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Im Losing My Mind

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I think therapy has opened a can of worms for me amd i think im loosing my mind. Sleep is rare and the war has been over a long time and i was Navy but shoot. That stuff sometimes needs to be left alone. My Uncle a Marine Full Bird thinks im a pussy for going but i have to for Veterans Court and I am finding out how militerized i really was and am.. Have a Navy Day! Airman Murphy Westpac 90 91 Uss Carl Vinson CVN 70 Carrier Attack Group Charli Sevice 2 weeks solid Indian Ocean. Btw my Uncle is my Hero . 1000 confirmed kills as a A6 Pilot.. Last of the Patton Ass Kickers we have a good time. Hes 90 and 7 take care of him on the weekends and he loves giving me shit. I mean he brushes his teeth with brilo pads hes a true bad ass. He wrote a book
 
I hear you there. I have been feeling like that lately. I had my first cognitive processing therapy (CPT) appointment a week ago tomorrow and my second one tomorrow. My homework for this last week was to focus on what my thoughts and feelings are. I had to do that when I was in therapy a while ago and stopped doing it because they were so many and challenging them didn't get better so I ended up just doing my best to ignore them. Now that they want me to focus on them again I'm realizing how many they are and how persistent they are and exhausting it is. I just want to go back to doing my best to ignore them and try to keep myself distracted from them.
 
I know what you mean about still militarized. I didn't work for a while after discharge. Every menial job I have when the manager tells me to do something I still yell " yes, sir !" And try not to salute before I run off to do the task. They can't comprehend sometimes. I treat management like leadership. Boy am I stupid !
 
@Joshua Cox you aren't stupid at all. I still call people sir and ma'am. I have gotten so many people that say you can just call me and say their first name and I always say I'm sorry it's a habit from the military.
 
I was born the same day the USAF was born. My Dad was flying ferret missions over the Soviet Union in a B-29 counting radar sites in case we had to go in.

He had "battle fatigue" from WWII. I learned early on everyone is a :"sir" or "ma'am" until directed otherwise. Later, he wanted to be more informal, say, if we were on the golf course. "Don't worry about calling a general by his first name if he asks for you to do it. Just don't do it in front of other people. " Roger that. But I just did not call him anything and it was "sir" when I said good bye.

Lot of good stories about higher ranking officers that were really the best in the business. But I still want to brace up when one of them approaches me. I stifle a salute. But if it's a guy I hated or had a bad rep, f*** him, even when I was active duty. PJ's were known for that.
 
I was better before I started the CPT. I put that shit in a box for a reason, now that I opened that box I can't put it back in there and more shit keeps coming out. I feel like I'm losing my mind, it's just to much to process. Thought about checking myself in to the psych ward for a few days to catch up. If it gets any worse I may have to.
 
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