1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Daily Dose

Get the last 24hrs of new topics delivered to your inbox.

Click Here to Subscribe

I just can't do it! i feel so guilty!!!!

Discussion in 'Avoidance' started by pandora, Oct 18, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    3,319
    301
    4,623
    OK...my boyfriends brothers funeral service starts today...I am supposed to go to the viewing at 2 and I can't get out of the bathroom...feel nauseated and I have slept three hours.

    I am in a huge panick and I just don't think I can go. Am I being selfish? I don't want to go and meet people and shake like I do when i get upset. The thought of seeing his whole family and then to be triggered in many different ways. I used to do palliative care nursing and have attended more than one funeral and I just feel sick right now. I hate that PTSD starts to take over when there is stress in my life. UUGGHHHH!!!!
     
  2. Register to participate in live chat, PTSD discussion and more.
  3. SeaFoam

    SeaFoam Member

    29
    2
    0
    If you can't go don't.. I wouldn't say it's selfish you have to take care of yourself first. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it yet?
     
  4. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    7,109
    10,846
    20,038
    Pandora, if you think that there is at all any possibiltiy for you to recover from any possible embarrassement or fear of it, bc of your condition, and if you're not physically unable to go due to a current Anxiety Attack or disabling naseau, when the time comes for you to go, then I'd really try going. But, it's up to you, and of course while considering whether or not your PTSD will allow it and you physically can.

    When it comes to PTSD I don't think it's an issue of selfishness or not.

    However, if we do push ourselves, when and if we can do so, we do generally feel better and we cause far fewer misunderstandings and ourselves less problems, and all this can and does add up.

    Pandora, IMHO, you're the only one that knows whether or not you can go, not whether or not you're fit.

    Personally, myself I'm sometimes often unfit with naseau and fear to do anything, but if there is any possibility whatsoever of doing something that I should and I physic. can do it, I do it, bc not to do so, I'm discovering again and again, is not a solution. A current anxiety attack that just won't go away is obviously a different thing.

    Hope
     
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    3,530
    108
    0
    This is not selfish. I do not do funerals. At all. I did not go to either of my grandfathers'. My mom who is usually the queen of guilt trips says it was just fine. I felt bad like I "had" to go. SHE made me feel better of all people. The people who died knew I loved them and knew I was not being mean or disrespectful. She told me to explain to my other side of the family or just one person and let them repeat it that I just cannot handle it. She insist this is certainly NOT a PTSD issue. I believe her. I mean think about it, viewings? Not a lot of people in my mind can stomach that. Memorial services, well, some people do great at group mournings others cannot handle a room full of people crying.

    I do not do funerals in any form or fashion, I went to one for a close friend (long story why) and wish I had not.

    If anything being forced to go is selfish. You can be emotionally supportive outside of a room with a dead body in it. I would assume he would have family members and the like there all supporting each other. Why is it so bad to be there before and after services? Why would you ever think this is selfish?

    Again this is not strictly a PTSD issue, many many people cannot do or should do funerals. Make a private time later after the burial for private mourning and flowers if you feel you must do something. I will never get these events.
     
    Stagetrapdoor likes this.
  6. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

    9,553
    8,766
    19,213
    I do agree Veiled... I think wakes, and funerals are just plain old Barbaric. I want no wake, no funeral, cremate me and flush my ashes down the nearest toilet........
     
  7. EmoxxKid

    EmoxxKid Active Member

    167
    10
    0
    If you can't do it...Don't.

    You have your reasons.
     
  8. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    3,319
    301
    4,623
    Thanx everyone....I did not go but I had a period on sunday night when i lost about 8 hours of time. Sometimes makes me feel like i am losing it.
     
  9. grace5555

    grace5555 Well-Known Member

    281
    39
    0
    I am losing large chunks of time as well - I understand the feeling of losing it. Hope you are doing better.
     
  10. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    3,319
    301
    4,623
    And........he broke up with me the night before last. He said he didn't think I was ready to be in a relationship.

    More trust issues......I should never have tried. I am broken.
     
  11. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    3,807
    884
    4,653
    Pandora, he may have said it's because it's due to you, but that is not what I see.

    This man is in a very bad emotional spot at the moment. Him breaking up with you is about him, not you. He's just using PTSD as his handy excuse for leaving. He's the one that is not emotionally capable right now.. not you.

    Yes, it's hurts and it bites. It will take a big chunk out of your self esteem for awhile.

    However, this does not mean you are broken and that your not capable of having a relationship. It means he isn't capable and that is his loss.

    bec
     
  12. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

    9,553
    8,766
    19,213
    Oh Pand,

    I am so sorry that this has happened hon.......Bec is right. This isn't about you, it's his lack of being able to handle his own crap, and your PTSD is very convenient right now to use as an excuse. Hell it's only been what maybe 2 months???? Did he expect miracles to happen???? Or did he think that him being in your life, would just cure your PTSD and you both could live happily ever after????

    Hang in there hon.....Keep your head up, and don't let him know that it bothers you one little bit......

    You deserve way better than this....

    Hugs,

    Wen
     
  13. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    3,530
    108
    0
    All I can do is echo Bec and Wendy. This was an easy excuse to use. He has his own issues I think and they are not you! Just remember that.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - can't feel guilty
  1. Hidden me
    Replies:
    14
    Views:
    530
  2. Abondoned
    Replies:
    4
    Views:
    437
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

User search cloud:

  1. cant go to funeral ptsd

Show Sidebar