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Nice, not an alcoholic, and alive (well, maybe). :coffee:@Lotis i will respond today. It's a tough question. My therapist asked me in sess...
@DissociativeBelle Hey that's a start!!Nice, not an alcoholic, and alive (well, maybe).
Nice, not an alcoholic, and alive (well, maybe). :coffee:
I am so touched by this - it brought immediate tears, I'm now sobbing like a child. I'm a man now (43) but this spoke to me.. my mother is a sociopath - I just wanted to be loved, cared for. While homeless at 15 I caught her at her home (shortly before moving away without telling me or leaving any contact info - not that I had any means of reaching her unless I used someone's phone somewhere - only pay phones and land lines back then) and finally got the courage to ask her a question I wanted to ask her as far back as I could remember (what did I have to lose aside from my self respect?) and asked her - we were in a quiet room, her bedroom, with no distractions, no noise other than the sound of my pathetic voice trying to see an emotion or reaction - any sign of caring for me in my dirty clothes and rumbling stomach - she ignored everything else I had to say until I asked her "don't you care that I am homeless? It hurt me when the police found me sleeping in the park and brought me home to you and you told him "I don't want him"... Mom.. the way you act towards me.. for as long as I can remember - it seems like.. I mean, it is like you don't even love me.." she seemed like she may still continue to ignore me, but she stopped fiddling with her ppwk, and began walking back towards me as I was sitting on the bed - then I followed with "..do you?" she calmly sat down beside me, finally looked at me in the eye, she was now only a foot away from my face, and said while shaking her head, without expression "No." Again now we both say in silence. My keen instincts confirmed - and I just got up and walked back out the door where the street was there faithfully and without fail was there for me, welcomed me in a cold embrace that made me feel better than she did.. God bless your tender loving heart for your incredible strength in posting this - these were my dreams/hopes/wishes also for a mother or the father that was missing and the abusive step father she married and encouraged as he abused me on daily basis. Thank you again for posting and I'm sorry if I sound scattered or creepy or sound self absorbed by my replying. I just yesterday found courage to share my feelings after discovering this site, and finally opening up about my life experiences, and actually sharing with the world. But this post realllllly moved me. Thank you, friend in pain. I pray you feel the warmth you have been searching for..!!My ideal mom as a child - she took the form of an angel. In my dreams she was always smiling and warm. I...
You're welcome!Thank you :)