Hi,
I feel wary talking about this to anyone because I've been going through a nightmare but I guess many of you can likely relate and I could really use some support or ideas.
I've had PTSD most of my life - that is nothing new. This year my panic attacks have been worse but about a week ago then went from a couple times a week to an extreme or several times a day. They happen so often right now that I feel like they never stop in the first place (yes, I know they do). They are coming from "no reason" at all. They are blindsiding me left and right. Yesterday was the first time I called an ambulence and they took me up and did an ECG - it was reassuring that I wasn't actually dying but it wasn't as reassuring as I thought it would be. Each time the panic hits - I'm still convinced I'm having a heart attack or going completely insane. I'm single currently and am living back with my parents and they are incredible but I'm draining them (they didn't tell me that but it's just human) because I'm TERRIFIED of being alone when I even sense panic is coming. I'm not sucidal but at times I wish I was because life seems too hard at this point. The ER leaves me waiting for 10+ hours so I can't do the wait because the panic is too strong and I need out. My psychiatrist will see me next week but even seeing me later today would feel like a century.
I don't mean to seem dramatic - I'm just so incredibly miserable and lost right now. I have sent off an email to an old Pyschologist that specializes in PTSD, hoping that she will either see me or recommend someone who can. The idea of seeing someone sounds exhuasting and embarrassing though. I'm starting to feel like I can never break this cycle and this will be my life from now on. Please tell me it can get better. I can't do this for much longer. Yes, I'm on a panic medication and it does help a little because it's new for me and it's been knocking me out (I hadn't slept in five days straight). This just can't be how my life is from now on.
I feel wary talking about this to anyone because I've been going through a nightmare but I guess many of you can likely relate and I could really use some support or ideas.
I've had PTSD most of my life - that is nothing new. This year my panic attacks have been worse but about a week ago then went from a couple times a week to an extreme or several times a day. They happen so often right now that I feel like they never stop in the first place (yes, I know they do). They are coming from "no reason" at all. They are blindsiding me left and right. Yesterday was the first time I called an ambulence and they took me up and did an ECG - it was reassuring that I wasn't actually dying but it wasn't as reassuring as I thought it would be. Each time the panic hits - I'm still convinced I'm having a heart attack or going completely insane. I'm single currently and am living back with my parents and they are incredible but I'm draining them (they didn't tell me that but it's just human) because I'm TERRIFIED of being alone when I even sense panic is coming. I'm not sucidal but at times I wish I was because life seems too hard at this point. The ER leaves me waiting for 10+ hours so I can't do the wait because the panic is too strong and I need out. My psychiatrist will see me next week but even seeing me later today would feel like a century.
I don't mean to seem dramatic - I'm just so incredibly miserable and lost right now. I have sent off an email to an old Pyschologist that specializes in PTSD, hoping that she will either see me or recommend someone who can. The idea of seeing someone sounds exhuasting and embarrassing though. I'm starting to feel like I can never break this cycle and this will be my life from now on. Please tell me it can get better. I can't do this for much longer. Yes, I'm on a panic medication and it does help a little because it's new for me and it's been knocking me out (I hadn't slept in five days straight). This just can't be how my life is from now on.