desiderata310
MyPTSD Pro
Seems that today is not going much better than yesterday.
Yesterday I found out that my SDiT probably is going to wash out.
I took this news in typical fashion: I shut down.
I sent a message of that news to my therapist and my best friend.
My friend responded with words of encouragement. To which I decided to pick a fight and nuke the friendship. Because, you know, that seemed more appropriate at the time.
I did write him back and apologized and then said that I was not fit for polite company.
I'm not.
I'm ready to quit everything.
I'm sick of having my heart ripped out.
I'm tired of trying to "trust the process" as my therapist puts it.
*shrug* I don't guess that reaction is necessarily PTSD. It's just me being a raging ass hole.
Fact is though that I DID start to get a tiny bit excited and hopeful and the whole thing just went to shit as it usually does.
I don't want to hope for things to get better anymore because they just won't
Yesterday I found out that my SDiT probably is going to wash out.
I took this news in typical fashion: I shut down.
I sent a message of that news to my therapist and my best friend.
My friend responded with words of encouragement. To which I decided to pick a fight and nuke the friendship. Because, you know, that seemed more appropriate at the time.
I did write him back and apologized and then said that I was not fit for polite company.
I'm not.
I'm ready to quit everything.
I'm sick of having my heart ripped out.
I'm tired of trying to "trust the process" as my therapist puts it.
*shrug* I don't guess that reaction is necessarily PTSD. It's just me being a raging ass hole.
Fact is though that I DID start to get a tiny bit excited and hopeful and the whole thing just went to shit as it usually does.
I don't want to hope for things to get better anymore because they just won't