youarenotarobot
Learning
When I was 14 one of my closest friends told me she'd attempted suicide two weeks prior. I am now 17 and I have never been able to move on from this. It's like my brain is completely stuck. Whenever I hear about suicide or mental health, the memories and emotions all come back to me and I can't control them. Sometimes it feels like I'm about to have a breakdown, I just can't deal with it. I start shaking and I can't concentrate on anything else but my friend's suicide attempt.
It feels like I'm drowning in the emotions I've locked away for so long. I sometimes feel so angry and furious that this happened that I actually scare myself, and then other times I feel so guilty over feeling so angry that I end up suicidal. I've come very close to killing myself before because of my inability to cope with these memories. I feel like I'm still 14 and that no time has really passed since this happened. When people talk to me about university or getting a job or driving a car, a little part of me just thinks, 'But I'm only 14-why are you telling me this?' Everyone around me is growing up and getting on with their lives and I'm just so stuck because I can't move on and it's not getting better any time soon.
I'm not saying I have PTSD. I don't agree with self-diagnosis. I suppose I just want to know what's going on with me, and how I can get better. I know I should have got over this by now, everyone else would have got over it by now, but I can't and I just want to know why and how to move on. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you, and I'm sorry if I bothered you.
It feels like I'm drowning in the emotions I've locked away for so long. I sometimes feel so angry and furious that this happened that I actually scare myself, and then other times I feel so guilty over feeling so angry that I end up suicidal. I've come very close to killing myself before because of my inability to cope with these memories. I feel like I'm still 14 and that no time has really passed since this happened. When people talk to me about university or getting a job or driving a car, a little part of me just thinks, 'But I'm only 14-why are you telling me this?' Everyone around me is growing up and getting on with their lives and I'm just so stuck because I can't move on and it's not getting better any time soon.
I'm not saying I have PTSD. I don't agree with self-diagnosis. I suppose I just want to know what's going on with me, and how I can get better. I know I should have got over this by now, everyone else would have got over it by now, but I can't and I just want to know why and how to move on. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you, and I'm sorry if I bothered you.