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Childhood I Want This Out Of My Head

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sugnim

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I want this out of my head. Growing up, my mother used to brag about how she would make a "good murderer." She would talk about how easy it would be for her to murder someone, how easy it would be to go somewhere and shoot people. She used to tell me that when the news cameras come to interview people after her murders are discovered, the neighbors will all say that they don't understand since she was "so nice" and "so quiet." She told me that I should tell the news reporters that I understood how my mother could be a murderer. It was a speech she gave many times, and as a kid, I felt that I was actually having to remember her advice to prepare for when this would happen.

This has played on and f*cking on in my head since I was young. In fact, she still says shit like this, and I'm 37 now.

I was listening to a song by a band called Hem. The song is called Carry Me Home. It's really a beautiful song, well orchestrated, with gorgeous vocals. Anyway, its the songwriter's take on an old-time murder ballad, and when he was writing it, he became more interested in how a person could come to terms with doing something like that. The song is double-edged in that it is so beautiful, but so sinister. And it f*cks with my head. But I can't stop listening.

I want my mother's shit out of my head, but I don't know how to get it out. It's not the song that I need out of my head, but the memories and screwed up feelings that go with them which the song touches on.
 
I want this out of my head.

I can understand why you would want those thoughts out of your head and how upsetting that must feel when it gets like that.

Is there anything else besides the song that starts triggering those thoughts? One possible solution is to EMDR it.

I very much understand songs strongly connecting to memories, feelings, thoughts at things that were going on during those times I heard certain songs, those can be powerfully positive, but can also be extremely triggering.
 
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