Hello, Found this forum and I’m in awe. Diagnosed with PTSD in 1995. The diagnosis follows the trauma(s) by far. Managed to live/exist sedated for yrs w/ alcohol, ciggarettes, sedation and distractions, ect. I guess I’m glad I did. Now have a good husband and two beautiful children. I’m not saying that we and our life is simply wonderful. I’m not even normal. Though, I suppose I prefer my abnormal self to the normal selves of many others. Whatever it is, it’s a far cry from yester-years, ie the living nightmare of seemingly endless hell. The actual traumatic experiences began early in life and continued and continued. I’ve been erratically and periodically re-living them for some time now. I know little about the criteria for PTSD and or recovery from it. I know what I’ve endured. I’ve been in and out of much denial. I've taken little medication, but powerful nonetheless, as a PRN on and off. These days, I quite often resent doing my best to cope with my alcoholism, while keeping home and trying to raise two young children. I’m married, and live in the Eastern part of the US. Though it’s been almost ten years since my last alcoholic drink I seldom feel like a success. I smoke cigarettes like a fiend, even with lung cancer rampant throughout original family. What I've done and do, for the most part, is suffer greatly and deeply in silence with my PTSD. People either have not cared or couldn't handle it. I did receive some great therapy in my past. It helped, nothing more. My PTSD is the result of unremitting years of helpless and hopeless childhood threats against my/our lives ~terror, abuse, neglect, corruption, domestic violence, attempted murder, psychological torture, eating disorders, rape, assaults and perhaps even my own alcoholism/ isolation. I can’t even believe I’ve written this. I’ve never ever acknowledged all this before together and it gives me a little compassion for myself. Something highly unusual. Again I’m in awe. I’ve said far to much and I’m nervous. Thank you Anthony for welcoming me to this site. I’m feeling hopeful. I figured I’d live out the rest of my life isolated and alone with this suffering. Feeling ashamed that this introduction is about me and contains so much. I’m in a great deal of confusion and quite frankly probably will get very little sleep tonight. I’m brand new to this and thanks to all of you so much for your willingness to post. I’m not alone. Thank you. And, Hello !!!