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Relationship I'm Lost Because Of This Man.

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Jessica2744

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Hello! I'm Jessica. (Please understand that I'm not an English native speaker)

I'm having a hard time lately. After I read many stories from this site, I realized everything started from his PTSD.

Of course he opened his PTSD from the beginning. We started dating recently and we felt something different from the fist date. He called it magical thing, chemistry etc.
He seemed genuine and couldn't hide his feeling about me.
He said he felt like teenager and bit embarrassed because his feeling grew so quickly.

Last Friday, he's hot shoulder operation. When we were at hospital, he mentioned our serious relationship and made whole week's plan with me.

Then?? Suddenly he vanished from few days ago.

Actually, he stopped taking medication 4 weeks ago after that he felt bit down. Now he's taking medication again. Probably he can't think properly because of his medication.

I texted him, called him but couldn't reached him.I was bit angry and I texted him that if he wanna finish then just tell me. Well...no answer still now.

I found this site and it helped me a lot. I can't just give him up!
I know there's nothing I can do. Now I'm trying to give him his space and just waiting...but until when??

Also, I'm little bit doubt.
Was it his genuine mind? or his PTSD made him so urged. He kept saying he likes me..a lot!

What should I do? If he wants to finish why he didn't say anything?

I'm lost. Please give me advice.


Thank you!
 
Isolating is a coping method that some sufferers use when their stressors overwhelm them. It's not that they don't want to talk to YOU, it's that they can't handle ANYTHING right now. If he just had surgery, or if he is in pain, or if his medications are out of whack, he could very well be overwhelmed with stress.

All you can really do is give him some space. If you try to constantly contact a isolating sufferer you may stress him out more. It's hard when your sufferer has their first isolation period during your relationship. A lot of supporters take it personally and think it is something they did. A lot of times, isolation is not about you at all. Only you can decide how long you will wait around with no contact, or how often you can handle isolating. It's a boundary supporters have to set.
 
Thank you for your advice.

What if he won't contact me ever because of his guilty?

I don't wanna bother him but I want him to know that he can get his time as much as he needs and I'll wait for him. If I have to be lonely, I wanna be lonely next to him.
 
You are welcome to write him and let him know just that - that it seems he doesn't want to talk right now, but you're available if/when he needs a friend.

If you still don't hear from him after a week or two or a month, you can write again whenever you feel it's appropriate. Giving him space and time doesn't mean you cannot contact him, just try not to go overboard. You can let him know every now and then that you're still around. Eventually, you'll come to a point where he either contacts you again or you decide you've waited long enough and it's time to move on.

Good luck!
 
Thank you!

Even though he stopped to text me, he always checked my fb message.
However, one night I was really angry with him and sent a long and bit mean message. After that he didn't even check my messages.

Yes. I sent a message again that I'll wait for him. He didn't check yet.

I'm going to wait few more days and like your advice, I'll send my mind again without pushing.
 
You are welcome to write him and let him know just that - that it seems he doesn't want to talk right now,...

Thanks!!
I have a question. Before his operation he was little bit under the mood as well. He texted me barely once a day.
I went to hospital even though he didn't care about me that much.
His feeling was changed as
soon as he saw me that's why we had a great time.
(It was last Friday and he was sweet two more days)
We haven't known each other a long time. I'm afraid if he isn't ready for a new relationship.

Next week, I might go to his class and try to talk to him. Because if I met him I can feel his mind and his feeling will be changed.
Is that a bad idea????

Still can't believe it.
How he suddenly disappeared and never contacted me.
 
I would message him once, and tell him that I will be there if he needs me... then be done with it. I...
Thank you!

I'm sure even if I text him he won't check or reply.

I have no idea what should I do. Just totally lost. Can't sleep and eat..
 
If he won't reply to one text, he won't reply to 50 texts either.

Sometimes you just have to step back and relax. If he comes around, he will come around. If not, he won't. Nothing you can do will make him come back if he doesn't want to right now.

Isolation is sucky and difficult for supporters to understand. We just have to accept that our partners need it sometimes, and the most loving thing we can do is give them their space.
 
The meds might take a little bit before they're working fully and isolation can take time anyway. The fact that he's reading your messages now seems like a step in the right direction. Perhaps soon he'll feel up to writing you back. Keep giving him space, he'll be okay.
 
The meds might take a little bit before they're working fully and isolation can take time anyway. The fact...

Thank you!
I'm trying to respect his space, bit hard though.

He's been taking medication more than one year and meeting doctor regularly. However, he stopped taking it for 4weeks and started to take it again approximately in 2weeks.

I know he never take drugs, quit smoking and not drink too much.

I'm wondering when his medication is working enough???
 
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