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"i love you" in the therapy room?

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by DogLover33, Feb 14, 2018 at 7:46 PM.

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  1. DogLover33

    DogLover33 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Has anyone here ever said ILY to their therapist? How did they react?

    Has anyone's therapist ever said it you? How did you feel?

    I see on other sites that people do this and the idea of saying it to anyone, makes me cringe, so I think I'd be mortified to do it in therapy... curious to read experiences on this

    Also...I don't mean ILY in a romantic sense... but just the same way you might a friend, family, neighbor etc
     
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  3. Justmehere

    Justmehere Defying the odds Moderator Premium Member

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    I had a therapist do this once, she quit soon after realizing her not-erotic-but-still-strong-counter-transference was more than she could manage.

    It would weird me out. I would not do it myself.
     
  4. Emotional girl

    Emotional girl Active Member

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    I told my therapist a couple of weeks ago that I love him.The kind of love I feel for him is a mixture of all kinds of different types including romantic.
    For me it was something I had to say before my therapy finishes with him and if I wouldn't have said it I would have had massive regrets.
    I didn't feel rejected and for me it was a very natural and not at all cringeworthy and I had positive outcome from it.
    I hardly ever say those 3 words to anyone so for me to say it to anyone is a massive achievement .
    I wouldn't say this is for everyone but for me I had to say it to him and I have no regrets at all saying it because when it comes down to it I do love him.
    I do think you have to have a close relationship in order to say those words and I also think you have to be prepared for your therapist not to say the words back .
     
    DogLover33 and Rosie11 like this.
  5. DogLover33

    DogLover33 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I relate to never saying it to anyone, for me, it's only been my dogs. Love freaks me out big time. I know he would never say it back and after my recent other rejections from him, not really wanting another LOL

    It's just so hard to manage these feelings sometimes. Something happened recently that made me realize this is what I was feeling and It spooked me so much. Now I can almost feel it growing because I'm trying to hard to push it away, sigh....
     
    UnicornSightings likes this.
  6. UnicornSightings

    UnicornSightings Well-Known Member Donated

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    Meh. Might as well just say it then. He already knows you’re super attached and want more than a client/therapist relationship. I doubt he would be surprised by your admission and hopefully he can help you navigate those feelings and help you uncover why they’re there and why so strong.
     
  7. DogLover33

    DogLover33 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Why does there always have to be hidden meaning? Can't people just love someone for who they are and how they treat them? I don't love anyone but dogs. I don't like these feelings. I can't make things worse, we are good again now, I am not gonna go and say even more dumb things to risk things getting worse, if he knows, good, then no words have to be spoken, if no, oh well. IF they are fake feelings, they will fade anyway at some point
     
  8. UnicornSightings

    UnicornSightings Well-Known Member Donated

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    The meaning isn’t hidden though. You’ve flat out said you had feelings for him. And I don’t believe their fake, just that the thoughts behind them may be built on a rocky foundation. I’m familiar with that. We all are. And it just may help long term to address it.
     
  9. Julesy

    Julesy New Member

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    I have two therapists that love me unconditionally; they've told me this over and over again as I've been moving through deep trauma therapy. I refer to them both as my Love Team. We are dealing with lots of "Littles" or rather, younger parts of me who got frozen in time with the trauma that happened at certain ages in my development. These little parts need to hear how much they are loved and cherished and adored as hearing that on a consistent basis from parent figure is new to them. My T's know this and provide this for my "System of Me." One of my Littles made them Valentines yesterday and a lot of "I love you's" were exchanged. This happens pretty regularly and for me is extremely healing to both say and hear. Note: It has taken 9 years to build the trust and get to this point for me with same T. It didnt happen overnight, but am very glad it finally did.
     
    Searching4Self likes this.
  10. DogLover33

    DogLover33 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I appreciate your thoughts--US...Just not sure I can ever do it, the other times I spoke about feelings related to him and it didn't go well, really shook me.

    I do believe if its "just part of therapy" then yes it's fake. If it was real, there would not be rules and freak out reactions from T's etc. Everyone assumes love is romance and it's frustrating, why can't you just love someone for who they are to you?

    Anyway...I am more curious on other's situations with this and I've already decided it's never gonna be spoken, I can't say those words to anyone but my dogs. Not now, not ever
     
  11. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

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    You can. The difference in therapy is that those feelings aren't reciprocated in same way because it's not an equal relationship.

    You have one T, and you know him in the context of your therapy. He will show different parts of himself in different relationships and you love the "him" that you know. He has other clients, some of whom he'll "click" with more easily than others, some of whom he'll care about and some whom he may not like very much. He's part of your process, you'll think about him out of session because of the work you're doing together.

    And you are his work, at the end of the day he isn't thinking about you and your situation because the usual pressures of his daily life takes over. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, have love for you or have concern for you but the extent and quality of his feelings will be very different.

    If you're hoping for a particular response from him it's worth considering how you'll feel if you don't get that response but your feelings are valid regardless of whether your T feels the same.
     
    Searching4Self, Friday and DogLover33 like this.
  12. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    I would never cross that line. It’s a client/therapist relationship and IMO should go no further. If it does then I would absolutely quit and find another therapist. Have I had a therapist that I felt was closer than just a therapist? A bit yes, but more on friend basis. It’s been over 20 yrs since we parted ways, yet, if I need help, I can call him. It’s strictly on a professional basis though....
     
    blackemerald1 and DogLover33 like this.
  13. DogLover33

    DogLover33 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I get that. I am hoping for no response. I dont want to hear those words from anyone. They feel fake to me anyway. I laugh when my best friend says it. Dont believe her at all

    She Cat... I'm not speaking in a romantic sense
     
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