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I Made It Through The Night

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Yesterday afternoon, I had a lot of panic. I used skills and gave myself permission to stay in bed. But the panic got worse again. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital, which I really didn't want to do. I e-mailed my therapist and she was able to call me back. Between her and my husband we got me just calm enough to get ready for bed and go to sleep. I am really proud that I made it through the night.
 
How did the rest of your day go?
Through sheer will-power I pretty much had a full day of participation. Aside from needing a break after the ride home from church, I did not hide from the day (which was my goal). The grocery store barely had any people in it, so no triggers there. I made dinner for my kids and I (my husband had a separate main dish). I haven't made dinner in a long time. Then, I actually ate dinner with my family and got to read bedtime stories (my favorite part of parenthood- and not because it means the kids will soon be asleep). My husband and I even watched a documentary and discussed it afterwards. I stated journaling about the night before, felt panicky and stopped. I slept great until 4 which is pretty good for me. Now my allergies are going crazy!
 
Sounds like you've been running a marathon JEK! Getting through this stuff is so exhausting. Be gentle with yourself as much as you can. You're doing a good job, though it may not feel that way right now.
 
I want to add that last night I was able to eat dinner with my family again! When my older son started to act silly, I moved so I wasn't sitting across from him, calmly explained why, and told him I would try to sit across from him the next time we were at the table. His behaviors trigger the scared child(ren) inside of me a lot which is why I don't usually eat with them.

But that's not all. After dinner my boys started their usual run-around-the-house (inside) game. This also triggers me because it's loud and noisy, however, I don't mind them running to get energy out. I usually just leave and let them keep going. But last night, I decided to try to stay with my family. I told them we were going to do puzzles instead (we have a huge variety- floor puzzles and wooden kids' puzzles), so after some reluctance by my older son, we were all on the floor doing puzzles. The younger one did his own puzzles and helped us with the bigger floor puzzles by the end everyone was working together. The last one we did was "Fox in Socks" and my older one read us the quotes from the book. I can't believe he's old enough to be reading on his own, but I am loving it every time I hear it.

I helped my older one clean his room. Then, after both were ready for bed, I read to my youngest. He has one of his books memorized word for word and "read" it to me. The stages of learning to read are so fun to watch. I wish all days could be this good. Today my husband and kids go back to school and I have plenty to do. I hope that the evenings can keep going well like this and while they do I shall enjoy them. And when they don't, I shall try not to beat myself up about it too much. Anyway, thanks to those of you have been listening and celebrating with me this weekend.
 
I'm glad to hear how well it's going at dinner time, or as I used to call it-Arsenic Hour. Reading is a wise choice for prebedtime. I relate to the triggers that children activate. I think you're on the right track with your self care and awareness. Are you going to go to the beach?
 
Are you going to go to the beach?
This seems like a random question. At some point I am sure I will go to the beach. I have found a really nice spot by a "little river" near my house that's nice to hang out at. I love spending time at the ocean ad we live only a mile away from that (as the crow flies). I am sure we will spend some time at the beach this summer. When my oldest was 1 we went to the beach all the time. Now, with two, we've done it, but not as often.
 
I couldn't remember if the beach was a happy place for you. I guess I should have expanded the narrative! Sorry. But hopefully that will be a place you enjoy and don't get triggered.
 
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