• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

I Overreact Too Much And It Might Be Hurting My Relationship.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Lost76976

New Here
I'm 21 years old and I have C-PTSD. I live with my boyfriend who I've been dating for 6 months. I love him so much and want to marry him one day and he treats me great but I'm scared I'm hurting the relationship. I just can't tell when I'm overreacting or not.

We get along great but things happen that make me wonder sometimes. Like he has an ex girlfriend who he dated almost 2 years ago and lived with her. They fought all the time and she cheated on him. He eventually broke up with her. They were still friends but then they got into a fight and stopped talking right after we started dating.

A couple months ago I caught him masterbating to a picture of her. She was a "wanna be model". He was on some model website with her pictures. He said it didn't mean anything and that he hates her. He said it was just a stupid idea and that he hasn't done it since. I also know that he tried to get back with her before he got with me.

Now I keep getting the feeling that he's just with me to have somebody until he gets a chance to be with her when she's single. I can't shake the feeling that he still loves her even though everything else is great.

Then, there's a girl who my ex boyfriend cheated on me with. A very very slutty girl. I remember when it happened she deleted me on myspace and added him. Now I have a facebook and I added her. She has never met my current boyfriend and I dont hang out with her or anything. Then I noticed she deleted me from facebook and added my boyfriend. Which I found weird seeing as they don't know eachother.

Also since I caught my boyfriend doing that thing I've been occasionally looking through his phone. I saw texts to a girl he use to like and do stuff with and he called her "sweet" and the way she was talking about a guy she just broke up with I could tell she liked him. So I admitted to looking through his phone and asked him not to talk to her anymore and he was ok with it. He also said that me looking through his phone and not trusting him might eventually push him away. So I promised not to do it anymore.

Anyways, after the facebook thing I decided to go on his phone to go on his facebook to see if she sent him a message. To my surprise though I saw a message to his ex girlfriend. The one whos picture he was looking at. It was an innocent conversation and he asked how she was doing and that he had heard that his mom had given her a ride. Then he asked how things are with her man. Why should he care and if he hates her then why is he talking to her again?

So I woke him up and said why didn't you tell me your talking to your ex again? He said it's cause he knew I'd get mad. I said whatever and went outside to have a cigarette. He came out and said he doesn't still want to be with her. That book is closed and over with. That he just cares about her cause she was a big part of his life. But I told him how I didn't understand cause once someone does something bad to me I don't talk to that person anymore.

Then I talked to my friend and she said I was overreacting and I need to stop going into spy mode or I'm going to push him away. So I told him that my friend made me understand more about it and I wasn't upset anymore about them being friends. Of course I still am though cause none of this makes sense to me. All of it screams to me that he still loves her.

I also asked him if my overreacting upset him and he said just a little bit cause I usually wake him up for it. So I said I would try to think things through from now on instead of flipping out right away and looking through his stuff.

Does this sound like I'm overreacting? I'm also going untreated with my C-PTSD. Because the reason for me having it has to do with me being wrongfully locked up in an abusive mental hospital when I was younger and my mom died and I had to stay in a room for months without contact with anyone and socks taped on my hands. I was filled with a bunch of pills and gained a lot of weight.

I have had a normal life for about 3 years now. I was 200 pounds when I was 18 and after I stopped all the meds right when I turned 18. Im now 118 pounds. I don't want to be on meds and I hate therapists. But I keep going in this cycle of being ok then not being ok. I've told my boyfriend about it and he always there when I need to talk but he really doesn't get it like he thinks he does and doesn't seem to care enough to read about what I have. Probably because If I have a flashback or panic attack I go into another room so no one sees me. Most things I keep to myself so it hasn't really affected him except with me having a hard time trusting him which I'm trying to work on. Well really it's more like me pretending to trust him and trying not to go snooping around when I feel like Im just waiting for everything to come crashing down on me.

Am I overreacting and does anyone have any advice? I want to trust him so bad but it's so hard and when something happens like him talking to his ex my brain is telling me don't be stupid. Don't fall for any bs. I feel like I'm losing my mind and really don't want to ruin what could be the perfect relationship. I just don't know what to believe and I'm trying so hard not to think about it. I just don't want to catch an STD if he cheats on me and I hate being lied to so I really don't want him to be lieing to me.
 
I have noticed that guys who cheat do so w/ a slutty girl because they don't want to feel attached. Its just something they can get off w/ and have no strings. He probably really does like you and wants to be with you, but it seems like he has issues about commitment. I don't think ure over reacting in my opinion. I'd be worried too! I would take a moment, detach your emotions from the situation and look at it from a logical stand point. think about the pro's cons and go from there. There are websites u can put monitors on the computer so u can get email updates to see if the computer has had porn or even suspicous websites viewed on the computer ( ie. xxxchurch.com). i'm not a pro on masturbation to porn cuz i think its detrimental to the male and his partner,..unrealistic expectations etc.. Look at his character and actions. That is the best advice I can give you. Men will say whatever YOU want to hear. Look at how he treats you. Take a moment, be slow to speak and respond. Don't over react and relax. Always remember that if this guy doesn't work out, you will always find someone else. I'm 21 too and understand how u feel. If you ever feel like you will have a disagreement that will end in flames, then from my experience from what i've seen w/ other girl friends of mine who have lived w/ their bf's, have a call of action, like another place just in case to stay for a while until u move out. Even if a guy isn't physically cheating, if he's fanticising about other women that is a problem. The mind is a powerful thing & thats how affairs happen. Be careful.
 
Knowing that you have CPTSD Lost76976 I would say you still have a good internal compass about right or wrong in relation to how a couple respect each other with faithfulness. I do wonder if your desire to be loved causes you to be overly forgiving in terms of your views of what a relationship should be like?

In my opinion I think the issue is not whether you are over reacting but more so that you and your boyfriend have the same values and morals in terms of a relationship. Is your boyfriend capable of the type of relationship you want? Personally I find a good majority of what you have said about your boyfriend's actions as disrespectful towards you & the masturbating over his ex girlfriend as crossing a boundary I would consider a deal breaker.

You are young. If your instincts tell you that things aren't right then trust them to guide you. While stuck in a relationship which does not fulfil you then the right one for you may pass you by. Don't settle for second best and dont be scared to be single as it is only then that you can attract the right person for you. Not that I'm telling you to leave - that decision you can only make for yourself.
 
Thanks for your replies. He treats me great and we got along so well. We have the same views on many things and everyone has told me that he's a faithful guy and nice and would never cheat. But doing this stuff just confuses me. Just cause he dated her for 2 years doesn't mean he should still care about her after all she did to him. He was saying he hates her but that's obviously not true. I just don't know what to do. On top of all of this my symptoms have been bothering me more and I just don't know what to take care of first. I feel very overwhelmed. Which I don't get why cause this is nothing like what I've been through before. I just don't know what to do.
 
There is a huge contradiction in what your boyfriend says and does which would attribute to your confusion. I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words.

The first thing I would suggest you do is to work out what is overwhelming you. Once you elimate that your symptoms should subside thus providing you the opportunity to assess your situation from a better perspective.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top