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Undiagnosed Introducing Myself

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Hey there,
My husband found this thread for me. He read me some posts and really related and found it helpful. We both did, actually. So, I thought I would join the forum and see some more, and share some.

A counselor mentioned to me about 5 years ago that I was experiencing ptsd, but I've never taken myself to the kind of professional who could make a formal diagnosis.

I'm 47 now, and as I look back I can see that I've been living with this my whole life, but it has been different through all of my developmental milestones from school age to middle age. It really makes sense. I'm beginning to see how everything has been affected... relationships especially, and anything that involves relationships, like work and education. I feel really defective, and much of the time disabled... unable to function with a normal life load.

I think that as I gain the advantage of age, and maturity, I can see more clearly.

I was sexually abused as an infant and preschooler by a violent schizophrenic then again in junior high by a teacher, and again in high school by others.

I'm really happy with my life. I have the opportunity to respect my boundaries, like not being able to work regularly, and I mostly forget that I'm dealing with anything.

But then I get sideswiped by a trigger and sent into crazy stuff... and I remember how not normal I am, how much I can't do, and have to face the reality - I wouldn't be having a flashback if nothing happened. So I grieve and all that, again. And come to terms with things again. Keep going.

I'm hoping I will find support here, and wisdom from others. And I hope that I don't need a formal diagnosis to be considered as someone experiencing c-ptsd. I can't bring myself to enter into the formal mental health industry. It just feels oppressive to me. I hope I won't be questioned or made to verify myself.

Thank you,
Gaining-clarity
 
Hi!
Welcome to the forums.
Thank you for posting. It took me weeks of watching to even join.
Here I find support and knowledge; comfort and advice.
I've never been made to feel that I have to "qualify". Some of the wiser people and moderators seem to be able to identify other or different causes or problems sometimes and can advise or direct people toward the best solutions, if that be the case. I've found, generally speaking, good wisdom and good direction here myself.

The goal is to heal or continue along that path - not reopen wounds unnecessarily. So entering the formal mental health industry may not be advised. Therapy, though, on the other hand, seems rather universally beneficial - consider some form of that, perhaps? Maybe MyPtsd is it? Others here are much more experienced with those matters and may be able to advise you as you go along.

I read. I share. I learn. I have found some disconcerting knowledge and insights here about myself - but it has led me toward better healing paths and I am grateful for what I've learned. No pain no gain is certainly true. People have guided me gently. And my objective was to better understand what has happened to me so that I can better cope and get on in healing. Which is exactly what is happening. And along the way I am having some good times chatting and sharing too - part of the healing.

I was involved in workplace trauma. People died. People committed suicide. People were crippled, injured and threatened. Harassment, threats, verbal assaults, workplace attacks occurred even after federal court orders. I was in this environment in the same place for many years. When I was asked to speak at the state capital alongside industry professionals and psychiatrists about it some of them approached me afterward: "No one goes through that without developing ptsd. You need to get help." Three years later here I am. Still working at the same place. Still testifying. And still dealing with issues. I wasn't raped. I wasn't in combat. I can't imagine the agony of things some people have endured. But trauma and stress of different sorts need a place for healing and here there seems to be an abundance.

I have my own hells. But I overcome them one day, one hour at a time. I share here. I try to be of service. It's good therapy for me. I share parts of my story sometimes, if maybe it can help. So I wish you the best along your healing journey.

I'm happy with most of my life too. But it's nice to repair the damaged parts too.
 
Welcome to the Forum! I hope you will find some good advice and ideas, as well as feeling comfortable enough to post whatever, and whenever you feel like it. It's sounds like you are not only a survivor, but a thriver! It also sounds like you have a good husband! THAT is HUGE, and I applaud you for that. (I always chose wrong, which always turns out bad.)

Here, you will find compassion and empathy. We have all suffered different traumas. Pain and trauma can't be measured or qualified, I think. Everyone is different in how they deal with past abuse, and the bad things that happen to us that weren't our decision.

Blessings to you!!!
AKJ
 
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