Gaining-clarity
Learning
Hey there,
My husband found this thread for me. He read me some posts and really related and found it helpful. We both did, actually. So, I thought I would join the forum and see some more, and share some.
A counselor mentioned to me about 5 years ago that I was experiencing ptsd, but I've never taken myself to the kind of professional who could make a formal diagnosis.
I'm 47 now, and as I look back I can see that I've been living with this my whole life, but it has been different through all of my developmental milestones from school age to middle age. It really makes sense. I'm beginning to see how everything has been affected... relationships especially, and anything that involves relationships, like work and education. I feel really defective, and much of the time disabled... unable to function with a normal life load.
I think that as I gain the advantage of age, and maturity, I can see more clearly.
I was sexually abused as an infant and preschooler by a violent schizophrenic then again in junior high by a teacher, and again in high school by others.
I'm really happy with my life. I have the opportunity to respect my boundaries, like not being able to work regularly, and I mostly forget that I'm dealing with anything.
But then I get sideswiped by a trigger and sent into crazy stuff... and I remember how not normal I am, how much I can't do, and have to face the reality - I wouldn't be having a flashback if nothing happened. So I grieve and all that, again. And come to terms with things again. Keep going.
I'm hoping I will find support here, and wisdom from others. And I hope that I don't need a formal diagnosis to be considered as someone experiencing c-ptsd. I can't bring myself to enter into the formal mental health industry. It just feels oppressive to me. I hope I won't be questioned or made to verify myself.
Thank you,
Gaining-clarity
My husband found this thread for me. He read me some posts and really related and found it helpful. We both did, actually. So, I thought I would join the forum and see some more, and share some.
A counselor mentioned to me about 5 years ago that I was experiencing ptsd, but I've never taken myself to the kind of professional who could make a formal diagnosis.
I'm 47 now, and as I look back I can see that I've been living with this my whole life, but it has been different through all of my developmental milestones from school age to middle age. It really makes sense. I'm beginning to see how everything has been affected... relationships especially, and anything that involves relationships, like work and education. I feel really defective, and much of the time disabled... unable to function with a normal life load.
I think that as I gain the advantage of age, and maturity, I can see more clearly.
I was sexually abused as an infant and preschooler by a violent schizophrenic then again in junior high by a teacher, and again in high school by others.
I'm really happy with my life. I have the opportunity to respect my boundaries, like not being able to work regularly, and I mostly forget that I'm dealing with anything.
But then I get sideswiped by a trigger and sent into crazy stuff... and I remember how not normal I am, how much I can't do, and have to face the reality - I wouldn't be having a flashback if nothing happened. So I grieve and all that, again. And come to terms with things again. Keep going.
I'm hoping I will find support here, and wisdom from others. And I hope that I don't need a formal diagnosis to be considered as someone experiencing c-ptsd. I can't bring myself to enter into the formal mental health industry. It just feels oppressive to me. I hope I won't be questioned or made to verify myself.
Thank you,
Gaining-clarity