without dissociating. I love those sessions the best. I think they're the most productive.
    Ronin likes this.
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