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Dom Violence Incest is a form of domestic violence

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Anyone else care to share their experiences of this evil abomination that ruins kids lives and their own kids when they grow up and become parents themselves? I can't be the only one. No I committed incest myself but had the grave misfortune of birthing 2 kids by men who turned out to be relatives of mine with me even being aware of it until recently and both those kids were incested themselves by my ex partner who turned out to be my half brother. And one of those kids became a paedophile themselves because of what their half uncle and his grandmother did to them when they were very little. Completely unbeknownst to me at the time it was happening till now. The other kid became an insane transgender person. It's so f*cked up. Someone please talk to me who can relate. Right now I feel like I'm living in the bloody X Files. The truth is out there is it? It was inside me all along but was conned into falsely believing the truth was a LIE. Now I've got free and have finally woken up and it's doing my bloody nut in. Has anyone else here been where I am now and got through it and can advise me of the next steps to take so I don't lose my shit and go out murdering the bastards responsible? Thanks I appreciate any help any of you guys and gals can give me in advance. If you can't help me with your own wisdom about these evil things then any helpful comments and support would be most welcome. Cheers xoxo
 
Sorry that should read DID NOT committ incest myself. Ha if I had I wouldn't be seeking help here or anywhere for it. It's the evil bastards who do it themselves that lie deny pretend and pass it on instead of handing it back to the scum that did it to them as kids. Freud talked about the repetition compulsion 100 years ago and it happens because people deny it. On every level feeling as well as thinking. I only denied the feeling could never forget the events happened too often to forget those ever. If I hadn't have denied the feeling I would have picked up on what was happening to my own kids when they were being incested themselves. My intuition my gut feeling would have told me something was wrong. But my bastard ex/half brother had me believing the shit he was planting in my head than my heart. That is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life how I ignored my own feelings and swallowed the brainwashing whole. It wasn't hard for him to do that to me after all my mum and older full brothers brainwashed me as a kid into accepting abuse as 'normal'. My ex/half brother just went and triggered what was already in my head from the other nonces before him by abusing me himself and keeping my focus on him through that than my babies as it bloody should have been. So I wouldn't see what he was doing to them the evil c*nt. Well I know now even if it's 20 years too late. And it's hurting so bad. Someone please help me. I can't do this on my own. Thanks very much xoxo
 
I hope that someone comes along that can offer you some real help. I am at a loss of what to say that would help you. You have so much happening all at once and must be very overwhelmed right now. What specifically do you want help with or what area do you want support? sending hugs.:hug:
 
Thanks Rain I'm totally overwhelmed like you say but still holding steady don't know how or why but Someone Up There must love me and I know They only give you what They know you can handle even if you don't think you can handle it yourself. All I really want right now is validation and acceptance and non judgement and some kind of comfort in the midst of this pain and sorrow and RAGE I am feeling right now. I wish someone would cuddle me and tell me it's all gonna be alright. My life has gone to f*cking shit and as wise and clever and brave as I know myself to be nothing up till now has equipped me or prepared me for the sheer f*cking hell of the truth I have recently been presented with. I'm feeling very bloody wobbly and now know that everything I constructed my life on till now was all based on LIES. How the f*cking f*ck does anyone move forward from THAT? What is real? What and even WHO can I trust now? I absolutely will not give in to the doubts and the insecurity all this has brought up in me because to do so would be to let the dirty incestuous f*cking bastards win. I need to know more than anything right now that there are still decent kind real honest MORAL folks in the world I need a comparison between what I've been through like white against black to know it's not all black if you know what I mean? How else will I learn that not everybody is out to get me betray me stitch me up and set me up to take the fall for what they themselves have done to punish me just because of what I know about them all? Lord/Lady God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The strength and courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will be done not mine Oh God I am but your humble servant instrument and conduit let me be your agent for good works on this imperfect impermanent Earthly plane deliver me from Evil and deliver the innocents we never deserved any of this any of this but I know You work in mysterious ways and that Evil is really only unlearnt lessons Oh Lord/Lady God I know I brought this in from my past lives and this is Karma at work and I know we only gain wisdom through pain and that nothing worth having costs us nothing there is always a price to pay Oh Lord/Lady God do you think me and my babies have paid enough for our own sins as well as everyone who hurt us' sins as well? Only You know the answer to that God and I will be guided by You as ever. I love you Big Dad/Mum in the Sky even if my Earthly parents have left me I know I always have you to guide and protect me. Your loving daughter and ever humble servant Manda xoxo

Sorry peeps when all else fails all you have left is FAITH.
 
when all else fails all you have left is FAITH.

This is so true for myself as well. You do not deserve what all happened and your precious kids did not deserve what happened to them and although I have not been in your shoes, I do understand the depths of the kind of pain you are suffering and the feelings of being so used and betrayed must go so deep into your mothers kind heart. I cannot imagine the depths of sorrow you must be feeling.

This is a mental health forum so you fit right in here and my prayer for you is that you will receive a lot of good support as time passes and you continue to walk bravely into each new day.

All I really want right now is validation and acceptance and non judgement and some kind of comfort in the midst of this pain and sorrow and RAGE I am feeling right now. I wish someone would cuddle me and tell me it's all gonna be alright. My life has gone to f*cking shit and as wise and clever and brave as I know myself to be nothing up till now has equipped me or prepared me for the sheer f*cking hell of the truth I have recently been presented with.

It will become all right for you with the passing of time and good healthy support, it is just going to keep on hurting like hell for as long as you are hurting. You are not alone in this situation.

I believe you. I would be besides myself if I were in your shoes. You have a right to all of your thoughts and feelings.

There was a time in my life so many years ago when I did not know one good, decent person and I was told that there are good people in the world and I did not believe it. Many, many years later, I now believe that there are really good people in the world.

I do not have very much in my life but I do know some good people who truly care and live out their faith each day quietly.

I will be continually praying for you and for your kids. I will continue to support you here as I am able. I am just a human being like you and you have had so many bad things done to destroy your hope and yet you still stand and fight and do not give up nor give in and that says so much about what kind of person you are and I think you are a good person from the little I know about you.

How long ago did you find out everything? How long have you been dealing with the revealed truth? I know when some bad things happened six months ago I was a compete basket case in shock and denial. I have been in the process of slowly waking up out of my denial. I never again want to be in denial.

I am so very sorry that you are left with this mess. Sending healing hugs to you.:hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
Thanks Rain. I pieced it all together about a month ago now having researched it for the last 6 months as more and more things came to light. I'm out of the shock and denial stage and into the anger and depression. Well I say depression I really mean the sorrow. Grief the likes of which I've never known till now and I've already suffered some heavy losses as it is. I'm bloody reeling from it all it's been like bloody Niagra Falls in my house this last week. At least I'm not totally falling apart I'm still carrying on with normal life as best I can things haven't gone completely to the wall thank goodness I'm still meeting my responsibilities and commitments and practising lots of self care but my God it bloody hurts. If I can just hold on till the worst of it passes I will be alright. I mean nobody ever died from just feeling their feelings right? As long as I don't act them out or act them in or worse bottle them up deny them or drink and drug on them like I always used to in the past before I started recovery 9 months ago then I will survive as the song says lol. Buddhism has taught me feelings are temporary and reality is an illusion. We are just actors in the drama of life and our feelings are our teachers. The trick is to feel those feelings but detach to the point they don't overwhelm us otherwise we are no good to ourselves or anyone else for that matter. Disassociation is no longer an option for me. Neither is failure. Thank you so much for your kindness Rain. Good to know there are still people like you in the world. God bless you xoxo
 
The trick is to feel those feelings but detach to the point they don't overwhelm us otherwise we are no good to ourselves or anyone else for that matter. Disassociation is no longer an option for me. Neither is failure.

I think that you are dealing so well with all of this. I am so glad that you are in recovery and doing what you can to stay strong. God bless you too.:hug:
 
Hi crazydiamond
I also experienced severe incest, though not as extreme as yours. My stepfather raped all us kids on a semi-daily basis, and I grew up in a closed cult where the kids got passed around to all the families so all the adults could get a shot at all the kids, individually and in groups. I went into a sort of haze while it was happening. That's the way PTSD and abuse trauma works. Getting through the actual abuse isn't near as hard as dealing with the aftermath. It's after you leave that situation and you start to truly understand how incredibly f*cked up it all is that you really start to suffer. Hang in there. You're not alone by a long way. The rest of us who have been through the same thing understand what you're going through, and we support you. The rest of the world can go hang. They won't understand, and it's not your job to make them understand. Hang tight. It won't be this hard forever.
I recommend you formulate one or two simple sentences to explain the situation in a way that shifts the blame to the perpetrators. The one I use is, "I was abused as a kid, so I do xyz this way." Keep repeating that to yourself and anybody who needs to understand why you're not acting the way they expect. Often people will be a lot more supportive if they understand the cause of what appears to be your strange behavior. Within the context of your unique experience, you are normal. You're not a psycho. You're not a mental patient. You are a normal person reacting to extreme circumstances. Keep the faith. God bless you.
 
I'm sorry Flecks my kid is mentally ill which is what I meant by insane and I wasn't being anti transgender at all. How can I be when I'm on the LGBTQI spectrum myself? I certainly wasn't implying that because they are trans they are mentally ill or vice versa. I'm sorry if it read that way that wasn't what I meant at all. Their mental illness is a direct result of the abuse they suffered at the hands of my ex going through foster care and all the losses they themselves have suffered. I hope this clarifies things for you.

Also when I posted this thread some months ago I was going through paranoid delusions and auditory and visual hallucinations as a result of ceasing to abuse cannabis an addiction which spanned over 30 years. A lot of the things I wrote about at the time were not factually correct or true but rather my damaged brain trying to make sense of the nonsensical which is exactly what incest is. And particularly the feelings I have associated with my own experiences as a child regarding this abomination and also about what happened to my own kids at my ex's hands. I have now been 5 months clean and am well out of the withdrawal phase. My ex is NOT my half brother nor part of a paedophile ring. He was NOT sent after me by my evil mum and brothers to 'sort me out' as I wrongly believed before. He was just an evil sick depraved nasty opportunist who preyed on me and my eldest kid simply because he COULD. That's the stark bald FACT of the whole sorry business and now I'm starting to wrap my head around it but it ain't easy.

Hope that's cleared up any confusion. Thanks for your feedback anyway.
 
I'm sorry Flecks my kid is mentally ill which is what I meant by insane and I wasn't being anti tr...
You don’t have to apologize to me personally, next time just be careful with your words and you can be anti trans even if you are on the spectrum unfortunately (gender-critical feminists are anti transgender for example). also, i am sorry for what you went through.
 
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