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I Realize That I

I realize that I was mistakenly taught from a very young age to invest my time and energies into consuming things with others for sooo many different reasons...with at least 95% of it being majorly unhealthy things disguised as not being harmful at all, and most often referred to as being "necessary", "nutritional", "treats", or "rewards".

I never knew all of that was only serving to distance me even more from myself by unknowingly creating more dis-ease within than I would ever be able to keep up with in my later years, be it physically or emotionally, and eventually a big ol' stinking pile of both, especially when you include the trauma(s) of the childhood sexual abuse, physical beatings, emotional neglect, teen rape, the multiple instances of domestic violence and fearing for my life, being used and abused by multiple highly religious and highly respected pillars of the community, and enduring workplace bullying tactics and such. The icing on an already shitty tasting cake, so to speak.

So much of what we are taught, expected, and encouraged to do to both simply survive and/or to be considered socially acceptable remains based around ingesting various highly toxic substances that our bodies do not healthily recognize or process that end up creating some major long-term back-up and damage. Shaky foundations can't support their structures but for so long, and outward appearances can definitely deceive. We're constantly getting back out what we put into ourselves...most often in the most uncomfortable ways possible...but it's so often labeled as being many other things than what it really and truly is. How are we supposed to learn how to genuinely heal from so many misguided guesses, albeit "highly educated" guesses?

I also realize I need to figure out how to co-create the spaces I'd like to go hang out in rather than bitch about or continue to mourn the places I can't/won't patronize. An herbal infusion/fresh juice/raw plant-based food space surrounded by nature that offers bartering, music, dancing, creative outlets, alternative healing workshops, food prep and preservation instruction, community gardens in place of all the dairy cow operations, fruit trees in every neighborhood, free food stands to share the abundant growth with anyone who wants to partake, animal sanctuaries in place of other industrial livestock spaces, permaculture style food growth and soil restoration in every yard(en), etc., etc. A girl can dream, still...might as well dream large. Meanwhile....back at the proverbial ranch...rock on, little long-winded financially inept dreamer. lol
 
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