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I think i‘ve terminated therapy

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Sandstone

MyPTSD Pro
I’m so confused about what is happening in therapy. I thought I had gone to a specialist trauma therapist, but what I’m getting seems nothing like what I ‘ve read about. As a person she seems quite pleasant, warm and intelligent, but as a therapist she is bewildering.

She is very specific that she doesn’t do stabilisation “What do you want – breathing exercises? I don’t do that”, and apparently doesn’t work within the three phase model. I know the name of the type of therapy she does, but she can’t or won’t explain how I should do it, or how it works. We had talked a bit before about her apparent dissatisfaction with how I do therapy, and I bought a book on how to do psychotherapy. With its aid I seemed to be performing better, but I’m still lost.

I was alarmed when I asked for examples of how others had improved. She told me of a woman she had been seeing for many years( 7? 10?) who is “more open to possibilities” after that time. I want to change, in what I do and how I live, and there doesn’t seem to be anything applied.

When we first met, I said I needed someone clear and direct, and she said she could be that. I’ve concluded she really can’t. I never get any explanation of myself, or of how PTSD/ DDNOS impacts me, or what to do about it. Past T’s have been very big on things like “You see yourself as wrong, but it is part of the condition, not reality” She never says anything like that. The most I get from her are tiny slivers of comment dropped in passing “Do you think you are looking for attention?”. When one of those appears, about every three weeks, I focus on them as the only clues, and convince myself she is diagnosing me as bad, disordered and undeserving.

One huge conflict in our first few months was that she was adamant that I must be multiple, and would take every chance to persuade me I was, despite me explaining in every way I could that I’m not. Eventually she backed off and I thought I’d convinced her. This week, in discussing my frustrations, she revealed that in fact her supervisor had told her that DDNOS doesn’t have to be multiple. I’m devastated. She flatly refused to believe my lived experience, then denied that she was pushing me that way, and now reveals that she was after all, and it wasn’t hearing me that changed her mind.

And yet – I was sent to her by a specialist organisation, who have faith in her. So this must be me? I keep telling myself that the whole point is that I need something different, not what I was expecting. But I don’t want to go back.
 
I have to say that anyone that spent that much time making me doubt myself and trying to slap labels on me - especially one like Multiple I would RUN not walk away from. I don't care WHO sent you to them. If she's creating more doubt and anxiety it's time to GO.
IMHO, FIRE the shit out of this person, find someone else and never look back.
I have come to learn that 'specialist' is code for "Went to school and paid a lot of money for a fancy degree" NOT "has a goddamn clue about how to do the actual job"
 
But I don’t want to go back.

I am in agreement with @desiderata310!

Trust yourself. My T frustrates me, because she won’t give me a lot of feedback, but she will explain stuff to me as many times as I need it explained.

T’s can do a lot of damage or a lot of good and this one sounds like she’s doing damage. She doesn’t sound respectful or like she’s validating your perspective at all.
 
i Think you need to go with your instincts on this one. If it doesn't feel right then it might be time to move on. I was with a therapist of a high profile hospital where quality therapists were expected, my therapist was dreadful but I kept going back believing I must be doing something wrong. As it turns out the said therapist was nothing more than a hypnotherapist with a years counselling skills course on top, she was not accredited. I wish I had listened to my instincts rather than trust others, I wasted months on her. I have a year long complaint going with the organisation now.

The title therapist does not mean they know best!!!!
 
Wow, Desiderata310, your post made me want to jump right into the computer screen and pull you through to safety, away from that lady!!! You are with the wrong person. You are not so debilitated in your mental health challenge that you are not able to understand what is true about you and what is not. When your healthy side of your coping mechanism is so bombarded with doubt, it needs to be listened to. You cannot let yourself be convinced that someone else knows best for you, especially if you are supposed to in partnership with your T. It will be better for you to quit with this gal and seek out someone else. Is there a local PTSD support group in your area that you could call and get recommendations from? Are you close to a military base? They have psychologists who are available to work with PTSD clients. Their mental health clinic might be able to give you recommendations, too. I can't imagine the frustration you must be feeling. I wish I could share my doc with you. He is a gentle but insightful person and is firm when needed but he does not refer to his diagnostic perception of me. We simply work with the issue at hand...baby steps toward better health. I wish you the best and hope you find the best match ever in a therapist.

Whoops! I meant to address my post to Sandstone. Sorry about that!:sorry: Case in point...am currently in therapy...no guarantee that correspondences are always accurate or coherent!!:D
 
I don't know. Isn't the point that my judgement is not reliable?
She said that it was more likely to be that I'm just coming up to my worst time of the year, combined with our plan to increase to two sessions a week. She also said no-one else finds her unclear. I'm feeling that I can't cope with the loss of sleep every time one of those fragments of a hint worms its way into my head, but isn't it my job to manage the distress until the next session and then to clarify with her?

someone who will actually HEAR you
Being heard is one of my recurring issues. Perhaps I'm projecting something?

I can't work out if I want to walk away from therapy altogether. At the moment I'm inclined to believe that I'm just bad, and have been exaggerating my symptoms for attention, so I'm not deserving of therapy, and it isn't appropriate. I have no idea if either the NHS or the provider organisation would be willing to go on if I asked to switch to someone else, and I can't help thinking that if it was going to help then by now it would have. I'm just confused.
 
And I know, but she doesn't, that I've just had the bowel cancer scare, with all its associated body related stuff and invasive tests. I couldn't talk about it while it was happening, an now it is past it doesn't seem worth mentioning. Still, it could account me being less able to cope with her.
 
I can't work out if I want to walk away from therapy altogether. At the moment I'm inclined to believe that I'm just bad, and have been exaggerating my symptoms for attention, so I'm not deserving of therapy, and it isn't appropriate.

STOP!!!!!!!!
you are not bad
you are not exaggerating
you do deserve therapy
you and your T are just not communicating effectively.

It doesn't matter how good she thinks she is -- if you don't feel like she isn't helping then she isn't helping. period. Not everyone clicks with their therapist. Simple is that. So you try another one and see if you communicate better with that one. I think most of us have gone through more than one T trying to find the one who fits us.

And yes-- bowel cancer is worth mentioning :)
 
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