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I Have Cut My Narssisist Dad Off.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Shadowekat, Feb 7, 2017.

  1. Shadowekat

    Shadowekat New Member

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    I have recently told my brother i dont want my dad in my life anymore. if dad calls i will refuse to pick up. we havent spoken on over six months now. there is a long history of physical, emotional and psychological abuse that my father denies at least to my face. He values his pride above all else including his relationships with his family. I resented my mom for a long time for marrying him because he was so far removed from her own culture. My brother is torn because of my descision and he feels responsible for trying to repair our broken relationship between me and my dad. How do i get him past the hurt and get him to not feel so responsible? he is still stuck to his blind loyalty of family no matter what..to a fault. just because you share DNA doesnt excuse unrepenting abusive behavior. What do i do for my brother? he still lives in the same house as him. I decided the last straw was when my partner of 5 years was with me in Texas (hes from the netherlands and im an expat) visiting them both, dad and brother. the way he behaved towards us was disgraceful. at first i denied my partners feelings because i wanted to believe my dad was really changing, when really he was different only for a time do to grieving over my mothers death. We almost parted over what had happend.
     
    NoWhereKnowWhere and Friday like this.
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  3. NoWhereKnowWhere

    NoWhereKnowWhere There is a light and it never goes out.

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    It's very difficult but all you can really do for your brother is let him know you are there for him. If he needs to talk you'll listen and if he needs to leave you'll support him as best you can. It's ultimately up to your brother to come to the realisation on his own. You can support as much as you can but it's up to him unfortunately.

    More than likely he's been conditioned and gaslighted into submission as abusive narcissistic people are very good at controlling people like that. Best thing to do is to arm yourself with as much information as possible and if your brother comes to you and says he did this you can say that's called..,, then your brother can google it and I don't know but it helped with s friend of mine who was married to a abusing narcissist. It'll help for you too to be able to put a name to the abusive tactics and help start healing.

    I always say family is a privilege not a right. And if someone doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve that privilege gets revoked. It's very difficult to cut family members out of your life but they aren't just family members they are also abusers. I need to take care of myself it's number one priority and in order to do that I can let myself be subjected to abuse I absolutely refuse. Cutting my abusive brother out of my life was the hardest and the best thing I could have ever done for myself. It took me a long time I thought maybe he would change maybe it would be easier it wasn't and he didn't.

    You should be very proud of yourself for making a huge step in the right direction.
     
  4. Shadowekat

    Shadowekat New Member

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    Thanks i appreciate it. I have done alot of research already and am hoping to get face to face time with him soon if he goes to school in germany in the fall. Hopefully we will get further then
     
    NoWhereKnowWhere likes this.
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