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Sexual Assault Innapropriate Or Not? Am I Over-reacting?

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Lucycat

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Just now I was in my local pub. We live in a remote and rural area and it is pretty quiet.

The barmaid ( very attractive 20 something) mentioned about another customer who had been in earlier today.

He lives far away, but is a regular as he stays locally for work several days a week. I think it is to do with the building of wind farms. He is here for days at a time and has been coming for the past few months.

When I was in the pub tonight there was me, Rory and a few other regulars. A ( the barmaid) said that Wind-Farm-Man had been in earlier. She was alone and there were no other customers. He ( aged 50 +) was asking her opinion about masturbation. She is sensible and grounded, but was concerned enough to ask our opinion. I just think it was so out of order, but Rory says slow down. A said she is concerned that over the past few weeks maybe she has sent out the wrong message to Wind-Farm-Man. I seriously doubt that. Isn't it always the way that we feel that it is our fault?

I was finding the situation difficult as she has no idea of my history. Nonetheless I was worried for her and suggested she should tell her employers, in case it happens again.

Rory thinks I was over-reacting, which I accept may be true. However I cringe to think what this man may be up to. I really don't think it is 'normal' to ask a barmaid about masturbation, whatever the situation.
 
I worked as a barmaid in a pub mainly frequented by oil rig workers (it was next to the heliport). I got used to dealing with men who made comments or tried to have conversations like that. As a barmaid you expect (rightly or wrongly) a degree of this type of behaviour and usually learn pretty quickly how to deal with it to nip it in the bud.

Yes, I think the conversation was inappropriate and if it made the barmaid uncomfortable she shouldn't have to put up with it but It is probably very easily sorted by her saying directly to the man she isn't interested in talking about things like that with him.

Its not 'normal' but neither is it unexpected in my experience. Just my opinion though.
 
That would probably give me the creeps, and I agree that nobody should have to deal with those questions, especially in their work place. I don't think that you overreacted - I think you are just a very compassionate person, and are reasonably concerned for the people who are a part of your life. :-)

I can't help but wonder what his intentions in saying that were, though; I mean, maybe he just has some sort of disorder which causes him to lack social filter (like aspergers), and it didn't have any malicious intent actually behind it. It doesn't make it ok, and it's probably not quite as likely as the other option, but you never know!
 
Thanks TM.

I have discussed this privately with other friends - all of whom have met the chap. They all think him 'weird' but are unable to say why.

My thought is that the barmaid should tell the owners, but she thought that wasn't necessary, and I don't feel it is my place. However it is good to know that other people know and are on their guard, watching this chap like a hawk in case there is anything more.

Hopefully not.
 
I agree, it was out of line and total inappropriate.. Just because a lot of guys may choose to be this way, acting inappropriate with an attractive barmaid doesn't make it right .. I think she should be careful and tell her employers if anything else occurs. Yuck is what I think about the whole thing! Maybe he could call a 'troubled about sex' support line and get some help!
 
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