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Intense Anger Outbursts = Breakup

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Frecklespop

New Here
First post on here, so hi!
So, I was with someone from July 2013 till Friday. I had told him before we started dating that I had been sexually assaulted the year before and at that moment in time, I only mainly had flashbacks and would get upset at times. Over the past 2ish years my PTSD has gotten a lot worse, to the point where even if he was trying to comfort me I would freak out, I wouldn't want to be touched, and I wanted to flee during every intense discussion we had.

It has now gotten to the stage where we both called it a day (temp or for good i don't know). Since last year my anger and frustration turned outwards to him. During an argument, when i was upset and he tried to comfort me, when i wanted to leave the room and he didn't want me to.

How do i even get help from this? How could i even get a relationship back from all this horrible things I have said and done?
Or even to get him to understand a bit better about what to/not to do?
 
Firstly, welcome.

Second, are you seeing a therapist? It seems like you need to work on yourself for a bit before you decide if you're ready to pick up the relationship again.

All I can say from my own experience, is that ptsd affects you differently when alone and when with others / in relationships. I coped quite well for years until I had a child. That threw up a lot because now I had to worry about someone else and how this effects them. It's forced me to deal with things I didn't want to and didn't want my partner to know about.

Although it's been hard, it was better to face the fact that I hadn't dealt with at all - even though I thought I had done so very well.

I hope you can find the help you need to get through this.
 
Firstly a warm welcome @Frecklespop to the forum and I send a Devon :hug: if you accept it.

As @GWhizz quite rightly puts it, it does sound like your basis for recovery needs to start with yourself now. One thing that is all to difficult with suffers is the want to not be selfish especially with loved ones. Unfortunatelly this yearning is all to damaging to the sufferer and after time breaks us down emotionally (differing times in each of us). Self care and making time for yourself is one of the most important fadctors with PTSD, not only for the sufferer but for the supporter just as much.

PTSD is after all the survival of trauma primarily and secondly the added knowledge that when the trauma memory surfaces within us, we then realise very graphically that the trauma we are remembering actually happened, to us. PTSD is not like other anxiety disorders in that it is the realisation of trauma that has already happened, not the fear of a trauma that has not yet happened and in fact may never actually happen.This compounds the emotional response within us and is what overflows in part the inner PTSD cup.

You have come to a great place to seek knowledge regarding your own PTSD survival and at the end of the day IMHO that is exactly what you are now embarking on by coming her.

Remember, that you sat in front of a computer or sat with your mobile and posted this thread earlier today, that serves to prove one unwavering fact. You have already survived the event or events that have traumatized you, you have taken the concious decision to deal with, it however hard that journey may be, you have sought out others (the forum) who have survived the same and differing traumas in their own lives for advise and help with your recovery journey from now on in.

Basically, you need not doubt your inner ability to survive this because you have already come so far in survival by simply being here after the physical events involved and the already damaging emotions that this event have instilled in you. With the right therapy, grounding techniques and personal coping strategies that you will learn to work towards in a structured manner in recovery, maybe even medication's who knows what is the right mix of tools you will need to better help you from now on.

This all said though. It takes belief in you and your own abilities, learnt and well practiced technique's and coping to get through the next chapter in all of this. No one here will tell you that the early years of recovery are easy, you will have periods of flashbacks, anxiety and much much more to come yet as you learn those skills to better cope day to day with your own condition. It is a good starting point to search the forum and pop across to the vault where numerous members have in fact posted articles in relation to our condition.

My opinion, if I can get through the last 2 years as weak willed and self medicating as I became towards the end, putting myself in a coma for a week I tried to literally saturate my body in alcohol and street drugs. I strongly have the belief that with the right support and methods of coping we can all survive and eventually thrive into a productive and more stable future.

Frecklespop, please believe me when I say what I have posted, you have already survived chapter one, draw on the Inner strength that pulled you through the initial aftermath of the trauma and fight for a future you deserve, one better able to cope with the events of the past and the memories and emotions they have left behind.

All that said please please remember to be gentle with yourself as you continue in recovery as it can get overwelming so often, especially when a new intrusive trauma memory surfaces.

Please feel able to private message me at any time if you need a chat or simply someone on the forum to vent at I really do not mind in the slightest.

Kindest regards and another :hug:

Laurence
 
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Hi @Frecklespop,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about you PTSD symptoms getting worse. I hope things get better. As @GWhizz said, make sure you are working with a therapist. A couples therapist might be helpful, if your boyfriend is open to it.

Regarding how to get him to understand, you can try using the NVC (Non Violent Communication) techniques. For example:
"I want you to understand that this is hard for me." or "I want you to understand that when we have a fight I feel [angry/upset/frustrated/etc] and I need space and time to calm down and think and after that I will be calm enough to talk things over".

Hugs,
UniversalBeing
 
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