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Importance Of Environment For A Child

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greentea21

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I remember being sexually abused by an uncle when I was about 2-3 years old. While I don't know how much of the event has managed to damage the me of today, I also remember many episodes of my childhood that saddened, scared, and confused me. I grew up with both my parents constantly fighting (no physical violence, but plenty of anger). No violence was ever directed towards me, except for the occasional discipline spanking or punishment. My dad worked very hard, and came home ready to drink his whiskey, leaving no time to emotionally bond with me or my siblings. My mom, despite loving us all very much, was probably not the best to be brought up with. My mum was extremely insecure socially and a number of complexes. I could say alot of things about my mother but will refrain as the post may become extremely long.

But what I would like to discuss is how does it affect a child when a mother leaves her child to wait after school or after-school extra-curricular activities (eg. soccer, basketball, etc.) I remember several times, how I would have to wait for my mom after my soccer practices. Sometimes my mom is on time (yay!). On other times, she would be late; the waiting begins. Sometimes other kids will still be there, so we talk/play, until one of our ride home arrives. Yet on other times, I would be the last kid to wait...alone. The wait would range from a few minutes to up to 3 hours on rainy days or sunny days. I remember feeling very alone, scared, angry, and confused.

So how would this affect a child who already has suffered from sexual abuse? Especially since the neglect is coming from the mother. In my opinion, it has damaged my self-confidence and my ability to realize my own desires/instincts. I never really lashed out on my mom for being late, and I think that this has made me extremely patient towards others (even if it hurting me).

What do you guys think?
 
I had a constantly late mother too, so understand those feelings when youre looking at every car or person that comes round the corner and its still not her. But I think it probably effects everyone differently. My mother wasn't neglectful, she just had more demands on her than she could manage.

It makes me the mother who is always early. I have the capacity to believe that any minute now everything will get better, which has its positives and negatives too. I love my mum, but I keep my problems from her, because I feel it would add pressure on me, to see her getting stressed because of my problems. But those are my reactions and i don't feel I need my mum to be anymore now. She can only be who she is, and she's not harmed me.
 
HI GreenTea

It may be that the neglect reinforced negative beliefs of self worth, we rely on our parents for protection right from day 1 up until whenever and would think that during the times you was left waiting you saw other children being picked up by their parents but yours wasn't there, so maybe this is all about a wrong assumption the your worth was a lot less than others, what happened to you was not your fault, everything was out of your control, I believe there exists times for both patience and impatience has there been any times you have ever been impatient.. tired of waiting and kicked off a little?
 
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