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I Just Don't Get It. Public Places.

Discussion in 'General' started by becvan, Sep 8, 2007.

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  1. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Well last night I went with Ryan to the Mall. I even put on make-up (which for some reason seemed to amuse other people.. kinda made me self-conscious actually.) We went there and shopped in a few stores, sat in the food court and ate etc. At one point we were in this little store and it just packed with people. I pretty much needed to leave at that point.

    Anyways, while sitting in the food court and eating, I was watching people go by. I'm sure my head was swiveling as I tried to watch everyone at the same time. While sitting there I realized two things.

    A) I need to know where people are, in relation to where I am, at all times. The fact that I can't do that in public sends me over the edge. So I don't feel safe near people, still.

    B) I don't understand why people want to gather in a public place.

    So I know that A) is hypervigilance and is directly related to how safe I feel. Although I've come part of the way, I still have a long way to go on this.

    However B) has me stumped. I truly don't get it. Ryan felt that I have just been isolating for too long, hence my lack of understanding. Which, could very well, be it. But I'm not sure. I mean I just don't get it. Why do people want to go there? It's like a night out to many and the shopping (never got that either) draws a lot.

    So any insights?
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    LOL, Maybe I am missing something. Weren't you there to shop and got hungry too?? And most of the people at malls are doing the same thing. Those who find it as a night out are there for movies, or are teens. Not many places teens can go. The shopping. Many people have money to burn and enjoy it. The mall has shops you won't find elsewhere. Where else can you find a good book, the perfect pair of heels, great fitting jeans, and a corn dog and lemonade? I think I agree with Ryan. You have just been out of the loop awhile. You may eventually enjoy it, you are fresh at getting out now. I admit I am still trying to suck up and get through grocery shopping myself.
     
  4. zoe

    zoe Well-Known Member

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    I use to go mall browsing a lot. Although I didn't go at the busiest times I didn't buy just looked for the most part. I think I did it because it kept my mind busy and it gave me some contact with people, brief chat over something or other without having to really know them. Grocercy stores have always been harder for me, even when not crowded - not sure why. I have been away from malls for awhile because of walking issues but am going to try doing some mall walking before the crowds.
     
  5. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    No I was hungry before we got there.. but Ryan made me eat there! Never mind, he made me choose what to eat! Do you know how many damn food places there are? I think I just stood and did circles for about five minutes trying to figure it out. LOL

    We went there to help Ryan shop. I try not to shop. I am not a shopper. I get cranky when shopping. And I HATE window shopping.

    But yeah maybe it has been too long.. LOL doesn't help that I'm miserly and hate spending what little bit of money I have.

    bec
     
  6. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    the mall

    I go to the mall to sit and look at the other people. I wonder about their lives. I think that my life is shit, but then I see these people at the mall and I feel so much better about myself after a short time.
     
  7. susane99

    susane99 Member

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    I think my favorite part of the mall is the food court. If you walk back and forth in front of the Chinese food joints, you can pretty much fill up on samples.

    2quilt, I like the way you think!

    One other reason I like to go to the mall is to be around people without the discomfort of actually having to interact with them.

    Stores in general seem to be full of "space invaders" though. Why is it that when I am the only person in an entire department looking at something, one other person walks right up next to me to look at something an inch away from what I am looking at?
     
  8. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    If I never stepped foot into another mall again it would be too soon for me. Too many people and too much noise in one confined space. It gets to me quickly. I had to go to the mall last weekend to buy a book for my daughter's school. Once we had bought the book and got outside in the parking lot, I felt a lot better. I can do it, I just would rather not.

    Bec, I'm like you...I constantly look around to see what's going on around me. Stores, restaurants, etc. I don't mind the stores so much (it's usually much quieter and less crowded), but the common areas are just way, way too much for me. And I hate that people crowd in on me. Hello? Does the concept of personal space completely bypass these folks?

    For close to the last ten years, I've been finding small, uncrowded stores to shop in. I'd rather pay a bit more than deal with the crowds.

    Lisa
     
  9. Grama-Herc

    Grama-Herc I'm a VIP

    SHOPPING?! MALLS?! PUBLIC PLACES??!! AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I's rather eat worms and die( just a silly phrase, don't panic) I would not go to the mall even if they were giving shit away. I could only go to Walmart if it was open 24/7 and 3 am seemed to be a really good time. I agree with all of you. "IF" it is possible, I do like to go someplace where I can fade into the background--even sitting in my truck--and watch people. Just don't ask me to be around them. I really am scared of people and most places. Is this common with ptsd?
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Herc, it is very common. Things is that in time and as we heal we push those fears. Walmart has many stores open at 3 AM. So that would not be a bad place to start. You just keep inching out. Eventually the fear will let go. I am not scared like I used to be, but it does end up making me sick if I go too much or for too long.
     
  11. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    shopping at 3am

    Thank goodness there are places that we can go to, where we can shop, without the crowds, online and through the mail, where we don't have to endure the "maul" of sardine stuffing; like in December, when all the stores are just hell. Alternatives are out there.
     
  12. Awakening

    Awakening Well-Known Member

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    It could also be that you just hate shopping! I know I do, and always have and my Mum is exactly the same.

    Apparently we missed the 'woman love to shop' gene. To me, you go in get what you have to & get the hell out.

    I don't get why people 'hang out' at shopping centres/malls. But some people love it, it's a social thing. Like some love the outdoors others don't.

    Since my trauma there have been times when I've had to leave due to a panic attack. I still get anxious, and that derealization thing.

    What I do before going is;

    a) make a list of items
    b) if I don't know what I'm looking for exactly, I tell myself give it say 30 minutes, after that I leave even if I don't have it. Whatever feels manageable.
    c) I visualise a safe circle around me that no one can penetrate. I block out everyone & everything else.

    Good on you for getting out there and trying!
     
  13. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Yeah I do hate shopping. I was skipped when handing out that gene myself!

    I was thinking and I think (haha) that why I'm there has a lot to do with it. I'm not going shopping because I need something. I'm going shopping to push myself. My focus is not on what I need to get.

    The other day I went to Wal-Mart because I desperately needed some coffee and I needed to get yarn and hooks for Ryan's youngest (I'm teaching his two youngest to crochet! :) I was so focused on prices and what I needed and where the hell was it.. that it wasn't as bad as it normally is. The line up was hell but I made it through with some breathing calm. Plus I went there by myself. No Ryan to save me. Mind you it took me almost two weeks of knowing I needed to go there before I could force myself too. But I did it!

    So perhaps the key is how I'm approaching this.

    bec
     
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