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Ifs internal family systems parts work

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I read the IFS book recently and my T who doesn’t use this method but is familiar with it, was asking me tonight to identify some of the parts that are obvious to me. I can do that. But I don’t feel like i have a “self.” I’m always operating as one of the managers or else i am overtaken by the feelings of the exiles. It’s all very fuzzy and confusing. And we’ve identified that depersonalization is my go-to dissociation method and I do that almost all the time. So i feel like i watch the parts all play their roles but i never feel like i have a self who is truly operating. It feels abstract but also puts a name to the constant fighting going on in my head.
 
I never could have conversations with my parts, I could only communicate with them through writing. It bothered me in a way because it was limiting but at the same time, I now have some amazing journals. I had one protector part that was so beautiful and the writing was so poignant, I wondered who was really writing here...then I was reminded that it was me, that was an expression of myself.
 
This stuff is SO HARD! Managing parts is a 24/7 job it seems. Im able to un-blend most of the time, but I get frustrated because I want to be further along to the point where blending doesn’t happen. I’m Also dealing with medication issues which doesn’t help in the least.
 
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Can I invent parts?!? Haha just kidding. I am confused as to whether or not a tempering part would be separate from the self? I’m thinking it is. If anything I think it would help the self by being a voice of reason to the other parts? Still confused about the structure/map but I guess that will come in time. All I know is that I have a “part” that I summon when trying to calm myself and approach things in a rational manner.

I’ve been working through my parts stuff, more on some days than others. The exercises can be SO overwhelming that I can only do one or two a day at most.

The next thing I’m working on is calling a part that is inactivated. Scary! Lol.
 
exiles are child parts that need to be protected by the protectors

Exiles can be any age - its just more common that they are children I think. They are the parts that are discarded by the rest of the group as damaged goods. We haven't done a lot with my protectors yet -- right now they are protecting me from her, not the other way around. But I think the whole parts thing is very fluid so they can fill the role in whatever way they need to.
 
@Bearlinda

I am using the “Self-Therapy” series by Jay Earley. There are three books in the series so far and his wife wrote a workbook to accompany the series (but there are also exercises in the books themselves). I have the kindle versions from Amazon as they were cheaper (and I was impatient lol).

The author stressed that this is a therapy you can do on your own, hence the title——and you don’t have to take the time building a relationship with a therapist or depending on a therapist to heal. It’s 100% self motivated. Of course a therapist can help if you so desire.

Exiles can be any age - its just more common that they are children I think. They are the parts that ar...

I agree, it’s very fluid....I like that I have been able to form my own model that doesn’t look exactly like what I see in my books.
 
I told my T about the IFS and she didn’t know about it, although she was familiar with some of the concepts like Blending and asking a part to leave. She uses the Transactional Analysis model which talks about ego states, or Masks, of which there are six: Parent (Critical or Nurturing), Adult Self, and Child (Little Professor, Natural, or Adaptive). She also talks about Scripts.

So I pretty much dropped it because there was no point in idealizing a model that my T doesn’t use—that would just make me frustrated.

However, I’m still working with parts, identifying which part wants to hurt me and allowing my child part to come out in session—she’s just a tight ball of fear who can answer some questions.

I accepted my child part back, which is a relief. My nurturing parent? I’m not really aware of her, at all, just the critical one—very aware of her.

Anyway, not trying to hijack your thread and glad to hear you are making some progress and talking with all your parts—sounds empowering! Your determination to recover is inspiring. Did you find a new T or are you still working just by yourself?
 
I told my T about the IFS and she didn’t know about it, although she was familiar with some of...

I’m still working just by myself. I worked things out with my current therapist so decided to stick with her for the time being. If I can do this on my own then I figure I might as well as I can work at my own pace and don’t have to worry about forming a new relationship with a therapist.
 
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