MrsBeasley86
Confident
I have done things in my past that I deeply regret. Things that I've never told anyone. One night stands, sleeping with a friend's ex boyfriend, make out sessions with complete strangers. Things that make me feel horrible. I hate that I did these things. Because it's not me. In my right state of mind, I would never sleep with someone that I just met. This was in my early 20s. When I drank way too much. When I was struggling with my self esteem, my self worth, and my traumas. Maybe I needed that attention to feel like I meant something? But it didn't help. I've heard that being sexually abused as a child can cause this stuff. In my mind, I feel that if a guy wants something from me, he's going to get it. That's what happened in my past. Saying no didn't stop him. Fighting him off didn't help. So I guess I felt just giving them what they wanted was easier. Less traumatic than fighting it. I know this is a messed up way of thinking it. Because I know it's not right. It doesn't justify the things I've done.